ah, big-hearted human that will take you in.
How was I to know Food Guy's apartment was haunted?
First, it was the ghost of Mark Twain lurking in my human's kitchen, looking for some whiskey!
I tried hiding behind Thor, but the big goof wouldn't budge from the poster!
Old Twain kept calling me "Bambino" no matter how many times
I told him my name was Midnight!
But he let me ride his shoulder which was fun until he whisked me away
to visit the ghost of some long-faced human, Loves Drafts, or something.
I kind of liked some of the things he said to me:
"The cat charms you into playing for its benefit when it wishes to be amused;
making you rush about the room with a paper on a string when it feels like exercise,
but refusing all your attempts to make it play when it is not in the humour.
That is personality and individuality and self-respect --
the calm mastery of a being whose life is its own and not yours."
Then, he had to go and ruin it by saying stuff like:
“It is good to be a cynic — it is better to be a contented cat — and it is best not to exist at all.”
Luckily. the ghost of Hemingway rescued me for Mark Twain had wandered off. Whew!
He was fun and appreciated me:
"A cat has absolute emotional honesty.
Human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not."
But a guy can get tired of being fed corn cobs,
so I hitched a ride with the ghost of Charles Dickens who took me back to Food Guy's apartment.
He chucked me under the chin, saying,
“What greater gift than the love of a cat?”
But he sure weirded me out when he told me how grieved he was by the death of his cat, Bob,
that he had the poor guy’s paw stuffed and mounted to an ivory letter opener.
He had the opener engraved saying,
“C.D., In memory of Bob, 1862” so he could have a constant reminder of his old friend.
The ghost of Raymond Chandler showed up just then, looking for Food Guy.
Dickens seemed to think old Chandler was a hack writer and took off.
But Pipe Guy listened to me as we discussed the state of the world,
the foolishness of humans, the prevalence of sorry tasting tuna,
and my difficulty in getting doors opened at the right time
and meals served at more frequent intervals.
I have got Food Guy up to five times a day, but there is still room for improvement.
Hey, you out there!
Have you the good taste
to like felines?
I sure hope so,
I may have to send
the ghost of Love Drafts
to your house.