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Monday, February 7, 2011

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT BLOGFEST entry




Go to Brenda Drake's blog to join in the fun :

http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/2011/01/blogfest-contest-with-prizes-from-agent.html

Name : Bond. James Bond (I always wanted to say that) but truthfully -- Roland D. Yeomans

Title : FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE

Genre : Urban Fantasy

FIRST SENTENCE :

IT RAINED LIES AND DEATH TODAY.

{The following sentence -- if you're interested} :

But some things even Hurricane Katrina couldn’t change.

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59 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    Sent chills through me! Good liine!

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  2. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. S.A. LarsenッFebruary 7, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Ooh, I like this!

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  4. Kerri CuevFebruary 7, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    I LIKE it! Nice vibe!

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  5. UnknownFebruary 7, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Hi Roland

    This is strong and emotive

    Would it be strengthened with an additional clause?

    Although no clouds spoiled the perfect blue of ....

    Cheers
    Elaine

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  6. UnknownFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    Oh I think this is good! I wish you luck in the contest! :D :D :D

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  7. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    Oooh. Strong, creepy, and full of voice. I wouldn't change it for all the beignets in the world.

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  8. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    Catherine : I'm happy you were struck by its words. It was meant to chill the reader.

    Salarsen : I'm glad you liked it. Short and to the point was what I was trying for.

    Kerri C : I tried to set the tone for the whole novel in that one sentence. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Elaine : I see what you mean. Still, it was written as a short hook for the reader's eye. That line stands alone in the text of the first page. It is followed by the second paragraph which starts with the next 2 sentence :

    But some things even Hurricane Katrina couldn’t change. As it had for the past century and a half, the setting sun took its last look on St. Peter’s street as it transformed to Rue La Mort.

    Christopher : "Gratefulness" is what I feel for such praise. Thanks.

    Monica : I'm happy you think it's good. As great luck to all of us in the contest. I entered for the fun of it, so you see, I'm already a winner. LOL.

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  9. Michael Di GesuFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    SO short and powerful....

    Well done!


    Michael

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  10. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    Kate Haggard : All the beignets in the world? Wow. Do I sense another Louisianian? Thanks so very much for the high praise. Now, if only an agent will feel the same. LOL. Good luck in your publication dreams and this contest, Roland

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  11. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    Thanks, Michael. I was trying for a short, powerful hook. Glad I hit the mark with it. Now, if I can just score the interest of an agent. LOL.

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  12. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    wow! That is a fab first line. I would keep reading!

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  13. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    WordWranglernc : Thanks for saying you'd read on. Doesn't every writer want to those words? Good luck in the contest, Roland

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  14. Mara NashFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Very nice!

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  15. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:46 AM

    Thanks, Mara.

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  16. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:49 AM

    Hello fellow blogfest participant!

    I. Love. This. Line.

    Nuff said :)

    Christi Corbett

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  17. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Christi : That was high praise, cleverly done. Thanks very much, Roland

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  18. Tony BensonFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:20 PM

    Now that's a first line that gets me wanting to read more. Nice one.

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  19. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Thanks, Tony. Now, if only an agent believes that, I might get FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE published. LOL. Thanks, again. Roland

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  20. D. R. RuxFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    The only alteration I would do to this is to switch the lies and death. Put your most prominent first.

    To me at least, the line "It rained death and lies." seems creepier. It could just be me though. :D Great first line.

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  21. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    D. R. : You could very well have a point there. I thought ending with the worst made a "bad, worse, worst" sort of impact. Thanks for your perceptive comment. Roland

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  22. HeatherFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:45 PM

    I absolutely love your opening sentence Roland! Wow, talk about powerful. It makes me want to read your book so bad! Best of luck in the contest.

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  23. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    Thanks, Heather, for the kind praise. It means a lot coming from you. And best of luck in the contest, too. I entered for the fun of it, so I already am a winner!

    If you have a Kindle or Kindle for PC, you can download a free first chapter of my THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS :

    http://www.amazon.com/BEAR-TWO-SHADOWS-ebook/dp/B004MDLWD0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=books&qid=1297096036&sr=8-2-catcorr

    I thought I would send Hibbs, the bear with two shadows, to blaze the cyber trail for me. He's a brave grizzly -- he's up to it. LOL.

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  24. Shannon DuffyFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    Okay, can I just say--I love this!? Awesome first sentence. :D

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  25. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    Morgan Lee : Your words made my afternoon as I head off to work and the blood wars. Thanks so very much, Roland

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  26. Lydia KangFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    Wow that is a stunning line. Good job Roland!

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  27. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Lydia : Great praise coming from you. Now, if only an agent feels the same way! LOL. You had an amazing post on your blog today, Roland

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  28. Golden EagleFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    I want to read more, now! What a great first sentence.

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  29. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    Great Eagle : That means a lot with you writing it. I tried for a neat hook. Guess I managed it. Thanks, again.

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  30. imagery imaginedFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    Almost like Bond movie... alot of action, weapons and suspense.

    First line: captures the atmosphere and the mood. And 'cause it's short, it makes my mind want to know more... and read more. Just my thoughts.

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  31. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    Imagery Imagined : I've always thought the best first line hooks were short and provocative. I'm glad you enjoyed mine and wanted to read more. Now, I'm off to the blood wars. Roland

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  32. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    Goodness, that was a lot of comments to scroll through. Whew.

    Okay, lots of voice in this first line, especially if your MC continues to think like that. Nice job!

    Good luck and thanks for your kind words on my blog!

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  33. kathrynjankowskiFebruary 7, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    Ooh, very nice! Sets a grim tone.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  34. UnknownFebruary 7, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    Great, chilling sentence. I want to read on.

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  35. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    Cheree : I'm glad I caught the chilling tone that I was going for. Thanks for commenting and visiting, Roland

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  36. DavidFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:12 PM

    This is the best first line I've seen so far. It introduces tension, a unique narrator's voice, and makes me interested either in a quirky metaphor or a unique magical rain in a unique universe.

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  37. dolorahFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:37 PM

    Brilliant. A keeper just the way it is. I'd say more about its value but its already been said many times.

    When something works, it works.

    Thanks for your input on my own first line. Much appreciated Roland.

    Good luck to you sir in the contest. I think I see a winner here :)

    .......dhole

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  38. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    Thanks, David, very much for that high praise.

    It is the unique narrator's voice reflecting the lies of the politicians,

    assuring the New Orleans trapped poor that the levees were being adequately maintained --

    and the death by drowning of thousands when those "Adequate" levees crumbled before the might of Hurricane Katrina.

    Your own first line was excellent, prompting both compassion and a smile on the reader's part. Bravo.

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  39. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:39 PM

    Donna : I've had such fun talking with so many fellow bloggers that I'm a winner already. I hope that you and I both find success in our publication dreams. Roland

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  40. MyneFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    Oh oh oh, I love it. And that clip of Priest! I saw the full commercial at my RITE movie and I'm def going to see it.

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  41. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:59 PM

    Myne : Thank you so much. I worked hard to hook the reader right off. Thanks for thinking I succeeded.

    And I saw THE RITE,too, and saw the full trailer as well. I really want to see PRIEST. It looks to be quite riveting. Have a beautiful Tuesday, Roland

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  42. Justin W. ParenteFebruary 8, 2011 at 8:15 AM

    Roland,

    While vagueness is often frowned upon in an opening, where we usually need action or introspection, this line simply works. It's part introspection and part tells me all about the character in just a few words.

    I would be interested to see what follows this line. Some worldbuilding? Character interaction to make sense of this? Thanks for sharing.

    JWP
    In My Write Mind

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  43. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 8:24 AM

    Thanks, Justin. It is a stand-alone opening line to hook the eye and interest.

    The paragraph that follows hopefully gives the illumination you thought should come next :

    But some things even Hurricane Katrina couldn’t change.
    As it had for the past century and a half, the setting sun took its last look on St. Peter’s street as it transformed to Rue La Mort. The flooded street sparkled with flakes of burning silver. Beneath the muddy water, spirits swam restlessly, looking nothing so much as seeping blood under the sea.

    Have a great Tuesday, Roland

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  44. Christine L. ArnoldFebruary 8, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    It's a little melodramatic, but I think it works here. If it was just some random line in the book, I might say cut it, but since it's the opening line, I think it does a great job setting up the tone for the rest of the novel. Nice job!

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  45. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    Christine : Yes, it is fraught with drama. I was on the streets of New Orleans during and after Katrina. And melodramatic became all too real in those days. Thanks for commenting and caring ... and liking my first line, Roland

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  46. Loralie HallFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    I love this as it stands. It's brief and to the point, but it has so much voice and emotion. Great hook.

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  47. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    Loralie : Thank you so much for liking my first line, giving the reasons why. Have a great Tuesday, Roland

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  48. Margo KellyFebruary 8, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    Very interesting! :-)

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  49. J.C. MartinFebruary 8, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    Wow...what imagery, and such a simple, short line! I love it!

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  50. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 6:10 PM

    Thanks, Margo. Hope your publication dreams come true.

    J.C. : Your praise made my weary afternoon so much better. Thanks, Roland

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  51. The Words CrafterFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    OOOoooo, love that line!!!! Ominous, sad, menacing.....

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  52. BethFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  53. BethFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    I love your first line and your blog design. Both are great. I'm your newest follower.
    bethfred.com

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  54. Jo Schaffer LaytonFebruary 8, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Succinct and brilliant as ever. (=

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  55. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 9:07 PM

    Words Crafter : Glad you liked the mood of that line -- ominous, sad, and menacing (it encapsulaes much of the spirit of the novel - the courage, strength, and compassion of the novel is revealed in the rest of the first page.)

    I'm even happier that you feel some better and able to comment. I've missed you.

    Beth : I'm glad you liked your visit and my cyber-home to consider being a regular visitor and follower. It makes my cold work evening warmer. Thanks, Roland

    Jo : So good to see you here again, too. And thanks for the kind words. Better than a cup of hot chocolate this freezing night. We struggling writers love to visit and chat! Roland

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  56. laughingwolfFebruary 8, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    hey bro, you related to that nasa yeomans dude?

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  57. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 8, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    Probably distantly -- although we do look uncannily alike. Thanks for dropping in. Roland

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  58. VR BarkowskiFebruary 9, 2011 at 12:58 AM

    Great first line, dark and powerful. Sets the tone and leaves a million unanswered questions. As a reader, that's what I'm looking for.

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  59. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 9, 2011 at 1:03 AM

    Thanks, VR. That's what I was going for. It's nice to hit the mark every now and then. LOL.

    Your comments always mean a lot to me. Maybe one day we will sit together at a book signing for our books? It's a nice dream. Have a great mid-week, Roland

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