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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

APRIL 9TH -- OF PLAYBOY, MARK TWAIN, & SEX TOYS




"The interesting thing is how one guy, through living his own fantasies, is living out the fantasies of so many other people."
- Hugh Hefner



Twain here again.  And old Hugh may well be the happiest outlaw of them all.



On this date in 1926, Hugh Hefner was born.  PLAYBOY was born in 1953 in Chicago. 

Both man and his magazine have been accused of the "pornification" of our culture,

especially with respectable authors, stars, and even scientists being interviewed in it.




Of course that pilgrim has it all backwards:

Now if you or any other really intelligent person were arranging the fairnesses and justices between man and woman,

 you give the man a one-fiftieth interest in one woman, and the woman a harem of men.



The other day, I read that gal's Laura Skandera-Trombley's article that I had a vibrator as a sex-toy of all things!

The mind boggles.

It's true I sent my secretary, Isabel Lyon, to buy one in New York for my stiff shoulders and sore lower back.

That gizmo could stop headaches, cure and limber lame and stiff backs --

It really was the essential key of osteopathy and kindred treatments.


Why, you can read in Miss Lyon's 1908 Date book:

"We got an electrical vibrating machine for the King [lovely girl knew my worth], in N.Y."



I mentioned that accusation to Nikola Tesla in Meilori's the other night ...

And the poor man (he's still alive by the way) started coughing so badly

that Ratatoskr, the Asgardian squirrel,  exclaimed, "Sammy, you must give him mouth to mouth resusitation!"

I looked to the man.  "Reckon you gonna have to die, Nikola."

Luckily Toya passed by, dumped a glass of ice tea on my head, and commensed with the mouth to mouth.

I started to cough myself, but she just snorted, "You already dead, fool!"


Clemens at the wheel
  
After an eighteen-month apprenticeship, I received my steamboat pilot's license on yesterday's date but on this day in 1859, it was made official,

making good on my and every Hannibal river-boy’s pipedream:

"We had transient ambitions of other sorts, but they were only transient.

When a circus came and went, it left us all burning to become clowns;

the first negro minstrel show that came to our section left us all suffering to try that kind of life;

now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

These ambitions faded out, each in its turn; but the ambition to be a steamboatman always remained."
(Life on the Mississippi)



I'm forced to choose "I" 'cause that blow-hard Hemingway is taking over tomorrow's post --

And you know what Author that rooster wants to choose for H

And he doesn't trust me to choose him today!!

Wise of him.  I would have chosen Homer -- 'cause when I listen to that Hemingway, and I have a cane in hand --

I just naturally want to hit a "homer!"

Being a ghost and all, I was able to eavesdrop on him below --
and I could swear this was what he said:



So I get to choose I to stand for John IRVING, author of THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP:

“If you care about something you have to protect it – If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”
― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany 



12 comments:

  1. It seems we share a library. An eclectic library.
    I am enjoying moseying along the outlaw trail with you, your friends and others. Thank you.

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  2. For massaging your sore muscles, mhmm, okay, Twain. Whatever you say. (No, I still haven't forgiven you for what you've said about Austen.)

    Hey, I've met Tesla in the Badlands! I'm enjoying Her Bones very, very much, and will pop up a review to tell the world once I finish.

    I hope you are doing well, Roland. I pray for your healing and that all your worries may melt away.

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  3. Talk about an awkward topic, but I will admit it's amazing how useful things can be when they're not used for what it was meant for.

    I wasn't aware you were having problems with you health. Do take care of yourself and we wish you the best! :)

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  4. Hefner, Twain, Homer, Hemingway, Irving... you are covering all sorts of ground today.

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  5. I was scared to click on your post thinking that you're blog had been hijacked! Then I released it must be you who else could tie all this together!

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  6. Elephant's Child:
    Twain, Homer, Hemingway, and Irving -- fun reading, aren't they? Thanks for visiting!

    Nicki:
    The ghost of Austen still hasn't forgiven him either! He actually had to leave the country when alive for his remarks on stage about Wordsworth, Whittier, and Emerson -- he sometimes got carried away with his wit!

    I'm glad you're enjoying HER BONES very much. Tesla is also in DEATH IN THE HOUSE OF LIFE -- along with Twain, Wilde, Ada Byron (daughter of Lord Byron) -- all in 1895 Egypt!

    Thank you for the promised review. It will mean a lot to me!

    Thanks for the concern. I am healing well, though a little weak still. Rushing back to work to cover the medical bills maybe was a bit soon. :-)

    David P.:
    I had two cancer surgeries on my face and a few months ago, I was stabbed in a mugging! I am a bit weak from healing from all that!

    Robin:
    You can accuse me of being boring at least! :-)

    David:
    Ghosts are always hijacking my blog. Tomorrow it will be humble Hemingway!

    I have fun at least. Thanks for the nice compliment.

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  7. Hefner? The world could have done without that one! But show 'bunny ears', and men will come.

    Sometimes I wonder about Twain. He doesn't like Hem? Only because they both want the limelight?

    Looking forward to more of the Outlaw Trail. I've never read Twain's life on the Mississippi, but he's the first person I thought of when I crossed the river on my way to Canada by car. Evidently Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn stuck in my memory.

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  8. D.G.:
    Hemingway betrayed a friend to get out of a writing contract by writing a book mocking his friend's writing style. He was a bully and false to his wives.

    All things that Twain would find distasteful -- and the two both had large ego's -- sparks just would have struck if the two had ever met as they did when Twain and Churchill met in real life.

    If it hadn't been Hefner, it would have been someone else sadly. :-(

    As a pilot he had to memorize each bend of that enormously long river -- on both sides! That is something I do not think I could have done!

    I like Twain's essays and newspaper articles the best.

    Thanks for visiting and writing!

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  9. No fan of Hemingway, I think Hefner is an OK choice. He certainly was an outlaw of sorts at the time and perhaps even a much needed one. I love the cast of characters assembled in this one post and that you let me be in their presence.

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  10. Roland, I am still chuckling about the sex toy...

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  11. Just like David, I was a bit scared after I saw the title of this one, but you had me laughing at several points. Homer is a much better choice for H than Hefner, in my opinion. haha

    Hope you're doing well, Roland! :)

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  12. Inger:
    Hefner was and is certainly an outlaw at the very least!

    Hemingway is still fuming at Mark Twain accusing him of being an agent of Hydra!

    Thank you for the very kind words!

    Alex:
    And the ghost of Mark Twain is still muttering under his breath about it!

    Chrys:
    I would never write anything that would scandalize my female visitors -- the ghost of Mark Twain might though! :-)

    I'm glad he got you to laugh several times in this post!

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