So you can read my books

Thursday, December 16, 2010


For Francine's Twisted Christmas Tale Blogfest :

For the Christmas haiku for Madeleine Maddocks' CHRISTMAS HAIKU BLOGFEST :


The tolling of a lonely church bell echoed distant in the too quiet night.

The first Christmas after Katrina found New Orleans nearly deserted. The children's ward at Memorial Hospital was filled. Hollow-eyed kids my age and younger were sleeping fitfully in their hospital beds.

Thanks to Captain Sam, each child had a doll, teddy bear, or an actual New Orleans Saints football. They were all sleeping with them tucked secure in their arms.

And an apple was on each of their nightstands. I didn't know how he was doing it, but no matter how many apples the kids ate, another one took its place.

"So they'll know they will always have something to eat," he had told me as he left me on guard here.

Yeah, on guard.

Santa Claus was coming to town tonight for all the good little boys and girls.

Santa the revenant (think Vlad the Impaler ... but without as many morals.)

The Bourbon Street Irregulars were stretched thin tonight. I was all by myself.

So many children to protect from the ancient bloodbroker. Yeah, he stole the blood of every good little girl and boy to sell to other revenants on the black market all through the year.

The blood of innocence was a delicacy to bloodsuckers the world over.

I stood with my back to the far wall, looking warily into the shadows. The fat revenant appeared right next to me, his red hat set at a impish angle.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!," he rasped, his fangs going for my throat.

Right into his gaping mouth I thumbed two ball bearings washed in the melted snows of Eden.

"Suck on these, Santa!"

He grabbed his throat, the smoke of his burning flesh coming out of his open mouth in billowing, foul-smelling clouds. Hitting the floor with a heavy thud, he croaked into the night.

"To me, my elves!"

By this time all the children were awake, their eyes round with horror. I figured my own eyes were a little wide themselves.

Twelve slender elves in Christmas velvet and short, short skirts padded out of the darkness towards me, their steel fingernails long and sharp.

I ground my teeth. "You have got to be kidding me."

Santa might have been hurting, but he looked up and flashed me a death-head's smile. "My Slay Belles in the night."

The really pretty elves in really short skirts and long fangs started to flank me. There were too many. I didn't have enough ball bearings. Hell, I didn't have enough me. I couldn't handle them all.

I was so dead.

Then, the children started to pelt the elves with the apples. For every apple they threw, another took its place. Now, a dozen apples are a pain. Dozens of dozens of apples thrown by scared spitless kids are something else again.

The elves went down. Hissing like snakes, they rose and started for the kids. I did some pelting of my own ... with my deadly ball bearings washed in the snows of Eden.

I took out three. The other nine wheeled about and charged me, only to be pelted again by the apples. Some broke upon impact, disintegrating the elves one by one.

I realized how Captain Sam had gotten those apples to magically appear. He must have watered them with the melted snows of Eden. No wonder those revenant elves went up in smelly smoke at the touch of their juices.

I turned to see Santa right at my throat. "You've been a very naughty boy, Victor. Time to die."

I saw Alice, in her short-skirted Christmas Gothic Lolita outfit, form out of mist behind him. "But he hasn't been naughty with me, yet, Santa."

She winked at me. "Leave you alone for a minute and there you go, throwing yourself at pretty elves."

"Close your eyes, kids!," I yelled, seeing the smile die in her neon eyes.

There must have something to the tone of my voice because all the kids covered their eyes. And Alice ... well, Alice, my ghoul friend, had a midnight snack.

A few Santa screams later, Alice flowed to me, licking her bloody fingers. "My first Christmas butterball turkey. Yum!"
A Christmas Haiku in a similar vein as my above post :

Christmas Moon looks down,
Alice's hand squeezes mine,
Stolen kiss is best.



  1. Loved it! And the illustration too! Great job Roland. Delightfully fiendish...

    I just love VIctor and Alice. What a great couple!


  2. Michael : Glad you liked it. Victor and Alice do make quite a pair, don't they? That illustration may be keep me up tonight though!

  3. OH, this is great. Serioulsy great. Alice is naughty and nice all at the same time. LOL. Victor's a :)


  4. Hi,

    This is so visual who needs a movie!? Great tension, threat, action, desire in differing ways, and most of all entertaining: inclusive giggle factor.

    Hell's Teeth, I went into panic mode this morning on checking out my dashboard. I thought I'd slept right through two days and nights - not so surprising considering burning of several candles to blob of wax these past days - and all because I wacked off a proposal to that suggested lit agent and now frantically reading through ms and editing like crazy.

    But, reading Victor's and Alice' latest adventure has sort of brought me down from panic cloud in thinking it's already Sat 18th.


  5. Kimber : Glad you liked it.

    Francine : My work end of week promises (or threatens) to be gruelling so I wanted to be sure I posted for your blogfest even if I had to do it early. Good luck with your rush of edits and better luck with the agent's approval and offering representation.

    Jodi : Yes, Victor mostly thinks he's lucky ... until he thinks of finger sandwiches (Alice style.) Glad you enjoyed my story.

  6. If I am killed, that's how I want to go: Smothered my pretty elves wearing mini-skirts. Gotta love those ears.

  7. Really gross ending...which means I love it, of course

  8. Yikes! That gave me a whole different view on Christmas and elves. And that pic freaked me out.


  9. I'm with Walter. Death by miniskirt doesn't sound so bad.

    Still a big fan of that ball-bearing weapon. Like I said in my post today, that's something to talk about! Very cool.

    - Eric

  10. I'll never picture Santa Claus the same way again. Hurray for the kids! And hurray for Victor and Alice once again--they're one of the best teams.

    I loved reading your blogfest entry!

  11. Aaagh! What a scary Santa pic! Freaky. Enjoyed the title of the blog and your version of a horror Christmas tale. ;o)

  12. ...ahh the mind of Roland, truly remarkable:)

    I'm thinking however, perhaps a meet and greet with Alice may not be so know, from a guys' perspective. Okay, I'll shut up.

    Good stuff as always. Unforgettable.

  13. Me sha, have a little something for you at my place!

  14. Walter : The mini-skirted killer elves was my tip of the hat to all those ancient Hammer Studio films with those clothing challenged vampire sirens. But really it wasn't the short skirts that held Victor's attention -- it was their razored nails and sharp fangs. But Alice will never let him lives those mini-skirted elves down!

    Elena : Some eat chocolate-covered Santas. Alice just eats homicidal ones. LOL.

    Jai : Isn't that picture creepy? Brrrr. And if any Mall Santa invites into his igloo to meet his elves -- just remember Victor!

    Eric : Victor kinda liked those skirts, too. It were their steel nails and long fangs that proved to be a mood-killer! I thought long and hard what a street kid could carry as a weapon on the mean streets of a big city. Ball bearings seemed perfect. I've been practicing with them myself. You can put a lot of heft into those things after a little practice. I'm happy you think they're memorable. And thanks for telling your brother about Sam McCord. Now, if I can only convince an agent to sell him.

    Golden Eagle : I thought the kids coming to Victor's defense made a nice twist. And I also think Victor and Alice make an unforgetable team. Michael thinks one day stores will carry Halloween costumes of Alice and Victor. A nice dream, right?

    Carol : That picture gives me the willies, too. That's why I thought it fit my post. And what is Christmas without a holiday horror tale? Glad you liked it.

  15. Elliot : A meet and greet with Alice is all that Victor thinks about ... if he can just manage it when she's not hungry! Thanks for enjoying my Christmas tale.

    Kittie : Thanks for the award and drive safe!!

  16. Santa horrors! Oh, what are my kids going to say when I don't leave cookies out because Mom's scared?

  17. You just scared the living daylights out of me! @_@

    Slay Belles...that was great! You should have lunch with Tim Burton...he could take some pointers from your imagination!
    Edge of Your Seat Romance

  18. Oh, this was way too clever and fun!!!!!

    BTW, that Santa, well, he's a sight, for sure!

    Great, great post!

  19. Elves, ball bearings, apples, children, Santa of sorts...and Victor Standish. This tale has it all! Great story Roland!

  20. Lydia : Leaves the cookies next to a map detailing the nearest blood bank, and you'll be just fine. LOL. Thanks for stopping and commenting.

    Raquel : What is Christmas without a scary story or two. Remember THE CHRISTMAS CAROL? That's where the phrase "scared the Dickens out of me" came from. Or at least that's what Alice told me. And being a gentleman (and slightly nervous about finger sandwiches), I believed her!

    Words Crafter : Never count Victor or Alice out. They are some of the most fun characters that I've written. Thanks for thinking so, too.

    L'Aussie : And mini-skirts, too. It's a guy thing. LOL. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

  21. A great story! Look forward to reading more in the New Year. Have a wonderful Christmas.

  22. I loved the sleigh belles in the night! LOL! That was pretty fab and the haiku was great too Thanks for joining in my bloghop too :O)

  23. I like the idea of evil, killer elves, and throwing special apples at them.

  24. A wonderful story, Roland. Loved it.

    Have a lovely Christmas and a Super New Year!!

  25. That was AWESOME Roland! I loved it! That pic also gives me the absolute willies... NICE! Please tell me this short is part of a larger piece or at least characters for a novel series? You've got a winning idea there... using all the fun and fuzzy fairy tales from childhood as evil spawn... I'm already giggling in terror over the Easter Bunny...LOL

    Oh and BTW I'm stealing your virtual cat for my blog--I LOVE IT!


  26. Well thought out Roland. Great imagination, snows of Eden. The Santa picture was really scary.
    N. R. Williams, fantasy author

  27. Great twist- I really love Alice and what a good way for those kids to help!

  28. Fantastic tale Roland, as always! Loved the children and the apples especially, and very pleased that Alice got her butterballs.

  29. I had to scroll down and comment on the picture first and foremost. So grisley - oh I like it already. (When are you going to opt for a pop-up comment window Dear?) I played the music while I read too. I wanted the full horror effect.

    That title is just too perfect! And I'm laughing too much to comment properly. I enjoyed this.

    I think I gotta read it again; its just too much fun.

    Thanks for taking the time out of your overwhelming week to comment on my own entry. But you should seriously look into some e-zines to publish this. Its great.


  30. Not the Santa I'll be waiting for :) Fabulous.

  31. Love the way your mind works, Roland!