WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR DREAM DIES?

{Image of Meilori courtesy of Leonora Roy}

The dream and its fulfillment was your future.

The dream and its fulfillment was your chief goal.

The dream was happy, peaceful and comforting - especially when the times were dark.

The dream was a part of you as much as your finger or eye.

And when a part of you is amputated, there is shock, blood, and denial.

Now ...

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR DREAM DIES?

1. Grieve/Mourn –

 Cry, scream, sob, feel sad, stop smiling that plastic smile, and do whatever you feel like doing.

Losing a dream hurts.

Stuffing the hurt down will only be a temporary remedy.

When we stuff our feelings down and try to hide them, 

the pain will fester and eventually manifest itself somewhere and it usually isn’t a pretty sight.

So allow yourself to go through the grieving process.

There’s really no reason to hide your pain. 

Feeling it will allow your heart and mind the opportunity to heal.


2. Schedule Free Time –

 When a dream dies, it not only affects your heart, but it also seeps into every other aspect of your life.

Providing yourself the time to do anything you want whenever you want to do it will take the pressure off you to succeed in multiple tasks.

Your responsibility after a dream dies is to heal.

That’s it.

Just take the time to heal by giving yourself the right to have lots of free time void of commitments and responsibilities.

Think broken leg.  First, the cast.  Then, the crutch.  Lastly, the cane.  Aim for the goal of walking on your own ... but in stages.

But don't keep the cast.  It is only a stage.


3. Share but Care –

Most “people” don’t want to listen to you go on and on about how sad you are that your dream died. 

It just isn’t something most people want to do.

There are some friends or family members that will be there to listen no matter how many times you express your pain.

But do not lean too hard or too long.  

The Father's hours are always open and speaking aloud to Him your pains and thoughts will allow you to hear what you might otherwise be denying in your silent thoughts.


4. Do Stuff –

Don’t sit and stare out the window counting clouds that float by each day. Use your spare time to do stuff.

You can do stuff alone or with people, inside your home, outside in nature or with the masses at the shopping malls. 

Do things that used to bring you pleasure apart from your dream.

See if there are any community services to which you can volunteer.  

Here, there is Abraham's Tent, a city center where they provide meals.  They always need servers. 

You know how to read.  Join a community center where they teach literacy to adults longing to learn how to read.

Those activities will draw you out of yourself, awakening you to a world of hurting people.


5. Forgive –

Easy to say.  Hard to do.

The hurtful people in your world forge a cold environment of predators and prey.  

But eventually the predator always becomes the prey.  And they will have no one in their life left to give a damn.

Forgiving is a powerful action.

It takes so much energy to harbor anger and resentment. 

Resentment is like taking poison, hoping the person who hurt you dies of it.  

Know what?  He/She is out there dancing.

The best revenge is to live well. 

When a dream dies, make a concerted effort to forgive the person(s) or thing(s) that caused the loss. 

Don’t skip this step.

Especially when the person you have to forgive is yourself.


6. Happy People –

Surround yourself with happy people who laugh because it is contagious. 

It may take you time to mingle with people or even to feel something is humorous, but the aura or vibe that happy people give off will help you heal from the lost dream.

Can't be with people just yet?  

Try DVD's of comedies.  

Did LOONEY TUNES make you laugh as a child?  

Watch a collection of cartoons of your favorite characters.  Re-awaken the child within.


7. New Goals/Dreams –

Look to the horizon.  The ticking minutes bring you closer to a new tomorrow.  Think of what would make it a better one.

Write down new goals and dreams.

Just brainstorm everything that enters your mind even if it seems impossible. 

Later you can go back and narrow down the list to a few things that you really want to work towards. 

When a dream dies, take the time to dream another dream.


8. Take Your Time –

Losing a dream is literally a death and it feels like one too. 

Take your time to heal from the death of the dream in order to cope with the huge emptiness you feel from the loss.

A bad wound does not heal in a day or even in a week or month.

Be kind to yourself in the same way you would be kind to someone who had a loved one die. 

You aren’t in a race and there isn’t a time limit on your grieving, 

so take you time to get through the healing process at a speed that makes you feel comfortable.

Change is hard, and how you cope with those changes is the real key to future happiness.

In the words of D.G. Hudson:

When our dreams die, they sometimes feed the growth of another dream. Perhaps that first dream is not our intended path.