So you can read my books

Sunday, May 15, 2016


{Image of Meilori courtesy of Leonora Roy}

The dream and its fulfillment was your future.

The dream and its fulfillment was your chief goal.

The dream was happy, peaceful and comforting - especially when the times were dark.

The dream was a part of you as much as your finger or eye.

And when a part of you is amputated, there is shock, blood, and denial.

Now ...


1. Grieve/Mourn

 Cry, scream, sob, feel sad, stop smiling that plastic smile, and do whatever you feel like doing.

Losing a dream hurts.

Stuffing the hurt down will only be a temporary remedy.

When we stuff our feelings down and try to hide them, 

the pain will fester and eventually manifest itself somewhere and it usually isn’t a pretty sight.

So allow yourself to go through the grieving process.

There’s really no reason to hide your pain. 

Feeling it will allow your heart and mind the opportunity to heal.

2. Schedule Free Time

 When a dream dies, it not only affects your heart, but it also seeps into every other aspect of your life.

Providing yourself the time to do anything you want whenever you want to do it will take the pressure off you to succeed in multiple tasks.

Your responsibility after a dream dies is to heal.

That’s it.

Just take the time to heal by giving yourself the right to have lots of free time void of commitments and responsibilities.

Think broken leg.  First, the cast.  Then, the crutch.  Lastly, the cane.  Aim for the goal of walking on your own ... but in stages.

But don't keep the cast.  It is only a stage.

3. Share but Care –

Most “people” don’t want to listen to you go on and on about how sad you are that your dream died. 

It just isn’t something most people want to do.

There are some friends or family members that will be there to listen no matter how many times you express your pain.

But do not lean too hard or too long.  

The Father's hours are always open and speaking aloud to Him your pains and thoughts will allow you to hear what you might otherwise be denying in your silent thoughts.

4. Do Stuff

Don’t sit and stare out the window counting clouds that float by each day. Use your spare time to do stuff.

You can do stuff alone or with people, inside your home, outside in nature or with the masses at the shopping malls. 

Do things that used to bring you pleasure apart from your dream.

See if there are any community services to which you can volunteer.  

Here, there is Abraham's Tent, a city center where they provide meals.  They always need servers. 

You know how to read.  Join a community center where they teach literacy to adults longing to learn how to read.

Those activities will draw you out of yourself, awakening you to a world of hurting people.

5. Forgive

Easy to say.  Hard to do.

The hurtful people in your world forge a cold environment of predators and prey.  

But eventually the predator always becomes the prey.  And they will have no one in their life left to give a damn.

Forgiving is a powerful action.

It takes so much energy to harbor anger and resentment. 

Resentment is like taking poison, hoping the person who hurt you dies of it.  

Know what?  He/She is out there dancing.

The best revenge is to live well. 

When a dream dies, make a concerted effort to forgive the person(s) or thing(s) that caused the loss. 

Don’t skip this step.

Especially when the person you have to forgive is yourself.

6. Happy People

Surround yourself with happy people who laugh because it is contagious. 

It may take you time to mingle with people or even to feel something is humorous, but the aura or vibe that happy people give off will help you heal from the lost dream.

Can't be with people just yet?  

Try DVD's of comedies.  

Did LOONEY TUNES make you laugh as a child?  

Watch a collection of cartoons of your favorite characters.  Re-awaken the child within.

7. New Goals/Dreams

Look to the horizon.  The ticking minutes bring you closer to a new tomorrow.  Think of what would make it a better one.

Write down new goals and dreams.

Just brainstorm everything that enters your mind even if it seems impossible. 

Later you can go back and narrow down the list to a few things that you really want to work towards. 

When a dream dies, take the time to dream another dream.

8. Take Your Time

Losing a dream is literally a death and it feels like one too. 

Take your time to heal from the death of the dream in order to cope with the huge emptiness you feel from the loss.

A bad wound does not heal in a day or even in a week or month.

Be kind to yourself in the same way you would be kind to someone who had a loved one die. 

You aren’t in a race and there isn’t a time limit on your grieving, 

so take you time to get through the healing process at a speed that makes you feel comfortable.

Change is hard, and how you cope with those changes is the real key to future happiness.

In the words of D.G. Hudson:

When our dreams die, they sometimes feed the growth of another dream. Perhaps that first dream is not our intended path.


  1. It sounds as if a dream of yours has died, Roland, and I'm so sorry about that. Me, I've had lots of 'em croak, but I keep going and shift goals, just as you advise. And yes, comedy and good people help every times.

    1. I've had dreams and loved ones die in the past but none recently. But because I have, I know how it felt.

      I just felt that someone out there in my circle of cyber-friends needed this post. I always listen to that small, still voice. :-)

      Thanks for caring, Helena. It means a lot.

  2. Forgive. That is such an important step. The hardest to forgive is ourselves.

    1. Yes. Our mistakes forever return to us in our memories, making forgiveness a hard thing to grant ourselves.

  3. Throughout the years, I've experienced shattered dream and it took time to reflect and realise that life doesn't always pan out the way we want it to and usually there is a reason for it (even if we don't know it at the time). I usually have a big sob, rant and rave for a bit, feel sorry for myself for a bit and then brush myself off and start again. Sending power and strength to all those that are going through the difficult process of losing a dream at the moment.

    1. I have had tell myself that the death of the dream was bad enough without beating myself over the head with it.

      Life is what it is. We rob ourselves of what treasure remains to us by brooding over what is no longer there.

      I add my thoughts and prayers to yours to all bleeding silently. :-)

  4. Oh yes. The death of dreams takes its toll, but usually there's another dream that floats in to take the place of the deceased one. My tactic is to roll up into a ball on my bed until I recover from my loss and find that new and shiny thing.

    1. When my mother died, and I longed to close my store for the day -- the Mall Manager refused, threatening me with a $500 fine PER HOUR if I did. An ice storm, the last such here, paralyzed the town the next day, and I got my time to grieve and come to terms with going on without her in my corner.

      The Father has always given me a way. Thanks for being my friend, Lee.

  5. Situations change and sometimes dreams are no longer attainable. Grieving over our loss is only natural, however it’s wrong to tie our dreams to another individual. Holding someone else culpable for destroying our dreams is cowardly. We are responsible for our own happiness, our own dreams, and should love without burdening. Forgiveness should never come into it.

    VR Barkowski

    1. Sometimes in relationships betrayal enters in. And as Alex says it is very hard for us to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and making a mistake. :-)

      You are right though: we are responsible for our own happiness. Thanks for visiting and staying to chat as you did so often in the past. I've missed you. :-)

  6. Very inspirational, but somehow, a bit depressing. But that's just me, I think.

    1. Sorry about the depression! I promise to be a better host. :-)

  7. Why is the dream dead? Dreams shouldn't die. They may change. Things change, and dreams can change with them. Morph into something else. But die? Dreams only die if we let them.

    1. I hear you. :-) Sometimes dreams don't die. They are merely delayed, The Father murmuring: "Not yet."

  8. Great heartfelt tips. I don't think anyone is harder on me than me when I fail.

    You are an awesome writer. I hope you never let your writing dream die.

    1. Like you, Teresa, I am very hard on myself when I fail or make a mistake ... as if I could be perfect! :-)

      Thanks for the kind words. I have given up the hope that my writing will catch on. Yet, I am too stubborn to stop. :-)

  9. Hi Roland ... thankfully I rarely dream - maybe I should .. practicality creeps in. Also I tend to move on and do something different - now definitely is the time ... take care and all the best - Hilary

    1. Practicality. Mark Twain hated the word -- which is why his wife called him Youth. But he had her to be the grown-up!

      I pray that in the days ahead, The Father grants you strength to take the next step and sufficient light to see where to place it. :-)

  10. Surprised me with that quote, Roland. Dreams are what make us get up each day, they are more tenacious than goals. Some listen to their dreams, some do not. Anyone can be practical, but not everyone listens to their dreams. . .I admit, forgiveness isn't something I do easily, it must be the stubborn Scottish/American blood of my ancestors.

    1. It's forgiving myself that comes hard! I was struck by the wisdom of your past words and thought to make you smile with them. :-)