So you can read my books

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


"Sometimes I wonder

whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on

or by imbeciles who really mean it."

- Mark Twain.

Ghost of Samuel Clemens here. While babysitting Roland's blog in his absence, I've wandered over to his friends' blogs ---

who in tarnation named them that? Sounds like I'm going to sink in tar like one of those dinosaurs when I visit one.

Anyway, being the beloved literary genius that I am, I noticed a lot of you have been writing on how to get folks to like you,

to hang after you,

and to put their faces on your "wanted poster" as it were.


Be easy.

Be seductive, don't you know.

1.) What you learn by picking up a cat by the tail, you can learn in no other way.

In other words, learn by doing. Experiment. Gals do it all the time. That dress doesn't draw any whistles? Put on another.

Try something in your blog new and different. If no one comments, drop it faster than a politician does morals upon election.

2.) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I mean, make your visitors laugh. Your blog is your home. Folks go where they feel comfortable, accepted, where they leave feeling better than when they came.

3.) Your blog is your Mini_Me novel. (And yes, even ghosts watch movies.)

And like in your novel, You need not expect to get your blog right the first time.

Write your post like you'd write a page in your novel.

Go to work and revamp or rewrite it.

God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives.

You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

The time to begin writing your post is when you have finished it to your satisfaction.

By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say.

4.) You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

By which, children, I mean to not have your visitors leave your blog with their mental faces all screwed up in distaste.

A.) No bragging. Not even if it's true.

B.) No slandering others not there. Not even if it's true. Don't make your guests squirm.

C.) Do help.

You know some of those literary potholes you twisted an ankle on? Point those out to those who follow after you. Make the road you walk easier for the next fella after you.

5.) It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

The same for your post. Your blog is the only YOU most folks will ever see. Make sure a first time visitor gets the best YOU that you can offer.

To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.

To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...

Anybody can have ideas --

the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.

And that's all the wisdom I can presently conjure. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind :

it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Don't be a stranger, hear? You don't want to miss my next brilliant gem of a post.


  1. Very good advice there! I'll have to remember some of that when I'm writing my posts.

  2. ...yeah I don't know, the nude photo on my blog really didn't garner that much attention...

    *giggle* so how long you gonna spend hunting for that? And it is there *grin*

  3. 1.) What you learn by picking up a cat by the tail, you can learn in no other way.

    How very true.

  4. I wouldn't think of missing one of your gems, Mr. Twain.

  5. Love the politicians and their morals.

    And I especially like the advice to make people feel comfortable. I so enjoy my friends who comment. I think I enjoy the comments more than I enjoy blogging. So I do want to make people feel at home.

    Thanks, Mr. Twain:)

  6. While you are about Mr. Clemens to you think you tell us how Tom Sawyer Amoung the Indians was going to end before it stopped writing itself? That one might have been too seductive to have let go . . .

  7. For some reason I feel like calling Yoda. Not because you are a strange, furry creature, but because this post is filled with so much wisdom.


  8. No bragging or bitching, how true how true.

    And Do Help. That's one of the reasons I stop by your blog so often, Roland. I don't get by here for every post, but when I do, you don't disappoint, and you always leave me ponderizing.

    Though I don't have your patience. While it might take you a week -- and your posts are certainly more involved than mine -- I tend to tumble around an idea for a day or two and then, as you advise, once it's finished to my satisfaction, I write it down in one long regurgitation.

    - Eric

  9. I must be an epic slacker, 'cuz I typically just write about whatever is bouncing around in my head. Funny, I just heard U2 singing 'Some Days'...some days I feel silly, grouchy, overwhelmed, ponder-ful, excited...and I just spew it all out there....

    This IS some really good, sound advice. My blog is my home-I especially like that one. I try to treat everyone who comes over, family or guests, with courtesy, respect, and to make them feel at ease and at home, and mostly, welcome....great post!

  10. What a grand post, Mr. C. Enjoyed every word.

    PeeEss...I know this is just a product of my weird persnickety brain, but the girl in your header...why is the French manicure on her little pinky messed up? :D Sorry, had to ask.

  11. Such seductive advice. I do believe it's some of the finest I've come across!

    I make little changes to my blog all the time; it's never-ending, but that's how I am. And without naming names, I've come across a number of blogs that are nowhere near as interesting as the stories the writers come up with. A shame.

  12. Great advice, thank you! Another one out of the ballpark. I've been hankering for some blog sprucing and have been looking around.

    How's the storm watch out around Lake Charles?

    Stay safe, that rebel, Olivia

  13. Here, here, Samuel! Well done. And we all know Roland follows your advice quite well when he's around to blog ;)

  14. Fast note between blood runs -- I was alone at the center yesterday and worked 13 hours straight and drove 427 miles. Whew!

    If I haven't visited your blogs, it isn't because I don't care -- I am just bushed. That and I'm still working today. Another 7 day straight gauntlet. I need a vacation!

  15. Fantastic advice. And I love the video. There is a quote that starts something like "Dance like nobody's watching". That is one of the most inspirational sayings I have ever read. I've seen it around in several different media forms, but I've taken it to heart every time I encounter it.

    I live out loud; both in my day job and in the blogs. If I say it, I mean it, and I'm not afraid to pay a compliment.

    This was an excellent post Sam. So many of these inspirational quotes have followed me through my life, and I cherish them for their simple honesty.