RAQUEL BYRNES ... who has done a post on FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE and moi :
http://nitewriter6.blogspot.com/2011/05/french-quarter-nocturne-dark-urban.html
Denise Covey and Francine Howarth
have devised a Glitz & Glamor Romantic Challenge for us :
http://fridaynightwriters.blogspot.com/
My 399 word entry is again from LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOU :
Luke Winters has spent his whole life straddling two worlds,
Lakota and White, belonging in neither.
The woman he has loved all his life has become the feared donna of the crime family which controls the state.
Join Luke as he enters a party where revenge is the main course :
The driver dropped me off, disappearing into the night. A disapproving waiter led me into a modest drawing room the size of Missouri.
Rubies and diamonds sparkled on ivory throats and wrists like drippings from the sea.
The low rumble of the music was muffled by the rise and fall of empty conversation and brittle laughter.
I looked at the ebb and tide of desire upon wealth, greed upon opportunity.
The social elite milling through the room seemed to be talking against a darkness that pressed in on them or fought to escape them.
I was caught up in a sense of unreality as if the world of sun, mountain, and desert had slipped out of reach somehow.
It wasn’t the first time. In fact I had lived most of my years in Boston in that twilight world.
My years. A long trail of disconnected moments that had failed to add up to a life. A deep voice suddenly sneered beside me.
“It is only the superficial qualities that entice. Man’s deeper nature always is rancid in some fashion. Isn’t that right, Dr. Winters? Oh, I forgot. You lost your license, didn’t you?”
I turned. Dr. Winwood, the city’s leading psychologist.
His block chin jutted out at me like a blunt instrument.
His smile was a mask, behind which his calculating mind peered out, weighing the blush here, the furtive glance there.
His smug face said he knew the bills in my mailbox and the sins of my past. He had too much free time.
“Still his success rate is higher than yours, Winwood.”
I turned to my left.
Victoria, elegant in a retro-Titanic gown that was suddenly all the rage, one arm tucked behind her back. As always the sight of her hit me like a physical blow.
Her body was as slim and slight as the branch of a birch. Her shoulders were the white of mountain peaks.
Her long, sparkling gown blazed under the bright lights as if spun from fresh-shed blood. And her face? Her face.
It was beautiful and terrible beyond any singing of it. I found myself holding my breath as I lost myself in her green eyes.
Most found those eyes frighteningly cold. But that was just a polished front to hide the fact that they’d lost their way a long time ago.
Perhaps my own eyes looked the same.
***
have devised a Glitz & Glamor Romantic Challenge for us :
http://fridaynightwriters.blogspot.com/
My 399 word entry is again from LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOU :
Luke Winters has spent his whole life straddling two worlds,
Lakota and White, belonging in neither.
The woman he has loved all his life has become the feared donna of the crime family which controls the state.
Join Luke as he enters a party where revenge is the main course :
The driver dropped me off, disappearing into the night. A disapproving waiter led me into a modest drawing room the size of Missouri.
Rubies and diamonds sparkled on ivory throats and wrists like drippings from the sea.
The low rumble of the music was muffled by the rise and fall of empty conversation and brittle laughter.
I looked at the ebb and tide of desire upon wealth, greed upon opportunity.
The social elite milling through the room seemed to be talking against a darkness that pressed in on them or fought to escape them.
I was caught up in a sense of unreality as if the world of sun, mountain, and desert had slipped out of reach somehow.
It wasn’t the first time. In fact I had lived most of my years in Boston in that twilight world.
My years. A long trail of disconnected moments that had failed to add up to a life. A deep voice suddenly sneered beside me.
“It is only the superficial qualities that entice. Man’s deeper nature always is rancid in some fashion. Isn’t that right, Dr. Winters? Oh, I forgot. You lost your license, didn’t you?”
I turned. Dr. Winwood, the city’s leading psychologist.
His block chin jutted out at me like a blunt instrument.
His smile was a mask, behind which his calculating mind peered out, weighing the blush here, the furtive glance there.
His smug face said he knew the bills in my mailbox and the sins of my past. He had too much free time.
“Still his success rate is higher than yours, Winwood.”
I turned to my left.
Victoria, elegant in a retro-Titanic gown that was suddenly all the rage, one arm tucked behind her back. As always the sight of her hit me like a physical blow.
Her body was as slim and slight as the branch of a birch. Her shoulders were the white of mountain peaks.
Her long, sparkling gown blazed under the bright lights as if spun from fresh-shed blood. And her face? Her face.
It was beautiful and terrible beyond any singing of it. I found myself holding my breath as I lost myself in her green eyes.
Most found those eyes frighteningly cold. But that was just a polished front to hide the fact that they’d lost their way a long time ago.
Perhaps my own eyes looked the same.
***
Oooh, intriguing :)
ReplyDeleteExquisite, Roland... "talking against a darkness that pressed in on them or fought to escape them." What a perfect description of superficial decadence.
ReplyDeleteYour writing and storytelling captures the reader from the first word. Such a gift.
Intriguing and wonderful, with each word as beautiful as an exquisite gem. Loved the descriptions, Roland.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me know I can download Kindle for PC (your reply to my comment on Donna's blog).
Your books sound lovely. Here is wishing you lots of publishing success, Roland.
Beautiful and terrible beyond the singing of it - fabulous line. Without any preface, that tells me so much about this character.
ReplyDeleteSarah :
ReplyDeleteIf I've intrigued you, then I hit my target! Thanks.
Margo :
Your words made my morning. And that is with my air conditioning broken, too!
Rachna :
I wish you success in your publication dreams as well. I hope you find many interesting books through "Kindle for PC."
Beverly :
"Beautiful and terrible beyond any singing of it" does describe Victoria to a T. Thanks for enjoying my snippet. Roland
Yes I want to read on! If only I could writ as well as this... you seem to have covered almost every topic in your fiction which is astounding.
ReplyDeleteThanks, AndyMac89 :
ReplyDeleteYour words about my writing made a very uncomfortable morning much easier to bear. If you download the free "Kindle for PC," you can download the FREE first pages of LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOU. If you like it, then for .99 you can read how it all ends for Luke and his forbidden love, Victoria.
This is such a different 'voice' than your usual writing. I enjoy both, I must admit!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Heather. Great different voice. But believe me this excerpt still exudes with the Roland Yeomans magical touch.
ReplyDeleteYour descriptions are uniquely yours.
Ahhhh... mysterious femme fatale. Green eyed women are the best. (;
ReplyDelete(= This looks like it would be a good read.
I could practically taste the atmosphere in this excerpt - great writing as always
ReplyDeleteLxx
Rubies and diamonds sparkled on ivory throats and wrists like drippings from the sea. Such descriptions. Yes, a different Roland voice but just as fascinating. You took us right there into the moment which is indeed a gift.
ReplyDeleteDenise<3
And it looks like this comment will go through! Wow!
Heather :
ReplyDeleteLuke Winters was taught to see life through the perspective of the Lakota since he was raised by his grandfather who was a Lakota elder. He sees people and events, comparing them to Nature in all her aspects. His is the voice of my own teachings from my half-Lakota mother. Glad you picked up on the difference.
Michael :
Luke's perspective is that of an educated Native American, looking at white culture from the outside. Sadly, it is the magic of a culture all but gone from our country. It means a lot to me that you enjoyed this snippet.
Jo :
Mysterious ... and deadly -- as Luke finds out at the end of the party!
Laura :
I really am happy you liked the Native American Noir atmosphere to this excerpt.
Denise :
I'm glad I was able to bring you to stand by Luke's side at that party. You wrote of a country song in your entry. One of Mother's favorite albums was Hank Williams' LUKE THE DRIFTER. A major reason I picked Luke for my MC's name. I'm truly happy to see you were able to leave me a comment. Yay!! Roland
Roland!! This is some terrific writing!!!
ReplyDeleteI just noticed that you had joined my blog as a follower. You really need to read my latest post. It is about your neck of the woods!!
Thanks, Judie :
ReplyDeleteI'm heading to your blog now. Have a great Memorial Day weekend, Roland
Hi Roland, I love your descriptions. I could have kept reading.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping this comment will go thru. Blogger tells me that I am anonymous and then takes me to sign in over and over again. It has been like this for days.
It worked!!!! yay It must be certain blogs.
ReplyDeleteNiki :
ReplyDeleteIf you can make it to the sign in page, fill everything out but do NOT check the box in front of KEEP ME SIGNED IN. Sometimes that helps. Roland
Thanks will give it a go. I tried before on a different blog and the comment wouldn't go through.
ReplyDeleteNiki :
ReplyDeleteI'll keep my fingers crossed for you. If I had your email address, I'd send you LET THE WIND BLOW THROUGH YOU since you liked the snippet. Have a beautiful weekend, Roland
Yay it worked! Thanks Roland :)))))
ReplyDeleteNiki :
ReplyDeleteSam McCord told me it was the least a Texican could do! Glad it worked, Roland
Tell your Samuel McCord that I have just downloaded kindle and bought FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE...That's the least a kiwi could do :)
ReplyDeleteNiki :
ReplyDeleteSam tips his Stetson to you. We both hope you enjoy his adventures in the days following Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. And thanks very much, Roland
A hint of sadness and possibly salvation in those last lines. Great descriptive similies :O)
ReplyDeleteI can tell I'm dealing with a character that sees far beyond the glitz and glamour before him. His adoration of the woman is also clear.
ReplyDeleteI, too, fell victim to yet another Yeoman's voice. And my favorite line is this: His smug face said he knew the bills in my mailbox and the sins of my past.
ReplyDeleteThat is a sweet line that reveals a multitude of information about both characters in such an easy and flawless way. Nice job.
Thanks for posting Kittie's Trailer.
Madeleine :
ReplyDeleteSometimes a part of you has to die for the best of you to live. Yes, those last lines offer salvation for both lovers -- if they but have the courage to let go of "needful things."
J. L. :
Thanks for letting me know that I got Luke the way I imagined him : one of the last who see life in the Lakota way.
Wendy :
I was proud and happy to post Kittie's trailer. I look forward to the release of her book. And much thanks for the gracious comment on my snippet. Have a lovely weekend, Roland
Always fun to read writing bits on author's blogs. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Nice trailer, by the way.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rebecca :
ReplyDeleteYours was a lovely blog to visit. I envy you your hikes in the woods. Too humid to enjoy the hikes in our neck of the woods. LOL.
A great scene Roland. I loved this evocative description:
ReplyDelete"It was beautiful and terrible beyond any singing of it. I found myself holding my breath as I lost myself in her green eyes."
I hope you have a great weekend Roland. I'll stop by Racquel's post.
.........dhole
Donna :
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by and caring enough to comment. I'm glad you liked my entry. I pray we both have a great weekend. And thanks for dropping by Raquel's site, too, Roland
Hi,
ReplyDeleteAh, loves dream: the torture, the temptation of it all. The thrill, the possession, the never quite sure! The trick of light, a gossamer thread and glittering web of delight.
Nice touch, here, Roland. Glad I'm wearing shades in my profile pic: could get a complex green-eyes are the Devil's entrapment tool. ;)
best
F
Hello again, Roland.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely a fantastic & intriguing snippet of writing!
I love the vivid description of your characters and the whole scene being played out on this night.
Nicely done!
Francine :
ReplyDeleteAh, green-eyed ladies -- my eternal weakness, hence the weakness of all my male heroes!
Andy :
Thanks for such nice words. May you have a great new week, Roland