Posts
Rachel Morgan & Cally Jackson have a fascinating blogfest idea :
THE POWER OF TENSION :
THE POWER OF TENSION :
http://www.rachel-morgan.com/2011/05/power-of-tension-blogfest.html
You have no more than 300 words to brew tension into your scene - jealousy, familial, danger, sexual or something even more primal.
My entry is from my YA urban fantasy, THE LEGEND OF VICTOR STANDISH, the whispered tale of the 13 year old street orphan who wanders into the dangerous world of my undead Texas Ranger, Sam McCord :
My 300 word entry comes from the chapter entitled : THEATER OF BLOOD/LESSON OF PAIN --
I slowly woke up. I hurt all over.
My head. My wrists. I looked up.
Crap.
I was hanging from my bleeding wrists, slowly swaying. A spotlight stabbed down upon me.
Applause.
I was hanging from handcuffs attached to chains from a stage's ceiling. I blinked my eyes to clear my throbbing head.
Hard footsteps to my left. Boots. As black as the Nazi S.S. uniform of the man heading towards me.
Seeing the man sent an ice pick stabbing into my chest.
Captain Sam had pointed this guy out to me. He'd warned me to stay away from this vampire with the strange stitching all around his neck.
Major Strasser.
He stopped a foot away. He ignored me. My feelings weren't hurt.
He turned to the slowly swaying people in the front row of the theater. I fought down a shiver.
They were swaying to the beat of my heart.
He smiled. "You are new to the Hunger. I will begin your orientation with a lesson on Blood Bags."
Their swaying got faster as my heart became a jackhammer. I was more scared than I had ever been. But I was Victor Standish.
"Can I skip class, Teach?”
He slashed my cheek with a riding crop. "Blood Bags are to be silent!"
"What about dirt bags?”
Again the riding crop. "Silence! The next slash will take out an eye."
I could take a hint. I shut up.
He turned to the new vampires.
"Blood Bags are slow."
He hit me in the cheek with the crop.
"Blood Bags are weak."
Again with the crop.
"Blood Bags are ...."
He swept down in the same arc. I ducked, snatching his crop from his hand with my teeth and spitting it out onto the stage.
"... unpredictable, Fritz."
Strasser roared in anger.
***
Uh Oh, sounds like Strasser doesn't appreciate unpredictability.
ReplyDeleteNice entry.
There's Just Life :
ReplyDeleteVampire Nazi's seldom do. LOL. He is the infamous Major Strasser from CASABLANCA fame. But Victor is the Ulysses of the French Quarter! And so begins a supernatural Wiley E. Coyote versus Roadrunner that is more nasty than funny. I'm glad you enjoyed my entry, Roland
Ooh, wit in the face of impending doom! I like it!
ReplyDeleteWell you know how much I like reading about Victor, this entry is great. Also, I can't wait for The green Lantern to come to the theaters here. We usually have to wait :(
ReplyDeleteThat was great, I loved it! :)
ReplyDeleteI love Victor's fire. If you're gonna die, might as well go out spittin'!
ReplyDeleteWonderful as always.
Oh, wonderful tension scene, Roland. His life is literally hanging in the balance. We're left wondering if he'll escape, but it's Victor Standish, so we know he will and however he does it, it's going to be great. Yay! :D
ReplyDeletevery NICE!! I love the emotions that this piece elicits.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
Grace
This was brill! just goes to show that a bit of bare-faced-cheek needn't damage the tension in a piece - fab!
ReplyDeleteLx
Great entry, gave me an anxious pain in the pit of my stomach. I love a good vampire story. Victor Standish. Hmm, I can tell you had fun writing this. I'm eager to read how his training goes.
ReplyDeleteJ.C. :
ReplyDeleteLong ago, Victor came to the conclusion that some creep was going to kill him. He decided he would die with a wise crack on his lips. Like in series,TREME, he won't bow -- he doesn't know how.
Siv :
And Victor likes you, too. I hate that you will have to wait for GREEN LANTERN. Can you believe it? He was the hero who started me as a writer. A kind woman taking care of me took his comic from my hands, led me to her typewriter, and she had me dictate a story, starring him, fighting enemies who used his weakness against him. She then read aloud my story to me : from that moment on, I was hooked -- I was going to be a writer.
Mrs. Hilton, wherever you are, thank you.
Amy :
Thanks for liking my entry, and thanks even more for following.
Charity :
You pegged Victor right off. That's Victor. For him, victory is never to bow. Thanks for liking his adventure.
Brenda :
Thanks for enjoying my tense scene. This is an edited version of that scene. I sow the seeds of how he escapes as this scene unfolds.
Victor has spent long hours in library after library in city after city. They are warm and no one bothers you. But you get put out if you don't read, so read he has -- and he has read every book on Harry Houdini that he could find. They don't call him the Ulysses of the French Quarter for nothing!
Grace :
That I was able to have you care for Victor makes my afternoon.
Laura :
Well, his cheeks paid the price for Victor being so cheeky! LOL. I'm glad his spunk didn't detract from the tension of the scene.
Laila :
Victor thanks you. In his world, Abigail Adams is a vampire and rules the American confederation of vampires. And Victor being Victor, he clashes with her with his fire and spirit -- and his Victorian ghoul friend, Alice Wentworth -- think a teenage Ulysses teamed with a Jane Eyre ghoul.
And yes, I do have fun writing Victor's adventures. Thank you so much for enjoying them as well. Roland
I especially love the detail of why they are swaying...to what. It makes the danger even more immediate and personal. Great job, Roland.
ReplyDeleteEdge of Your Seat Romance
This whole thing was pretty tense, but I really like this bit of humor:
ReplyDelete"I could take a hint. I shut up."
Raquel :
ReplyDeleteI thought that bit made Victor feel as if his own body was betraying him. Thanks for liking it.
Libby :
Victor stays sane in his insane world by his humor. I'm glad you enjoyed his humorous dig at himself.
Great combination. Very interesting.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Crystal :
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment on your entry, but Blogger will not let me sign in. I think Blogger hates me. I don't hear of anyone else having this trouble. Sigh. Have a great mid-week, Roland
Wow, definite tension. Freaky! I do hope he gets loose. He seems clever enough to do so. ;o) Hope your writing is going well, Roland!
ReplyDeleteSwaying to the beat of her heart is so creepy. There were a few passive parts, like the second "I was hanging" and the sentence starting with "seeing the man..." but overall, very good. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWill Victor ever learn to keep his mouth shut? Not likely .... Thank God.
ReplyDeleteHe is a true soul! Terrific excerpt Roland.
Thanks, Carol :
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope your writing is going well, too. Yes, Victor gets loose, but it costs him a broken thumb. It costs Strasser a bit more. Victor is like that! LOL.
LOL, Sharon :
This is one of the few times that Victor has been accused of being passive. :) Truly, thanks for the ways to improve my prose.
Michael :
Like you, I don't think Victor will ever learn to keep his mouth shut ... at least not for long! Thanks for liking my excerpt, Roland
Cool twist on a vampire story! Great entry, Roland.
ReplyDeleteScary...and then what happened? *bites her nails*
ReplyDeleteI really liked this! The style itself is very tense and energetic, and I loved the sharp wit from the MC. The only thing I would suggest changing is the way you wrote out Major Strasser's action. It felt kind of awkward because it was very "He did this, he did that." Otherwise, fabulous!
ReplyDeleteI liked "What about dirt bag" and "I could take a hint. I shut up."
ReplyDeleteYou know if your gonna die might as well go smiling.
Great entry.
Great job, Roland. Loved it, especially the quick pacing. Thought I detected a bit of Casablanca in the Major. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks to a button you had on your blog for Wendy, I asked her to do the trailer for my chapbook. I'm sooooo happy with what she produced. Google YouTube and type in Remy Broussard's Christmas for a sneak preview.
Sari :
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked my take on being threatened by a vampire -- not for food but for a school lesson!
Lady Gwen :
You can find out what happened next in my post hosted by Mark Twain :
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2010/09/back-to-school-blogfesttheatre-of.html
Hope you like it.
Gabrielle :
Glad you enjoyed Victor's humor. I'll have to study some on how to make Strasser's action sound more natural (for the undead, that is!)
Small Town Shelly Brown :
You hit the nail on the head for Victor. If he feels he is going to die, he will thumb his nose all the way at his enemies.
Kitty :
Wendy's trailer for you is fantastic and precious. I see why you are so pleased with it.
Ooo...the tension is sizzling. Deliciously dark and creepy. Loved it!
ReplyDeletePower Of Tension Blogfest
Love how the conflict between the two keeps up the tension high jinks!
ReplyDeleteThis book would be a kicker :)
Thanks, Ellie :
ReplyDeleteDelicious dark and creepy is poor Victor's life -- hence the ghoul friend he makes. LOL.
Damyanti :
I'm glad you think this book would be a kicker -- now, if only I can convince an agent of that!! Roland
I like this! Clear and immediate danger, but the MC has the fire to answer back. Nice!
ReplyDeleteBotonist :
ReplyDeleteVictor's cheeks paid the price for his "cheekiness." But it was a price Victor is always willing to pay not to lose respect for himself! I'm glad you liked it, Roland
Oh dear, this doesn’t look good for Victor... I do like his spirit though! Won’t go down without a fight!
ReplyDeleteThanks for entering, Roland :-)
Rachel :
ReplyDeleteVictor isn't called the "Ulysses of the French Quarter" for nothing. He always has a plan.
I had fun entering. Like Victor, I run the race for the thrill of it, not the thought of winning. Have a fun Sunday and Memorial Day. Me? As a harried, weary rare blood courier, I will be working, of course. LOL. Roland
Nice! I love Victor's attitude - stick it to 'em!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Crystal :
ReplyDeleteVictor has decided never to bow. He bears the scars of that decision, but he has never lost his self-respect. And it has made him a legend in the realms of darkness. Have a great Sunday and Monday, Roland
This is a great entry! The tension is terrific, and i love that Victor manages to hold onto his courage in the face of such danger. His smart-alecness makes him very likeable. If I were Stasser, I'd watch out. I'm guessing Victor has something up his sleeve!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting scene - I have a feeling that our friend will make it out alive, but only just!
ReplyDeleteSusanna :
ReplyDeleteVery perceptive. Victor always has a plan. Sometimes they even work!! But Victor never gives up. Thanks for liking my post. I hope the bear leaves you alone tonight. If I had your email address, I'd send you my fable, THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS (sort of a Native American Lord of the Rings)
Stickynotestories :
Yes, Victor makes it out with one broken thumb, a raw wrist, and laughter as he surprises Strasser with a little lesson of his own! Of course, there are the other vampires in the front row. But that will have to wait until I can find a publisher for THE LEGEND OF VICTOR STANDISH ...