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Monday, September 5, 2011

FIRST CAMPAIGNER CHALLENGE_THE DEVIL YOU SAY


Here is my entry for the first campaigner challenge from Rach Writes,

we had to write a piece of flash fiction no more than 200 words starting with "the door swung open"

and for a bit more of a challenge ending with "the door swung shut,"

plus being 200 words exactly:

Samuel McCord came to my rescue in this bit of flash fiction --


The door swung open.

It does that a lot at Meilori’s, my haunted jazz club. Usually Lucifer doesn’t walk in. Like now.

At least, he believed he was Lucifer. He called himself DayStar. Sadly, he had the sheer power and intellect to convince a lot of people he was who he said he was . I wasn’t one of them.

He was simply deluded. I smiled bitterly. There was a lot of that going around.

Dressed in an Armani suit, DayStar walked to my table and sat down.

The lights around my table went dark. All I could make out were his deep gray eyes.

"Hypocrite, I lie to others while you lie to yourself. What is the difference between you and me?"

I got my voice to work. "That question keeps me up nights."

"Excellent," laughed DayStar. “Have you ever thought how good it feels to kill people with that right hand of yours?”

“Each life is unique. Ending those lives should never feel good.”

“Really? It must feel good to God. He does it all the time.”

Laughing like the breaking of brittle bones, he got up and disappeared. I looked to the front.

The door swung shut.

***

35 comments:

  1. In and out and stirring up all sorts of questions that seem to relate to the not-so-good and downright evil.

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  2. You gotta love Lucifer in an armani suit!!

    Another dark and devilish vignette in the amazing life of Mr McCord! Take care
    x

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  3. J.L. :
    Yes, McCord considers himself a monster - but one that stands between the sheep and the wolves. Glad you enjoyed it.

    The Golden Eagle :
    I've missed you here. Yes, Meilori's is certainly dark and mysterious - just like its owner.

    Kitty :
    As McCord says, "Only the very best for the very worst." LOL. Lee is gone but the blood calls remain. Sigh. McCord certainly leads a life none could call boring! Roland

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  4. Very haunting. Daystar is one of my favorite characters of yours, I must say. But then, I like the dark powerful type.

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  5. Nicely done! I like the questions Lucifer asks.

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  6. I really like the line about laughter sounding like broken bones.

    But I think here: ". . . you like to . . ." you write like and I think maybe it should be lie.

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  7. Figures the devil would have a penchant for high-end clothing. Great job!

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  8. Trust DayStar to have the last word :-)

    Excellent as ever, Roland.

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  9. The devil is in the details. Awesome story.

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  10. Heather :
    Thanks. DayStar is the Hannibal Lektor of my mythos, haunted, powerful, yet doomed to be his worst enemy.

    Elana :
    Good to see you again. Thanks for liking the questions I gave DayStar to ask. I always leave it to the reader to decide if he is really Lucifer or not. But he is so powerful and immensely intelligent even his words alone can destroy a person.

    StoryTreasurer :
    You're right : I meant to write LIE instead of like. It comes from writing exhausted. After that flash fiction, I collapsed onto my air mattress and slept for 12 hours straight!

    Alledged Author :
    Actually DayStar owns Armani! At least in my mythos. LOL. Only the very best for the very worst!

    Thank you, Sarah :
    DayStar tries for the last word. And being so powerful and intelligent, he usually succeeds. Usually. But some next to last words overshadow the last ones.

    Ron Smith :
    It's when the devil is in your jazz club that it gets interesting! LOL. Thanks for liking my flash fiction, Roland

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  11. Wow! I love this little snippet of writing. The setting, at the jazz club and it's all so upbeat and very intriguing. Great flash!

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  12. Very good. You are strong on atmosphere. I love it.

    BTW, I enjoyed your book trailers. My daughter lives in New Orleans. I'll have to warn her about what lurks in the dark there (although I know she can handle herself quite well).

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  13. Great Biblical reference with 'DayStar'. It makes it more 'real'. I also thought it well done to have the devil question the MC. Master of manipulation, taunting at people's thoughts, making them question who/what they really are...that's the most frightening kind of being. I believe we're in the same adult fiction group. Nice to read some of your writing! ~ Nadja

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  14. Great promp. (= Awesome scene, Roland. Nailed it.

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  15. I liked it. I could instantly visualize the scene. Mine is #72

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  16. Allie :
    Thanks. When my YA urban fantasy comes out, THE LEGEND OF VICTOR STANDISH, it will occur in the same jazz club. And upbeat, funny, and dangerous are the words Victor lives by!

    Richard :
    If your daughter lives in New Orleans, she is quite aware of its more fearsome aspects. If she ever finds herself on St. Peter's when it transforms to Rue La Mort, she should keep an eye out for Meilori's!

    Nadja :
    Great that you caught the "DayStar" implications! Good for you. In FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE, in the chapter "Once The World Lived By Night," DayStar comes to McCord (the MC here) to commense a duel of spirits. I'm glad we are in the same adult group.

    Jo :
    Wasn't it a great promp? I am very happy you think I nailed it.

    Bridget :
    As soon as I get off of work, I will go to your flash fiction. Thanks for liking mine, Roland

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  17. E. Arroyo :
    Thanks. Have a great mid-week, Roland

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  18. Short yet profound. Deep insights Roland.

    ......dhole

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  19. ...a haunted jazz club... now THAT'S an awesome setting ;)

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  20. I love the setting in a haunted jazz club and the not-Lucifer. So much mystery and tension. Great job!

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  21. That's pretty creepy to have the 'Daystar' be a ghost in Armani. Well dressed ghost indeed.

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  22. Thanks, Donna :
    At this time of night, I am too weary to be profound, but not too weary to be grateful for a friend like you.

    1000th Monkey :
    Yes, I love my haunted jazz club so much that I made it central in my YA urban fantasy, too -- and in the beginning and ends of both of my historical fantasies. You get to see Meilori's during the Roaring Twenties in RITES OF PASSAGE and ADRIFT IN THE TIME STREAM -- plus see William Faulkner there as well! Is that cool or what?

    Christine :
    Is he or isn't he Lucifer. The MC's best friend, a vampire priest, believe DayStar is who he says he is! Brrrr.

    ScribblingPencil :
    Only the very best for the very worst. And when a police detective comes in wearing Armani later on, she raises eyebrows and heartbeats but for supernatural reasons!

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  23. Hello from the side of the boot! (Southeast La)

    You set such a creepy tone with so few words. Kudos. I don't think I'll be stepping in Meilori's anytime soon. ;) Especially with visitors like DayStar. *shudders*

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  24. AveryMarsh :
    You'd be safe at Sam's table ... if you didn't mind sharing company with his best friend, Father Renfield ... a vampire priest!

    Howdy from S.W. Louisiana! Roland

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  25. Kerrin :
    Glad I got the impression I was aiming for. Your entry was great as well. I left a comment, Roland

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  26. I enjoyed this atmosphere and the banter between the two characters. :) You gotta love a devil in an Armani suit! ;)

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  27. Amanda :
    Thanks for the great comment. Yes, DayStar always wore the best fashions ... even in 1853 when my MC first met him.

    But as last Friday's Romantic Challenge showed, DayStar is hardly lovable!

    http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2011/09/heart-stopper.html

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  28. I could *see* this as it happened. Great stuff!

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  29. Thank you, Deniz :
    I have had so little time with my duties as a blood courier that I have not made it to all my friends that I wanted to. You are a champ for making your way to my blog and commenting. Thanks, again, Roland

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  30. You make a night in Meilori's sound creepy with a few well chosen words. I love the line about delusion being a frequent complaint around the place.

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  31. I like the way you kept one of your characters alive--wait maybe they were dead. Oooh. I'm too late to enter, but I wrote one too.

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  32. Oh I really liked that! Armani suit very good:)

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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