So you can read my books

Friday, June 1, 2012


Let me channel Lydia Kang here:

1.) Half of the world's population is already infected ...

with toxoplasmosa gondii

a parasite that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat

so the parasite takes over the rat's brain, and

intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know it.

Humans and rats aren't all that different; thats why they use them to test our drugs.

All it takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa, one that could to do us what it does to the rats.

So, imagine if half the world suddenly had no instinct for self-preservation or rational thought.

Oh, we call that adolescence.

2.) Mad Cow Disease:
It attacks the cow's spinal cord and brain, turning it into a stumbling, mindless attack cow.

And, when humans eat the meat ...

How it can result in zombies:

When Mad Cow gets in humans, they call it Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. Check out the symptoms:

•Changes in gait (walking)
•Lack of coordination (for example, stumbling and falling)
•Muscle twitching
•Myoclonic jerks or seizures
•Rapidly developing delirium or dementia.

How many members of Congress does that describe?

So, imagine such an evolved disease, which we'll call Super Mad Cow getting a foothold through the food supply.

Say this disease spreads through blood-on-blood contact, or saliva-on-blood contact. Now you have a Rage-type virus that can be transmitted with a bite.

Just like the movies. With one bite, you're suddenly the worst kind of zombie:

A fast zombie.

3.) Neurogenesis.

As seen in ...
Laboratories around the world.

What is it?

You know all that conversy out there about stem cell research?

Well, the whole thing with stem cells is that they can basically be used to re-generate dead cells.

Particularly of interest to zombologists like ourselves is neurogenesis, the method by which they can re-grow dead brain tissue.

You can see where this is going.

Science is already able to re-grow the brains of comatose head trauma patients until they wake up and walk around again.

Couple that with the new ability to keep a dead body in a state of suspended animation

so that it can be brought back to life later, and soon we'll be able to bring back the dead, as long as we get to them quickly enough.

That sounds great, right?

Well, this lab dedicated to "reanimation research" (yes, that's what they call it) explains how the process of "reanimating" a person creates a problem.

It causes the brain to die off from the outside in. The outside being the cortex, the nice part of you that makes humans human.

That just leaves the part that controls basic motor function and primitive instincts behind.

So, you take a brain dead patient, use these techniques to re-grow the brain stem, and you now have a mindless body shambling around,

no thoughts and no personality, nothing but a cloud of base instincts and impulses.

Think about it. Under every legal system in the world,

all rights and responsibilities are terminated at death.

All it takes is someone with resources and a need for a mindless workforce of totally obedient slave labor.

How long until somebody tries this? We're betting somebody in the world, maybe North Korea, will have a working zombie by Christmas.

For further scientific scariness:

See 7 year old Victor Standish versus zombies in a Detroit infested with them!


  1. How many members of congress does that describe? LOL Oh if only that were an explanation.

  2. Michael:
    I'm glad you liked that one. I think the real explanation is more depressing!

  3. It was, "Oh, we call that adolescence." that got me. I raised a couple teenagers. That's spot on.

  4. Fun post, Roland! Mad cow, yeah, that's why I don't eat meat. I won't get the crazy chicken, the pokey pig or the gibbering goat either. :))

    Did you see the interesting story about the face-eating, zombie, I mean, man from Florida last week?

  5. LD:
    Yes, I taught teenagers so I thought I would be tongue in cheek. Around zombies you have to keep your tongue close to your cheek lest you lose it! I'm so happy you found laughter in my post.

    I don't eat very much meat either ... unless you call that frozen cardboard in TV dinners meat! Sad about that man who lost his face to that drug-addled addict. That news item sparked a whole new wave of interest in the zombie apocalypse ... hence my tongue in cheek science report. Apologies to Dr. Lydia Kang!

  6. Fantastic post! Made me laugh and made me a little frightened.

  7. Christine:
    What modern scientists are doing in research (especially military-funded research) makes me both laugh and cringe like you!

    Especially what is being done with nano-technology -- which can also spawn zombies if it gets out of hand! Frightening indeed!

    Thanks for visiting and chatting. I enjoyed it. Roland

  8. Facing zombies at 7 years old, now that's my kind of kid. ;)

  9. Heather:
    Victor was always feisty. But then, he had to be or be the meal of the day! Thanks for visiting and staying to chat. Good luck on your blog book tour. Roland

  10. I love how present day diseases can, with a few small steps of the imagination, evolve into horror movie stuff. Too bad there's already so much horror movie stuff on the news!
    Great post, Roland, and thanks for the nod!

  11. Fascinating and frightening. Finally, a viable explanation of zombies :)


  12. The thought of zombies, in any shape or form, have always freaked me out. Now, even more! (: But I did laugh at the Zombieland clip and I'll remember not to "use the little pink one" during the zombie apocalypse. (;

  13. Lydia:
    I usually don't listen to the news since horror seems to be theme for every broadcast these days!

    It's the research being done by the military that unsettles me: the thought of the same people who screw up our mail toying with flesh-eating microbes is not a soothing thought!

    Always happy to point people to your blog since it is such an enjoyable place to visit!

    And I didn't even mention nano-technolgy! Brrrr.

    Manly men can't use those little pink bowling balls but they would be just right for you and the other ladies "bowling for zombies"!

    And zombies frighten us on some instinctual level, don't they? Brrrr.

    Thanks for visiting and commenting, Lydia, Donna, and Elise. It means a lot, Roland