So you can read my books

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

THERE WAS A TIME I LOST HOPE_Insecure Writer's Support

Hope is an ethereal yet essential thing.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

Beautiful words.  But sometimes the world becomes ashes in your hands, and what do you have left?

When hope dies, life has a weird way of giving you its form of C.P.R. or hitting you with those electric paddles. 
You see, in a strange way there is neither happiness nor misery in the world.

There is only the comparison of one state with another.

He who has been plunged into the deepest grief later comes to see what beauty he foolishly took for granted before.    
That which he was blind to prior becomes to him a healing scene of rare wonder.

Perhaps wisdom can be distilled into two words:
Wait and Hope.

I had a silly dream, born of the wonder my friends in The League of Five had in the thrill of continued adventures in linked books:

To be able to weave a linked world of different heroes fighting in a cosmic war that few even realized was ongoing from one novel to another and have them read and loved was my dream.

Know how many copies of HIBBS, THE CUB WITH NO CLUE I have sold?   Two.  And I bought one of those for my own Kindle!  Ouch!

Some months back it hit me that I was never going to sell many of my books, much less be popular.

The Father murmured, “There are worse fates.” 
And I contracted cancer like my mother before me.
  Stunned and fearful, I said, “Yeah, you right.”

{By the way, for all you males out there – those are the 3 magic words for your angry wives or lovers:
They will at least not make matters worse!}

After a very unsettling time, the Father granted me a reprieve. 
A reprieve is all any of us get. 
Our promissory note on life always come due, and the Postman in Black turns up at our doorstep … and he has the key to every one of our doors.

Sandra, my best friend, is dying of cancer. 
When she emails me (which now is seldom for she is focusing on her family and her own fears),
she demands to know how I am doing in work, how my health is, and how my prose dream is doing.

It seems trite in the extreme to whine about the Lab Tech who has been actively trying for years to get me fired. 
(It is a puzzlement to all who know of it and me.  But sometimes you work with mentally unstable people … sadly this one has clout.)

Sandra insists she wants to know of my books. 
She says in this age of reality programming and Twitter, no one wants to think while they read. 
If I enjoy the act of writing, then write.  If 5 people find pleasure in my prose, then my dream has not been in vain

Life is short and fragile as both Sandra and I know. 
We must be mindful of the beauty and love that pushes through the cracks of the concrete of a world seemingly intent on crushing us.

If you want to give me some good news to write Sandra, buy a copy of




If not, that’s all right, too. 
I have learned the importance of each breath treasured for its own sake. 

A  good friend gone far away just reminded me on Facebook of my own words on my Author Page:

“The great thing about being a writer is that you CAN BE a princess, an astronaut, or a dinosaur.

Samuel Clemens was never taken seriously as a writer ... until he was famous.  He wrote ‘You are a crank ... until you succeed.’

People will take you as seriously as you take yourself.

We must be whole within ourselves -- no matter what inane nonsense folks think of us. 

That is why writers are lonely, for a dream is a private thing since no one's dream is dear to someone looking from the outside.

Every pioneer goes it alone, but writers are lucky: they get to take their characters along with them inside their heads!”

It is good to have good friends like Robert to remind us of who we are.

Have a lovely week, my friends.


  1. Oh Roland.
    Your stats are shonky. Counting you I know of at least three people who have added Hibbs to their library.
    Hope is a precious and sometimes fleeting thing. But she, like beauty, love and laughter are always there. Waiting for us to acknowledge them.

  2. Elephant's Child:
    Ah, it would not be the first time that Amazon lied to its Kindle Authors. Is so little money worth lying for?

    Silly question, right?

    Thanks for giving me a new word: Shonky! People at work will hate you for it! :-)

    Thanks for being my friend, Roland

  3. I like that new word of EC's too!

    I'll be updating my sidebar later today, and will add a badge of your new Hibbs book cover and TSBAM with a link back to you ok? I've got to add Alex's bloghop badge there too. I'm open for a guest post from you on both of these.(between Sept 8-12 is best)

    Liked this post, and it's true that Hope is one thing I refuse to give up, in many areas of my life.

  4. D.G.:
    Move over Sfumato, here comes Shonky!

    Thanks for updating your sidebar. Sam tips his Stetson to you.

    Hope is the fuel that keeps us going across all of life's deserts.

    Being aware of all that life has given us and is giving us also adds refreshment to our walk.

    I will have to muse on what to write for your gracious offer for a guest post. Thank you.

    And may both your daughter and husband improve daily!

  5. Is there any chance Hibbs will be released as a softcover book? I like to give books to the children in my family. I give them to some of the adults, too.


  6. Janie:
    My friend who was going to help me with making Hibbs into a CreateSpace book has taken ill herself.

    Poor Hibbs is temporarily in Kindle limbo. But thanks for thinking of it! Roland

  7. Hope comes in many forms--just like your wonderful words. Keep them pouring from you to us.

  8. Thanks, Susan:
    Hope and laughter. And, of course, the Father. The three lights in my sky.

    And thanks for the kind words! :-)

  9. I just bought Hibbs and I'm looking forward to reading it! And tomorrow when I can check my cloud reader I'll see if I've already bought The Stars Bleed. If not, then I'll love buying it!

    Hope and happiness to you, Roland dear. And my prayers are with your friend Sandra.

  10. Wait and Hope truly go together.

    I am sorry to hear about your friend Sandra. I know how dear she is to you. I do hope all is well at your work Roland. Its tough to work in a hostile environment.

    I decided long ago that my writing is just a hobby I fill my time with. Still, it would be nice to write a best seller :) Yep, gotta keep dreaming the big dreams.

  11. Hi, Roland....

    The mists of time has brought me here tonight.... Life is so mysterious, lethal and kind at times.

    So sorry to hear of Sandra's health declining. I feel as though I know her.

    I hate cancer.... need I say more. It takes our loved ones away from us. It makes beautiful people suffer needlessly. Thankfully man fight and win, but not nearly enough.

    That is why I want the anthology to do well. Thank you so much for signing up. Melissa needs our help. Thankfully she is managing. Her last chemo treatment left her weak but not sick. In three weeks we find out if the tumors have shrunk enough for surgery.

    In the meantime I visit Mother Cabrini's Shrine and pray. I will add you and Sandra to my list tomorrow when I visit. Sandra needs to her pain released. I feel as though I know her through you. Four years now, we've been friends. My blogaversary is at the end of this month.

    SO many incredible things, wonderful, sad, devastating, and unpredictable has happened... All we can do is live and HOPE... never give up HOPE. That's the only thing that keeps us going.

    A wise friend of mine always says this... "God may not give us what we want, but he gives us what we need." It's so true...

    Sending big hugs to you my friend and please tell Sandra I am praying for her. Mother Cabrini's Shine is very special. Miracles can happen and have happened there...

  12. Helena:
    HIBBS is my HOBBIT compared to THE BEAR WITH 2 SHADOWS being my LORD OF THE RINGS. :-)

    Thank you so much for buying Hibbs. He would now even share his blueberries with you.

    Sandra I know appreciates your prayers as do I!

    Yes, dream big!

    It is unique working with someone who hangs up on you even when your job duties force you to call them with a hospital's request.

    Sandra is a fighter but this is talking a toll on her. All I can do is be there for her in the fashion she needs not the fashion that I need.

    May both our "hobbies" blossom into something much bigger, right?

    Melissa is going through so much, but she has you and others to remind her that friends are a treasure beyond price.

    Still it is so hard for her to carry a "time bomb" inside her own body and not know if the doctors will be able to defuse it in time.

    We have known each other, Michael, for almost the length of our entire blog experience. And our friendship means a lot to me.

    Thank you for praying for her at Mother Cabrini's Shrine. Your thoughtfulness and caring means a lot to her in this dark time.

    It is thought that plants "feel" in ways science does not quite understand. If that is so, then I am sure our pruning of rose bushes is not a pleasant experience for them -- but their roses bloom healthier for it.

    In like manner, our pruning by the Father, while not fun during the process, produces a harvest we could not see otherwise. We are the better for it.

    This life is not the end. It is merely boot camp where we are prepared for service beyond what we call death.

    Thank you for your friendship to me and to Melissa who I pray recovers fully. :-)

  13. You are correct, Hope is an ethereal yet essential thing.
    Hope has lost its meaning over time. Most would see it as a word that sometimes substitutes for the word wish. The original definition is was expectation, trust, and confidence. I know you are well versed, so you put your Hope in the eternal.

  14. Roland in answer to your question on my blog, no I didn't do my own illustrations for my PB. Caroline Lee from France did them. I connected with her over the FB uTales group. It's a collaboration group. Lucky for me, she was a wiz at Createspace! If children's books are in your future, it might be worth it for you to join the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). I've learned a ton since joining 4 years ago.

    We must never lose hope, for if we do, what is left?

    Sorry to hear about Sandra and the battle she is fighting.

    I love the Enya video. I have four of her CDs on my iphone. Just love her. Hope... her music is filled with hope.

  15. I don't envy your situation, but your attitude about everything is another story. Great post.

  16. Roland, you've learned to make the most of every day you're given. I learned that lesson recently, too. And writing isn't a numbers game, it's about connections to readers. I'd like to read Hibbs with my daughter, I'm sure she'd like it. Sending best wishes to Sandra.

  17. Dear Roland,For some reason I think you like to write so much that you don't want to deal with all the rest that seems to be required in order to become a published and eventually famous author.

    I may be wrong, but the way your books come out, one after another, with so much knowledge about history, religion, various cultures, and so on, plus working a job, how could you?

    Americans are a very hopeful people, I think. As for me, grouchy old Swede that I am, I never understood it much. I am into reality. If something is wrong, I try to fix it, if I can't I accept it as best I can, I don't hope that it will somehow change. Granted I have been surprised on several occasions. And I married a dreamer. Go figure.

    Finally, both books you mentioned now have a home on my Kindle. Looking forward to reading them both.

  18. I know that I am about to add your book to my library and I'm sorry for not purchasing it sooner. I feel like fate directed me to your page. I've been away from blogging for so long and am now easing back in. I thought an IWSG post would be a perfect new beginning. I haven't written it yet, but my topic is the same as yours. I feel better having read your post.

    You are so right about how insignificant some of our whining and complaining is when compared to other issues that people are struggling with.

    Hang in there. I wish the best for your friend. I will keep her in my prayers.

  19. David:
    Ours is a microwave society these days where ideals become cardboard. Thanks for understanding. :-)

    Good to find another Enya lover. I was encouraged by a friend to write a children's book from something she read of young Hibbs and decided to experiment.

    Thanks for the info!

    Thanks for visiting. Many, many others have it much worse than me which I use to keep my head level. :-)

    It may seem that I do not want to market myself, but I have done blogtours (which have burned folks out), cover reveals (which have also burned folks out), contests where I have given thousands of dollars away in prize, I have done guest posts, done audio books --- nothing seems to work.

    But I try to keep looking for the next new avenue to gain attention -- but I refuse to date Miley Cyrus!!

    I am part Lakota and our way of dealing is to abide and focus on the eternal around us.

    Thank you for getting those two books. I hope Hibbs gives you laughs. And I basically wrote STARS for you and D.G. I have a small fan base, but they are quality folks!!

    How great to see you in my cyber-home again and here I forgot to vacuum!

    Sandra will deeply appreciate your prayers. I'm glad you found something useful in my post.

    Yes, with the flames in Ferguson, the beheadings, the hollow eyes of America's disenfranchised, my little bruises are very, very insignificant.

    I will visit your post and say HI.

    Thanks for buying my book!

  20. I feel honored, no one has written a book with me in mind before. It continues the Egypt adventure from Death in the House of Life, right? I'm looking forward to reading it.

  21. Inger:
    Yes, for you and D.G. You liked DEATH IN THE HOUSE OF LIFE so much that I felt I wanted to say thank you in a tangible way. HOUSE OF LIFE is soon to be an audio book by the renowned stage actor and director, Robert Rossman!

  22. It is an honor, Roland, to have encouraged you to finish the story begun in 'Death in the House of Life'. You can't leave the camel in the middle of the desert, or the gang in Tesla's hovercraft.

    Merci! I never tire of reading about McCord and his Meilori.

    BTW - I've read the material for the post. Looks great.