So you can read my books

Monday, September 29, 2014


With a Master's in Psychology, I know the textbook answer ... or rather stabs at the answers.

I work with a lab staff that is ... unique.  

After all, they have a college degree when all else in the blood center do not.  

It is only "natural" for them to feel superior to everyone else there.

Except for me ... I have two degrees.  That irritates half of them ... puts the lie to the reason for their supposed superiority. 

 So they work hard at calling me stupid in a variety of ways.

When I have to enter their domain for job duties, I turn around and there is a poster on the inside of their door:


To the right is another poster on the wall:


Further to the right is their refrigerator door upon which is a cardboard starburst with


There is a long series of dotted paper lines leading to the bottom of the glass door and an arrow which reads:

PLACE RARE BLOOD HERE ( the "STUPID" is implied since the shelf spotlighted is already marked RARE BLOOD.)

I work alone basically on the weekend, 

and the list of mean-spirited, cruel, and short-tempered remarks from the Lab tech on weekend duty is full of the same and worse.


You could say because they are people ... but that explains nothing, for many are selfless, kind, and giving.

Whether it is as a means of promoting our groups, or ourselves, 

we tend to be more aggressive when our self-worth has been challenged 

and we are not feeling particularly positive about ourselves.

When our self-esteem is threatened, 

we are more likely to compare ourselves to people we think are worse off than us, 

to see other people as having more negative traits, 

to degrade people who aren't members of our groups, and to become more directly aggressive towards people in general.

When you insult or criticize someone else, it may say more about how you are feeling about yourself than the other person.

Insecurity over ourselves drives much of the cruelty in the world.


You hear DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY but when you are repeatedly shamed and put down, you would have to be a statue not to bleed.


 What to do when one of these out of the cage "beasts" becomes part of your world?

Remember, they are often charming, beautiful, handsome, and seemingly accomplished. 

However, inside they lack true confidence -- so different from their natural bravado.

Predictably their inner misery is and will continue to be projected as weapons against you.

 Once this is understood, there is only one thing to do.

 Banish them from your world, and if this is not possible, buffer yourself as best you can from their reach.

 Do not tell them they are hurtful, and do not try to reason with them or teach them another way.

Waking up and changing is up to them, and sadly most will not.

When you withdraw and buffer yourselves, simply no longer caring about them, any power they hold over you is gone.

THE WORLD MUST BE ABOUT TO END for I am about to quote a Taylor Swift song!

 You, with your switching sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again,
As if I don’t already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I’ll never impress you….
                          —Taylor Swift, “Mean”

Croon along with Taylor and me:  "Why you gotta be so meaaan?" 

Remember that you can control your response when someone does or says something mean.

 We may not be able to control much about our life circumstances, 

but with practice we can control how we respond to those circumstances.

Practice Self-Compassion.  

It stings to be unfairly hurt.  Let yourself say OUCH! ... then go on with your life.

They are a part of your life for only a section of your day.

The bully is bruised inside, 

not in control in some major part of their life, 

and learner of all the WRONG LESSONS from their own pain.




And for a little humor to leaven this post:


  1. I am so very sorry that this horrible behavior is directed at you. Yes, they are insecure. When I'm around people who say nasty things that I know are directed at me, I become deaf and blind and whatever else I need to be.

    May God bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and grant you peace.


  2. I am so sorry too, but you are right in ignoring them. They do get scary with guns so available though. Or in the name of religion in the Middle East and other places.

    I got a big dose of it here at home, when hubby's illness released overdoses of ammonia to his brain, causing all kinds of mean spirited behavior in someone who is basically very nice. Once I knew why, it became a lesson in keeping my mouth shut and repeating to myself it was his illness not him.

    Many of those who harass you at work have probably been abused as children. It seems like very childish behavior, actually.

  3. Janie:
    I have survived cancer so that puts it all into perspective for me. Sadly, one of the techs has survived cancer as has her husband. She was granted so much and returns evil for the good done her. Sigh. Thanks for the prayers. :-)

    Mother also grew cruel at times due to the cancer. You are right: remind yourself it is the illness talking and not them.

    Yes, though they consider themselves sophisticated, their actions prove otherwise.

    May your husband soon be well. You both are in my prayers.

  4. Think you nailed all the reasons and all the answers. Those kinds of people are so insecure that putting others down is the only way they feel secure. But ultimately, they don't, they feel just as bad if not worse. It's a vicious cycle.
    Avoid them and pray for them.

  5. Sadly too many people (and Governments) believe that attack is the very best (indeed the only) form of defence.
    And teach their philosophy well. Too well.
    I can and do avoid the individuals. The Governments are a trickier proposition.

  6. I prefer to take another route too, by using avenues of reporting which are available to me. I've been dealing with 'mean' nurses who resent family telling them to do something for the patient. Never give in, never surrender, just surprise them. . .

    There will always be those who are resentful of others for whatever reason. We deal with it in the way most comfortable to us, and that's what you're doing Roland. Those types of posters are degrading and show the small minds of those who like them.

  7. Alex:
    Avoiding them is out of the question since my job necessitates I interact with them. I will strive to keep my words to a minimum and endure when the lab tech slams down the receiver on me in the middle of a sentence because I bring her unwelcome news. Sigh.

    Elephant's Child:
    My job forces me to interact with them. I will just have to be creative in keeping the interactions short! Governments are the ultimate bullies!

    Reporting them to HR is pointless since my blood center makes a huge amount of money from their work, and drivers they can get off the street.

    I can only pray that they ultimately fall in the pits they dig for me and others. Learning to be better I think is out. Children are wet cement, but once adults the concrete has hardened beyond healing usually.

    I pray your husband grows better daily. :-)

  8. Roland, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I remember reading an article about "how to deal with impossible people" and the idea was to get detached, to not respond, to not get angry, etc. - but you know all that already. Also, it's easier said than done...
    I wish you good luck and inner strength, and just try to think of what you like and not of those people.

  9. No matter what degrees these bullies have got - or what pedigree they think they may have, nobody should be made to feel inferior. We are all equal when standing naked in the bathroom. Crikey, horrible thought!

    Much like Janie Junebug, I too become blind and deaf to bullies. They are shallow and not worthy of our precious time. Easily said than done, I know.

    Anyway, I bet they haven't written dozens of brilliant books!!! :)

  10. People who know your superiority feel threatened, which turns them into a bully. In Ender's Game, Ender beat the first bully, so the other bullies would leave him alone. Didn't work with Salamander, but it made Ender's focus clear.
    Kinda creepy.

  11. Vesper:
    I try to think of what Victor Standish would do in my place -- not that I would do it -- but it makes me smile -- and that makes them angrier. :-)

    Sandra says they might actually be jealous of my many books! It is a comforting thought. :-) Thanks for being on my side!

    Creepy is the word for it all right. When Sandra still had her store, the head of the lab visited her (He is a big man in the local Miss America contests)

    When my home burned, I saved one large tiger puppet in a safari suit and sunglasses I used to visit old customers with when they went to the hospital. I was a lousy voice thrower and told worse jokes but it made them laugh for a time.

    I kept it in the backseat of my car, and the head of the Lab said in front of her customers that it was a child molestation toy.

    Sigh. Yes, creepy indeed.

  12. That is such a sad work environment Roland. I don't get it. Life is too short to act mean! A shame you have to go through that on a daily basis. But I guess the workplace is a microcosm of society--and look how mean society is at the moment.

    Denise :-)

  13. Denise:
    I used to think I worked on the Isle of Misfit Toys. Now, I think I have wandered into LORD OF THE FLIES! :-(

  14. Hi, Roland,

    Most people are mean because the ARE insecure and in many case JEALOUS. I believe that is what you are experiencing at work. Their jealously. You are a truly special and wonderful person. They KNOW THIS... so to bring you down to their level, the believe meanness is necessary. Cruel, yes. But, completely understandable.

    I have fought bullies my whole life. Jealousy was always the reason. And even today. Once close friends have shown their true colors and the green monster has surfaced. I am who I am. Nothing more.

    I treat everyone as kindly as I can. Many take it for weakness or out of context. But I refuse to change. But as you said we have the power to react by not reacting, cutting them off at the legs.

    Hang in there pal. WE love your kindness, intellect, and amazing creativity. Here, you are appreciated! We are a family...

  15. Roland my dear, you are a good, very intelligent, very gifted man who obviously threatens the hell out of those inferior coworkers. Personally, I don't care WHY they're nasty, evil, scum-sucking bullies because I've learned over the years that in most cases figuring out bullies' motivations never helped me. Instead, when I was in a position to confront them (professionally speaking), they always crumpled like paper. I even found that they could easily get very scared, which was a revelation to me.

    But sadly, it sounds as if you are in a different professional situation, one in which you are not receiving support from company executives, even though your coworkers are creating what is legally known as a hostile work environment. So darling, just hang in there and be your sweet self.

    I wish I had an Uncle Guido I could send to your workplace to straighten out those jerks. Maybe some day they'll get right back at them what they've been doling out.

  16. Knowing some of the reasons they may behave this way and actually dealing with their behaviour are two very different things. I've always admired your writing and your thoughts on various subjects always touch me in some way.

    I personally think there is too much negativity in television, social media and various other outlets.

    Good luck, Roland, keep your chin up!

  17. It's called a hostile work environment, and your HR department is despicable if they let fools get away with that.

  18. Michael:
    It's healing to know that you have my back. People are such walking tragedies. They behave in ways that diminish themselves, thinking they are superior. Sigh.

    How is your query process going? If you decide on self-publication, let me know. I will try to help. :-)

    The supervisors in the main office kill the messenger usually. Or they label the situation as a mis-communication, thus dealing with the problem by labeling it a non-problem.

    There is a character, Hawk, in the Spenser novel and old TV show. I would be tempted to hire him to explain the "Mis-Communication" problem to them! :-)

    The Lab is supercilious, vain, petty, and sublimate their inner turmoil by verbally demeaning those in their world outside their department. But after I have survived cancer, I try to think of them as small stuff. :-)

    R. Mac:
    The Lab staff makes large dollars for the blood center. They can do no wrong in the eyes of the Medical Head of the Tri-State Blood Center.

    I have started keeping a journal of these illegal actions. Of course, they pride themselves in going for appeal after appeal, dragging things out for years.

    Thanks for caring, R. Mac. :-)

  19. Hi Roland - gosh .. people can be so cruel - don't they realise, of course they do - til the table is turned on them. To fight through your exceedingly unfortunate work colleagues - being blind, dumb and mute appear to be your only way out.

    Thankfully you know better and you would never treat a human being in this despicable manner ... seemingly you have to ignore them and their pejorative writings completely, make sure you do your work perfectly, take some photographs perhaps (regularly too - for back up) ... and endeavour to not let it stress you - though that could be really difficult.

    I do feel for you ... exceedingly unpleasant ... take care - Hilary

  20. Hilary:
    Yes, the photographs are a good idea. If I had a mini-tape recorder, I would record, too. :-)

    As my recent bout with cancer showed me: there are much worse fates!

    Thanks for having my back, Roland