For Misty Waters' SHOW VERSUS TELL BLOGFEST
http://mistydawnwaters.blogspot.com/2010/12/um-so-yeah-im-doing-blogfest.html#comment-form
SHOW :
When you're seven, you're too old for a swing. But I wasn't sitting in it for fun. No. My legs were too weak to hold me up.
Mother had left me. Me. For days, maybe weeks she said. "Survive as best you can, Victor. I must be alone with my latest conquest."
And then, she was gone with her muscled bad boy. What was I going to do?
"I don't like you," sniveled the little girl in the swing next to me.
"Pick a number. It's a long line."
The black-haired girl pointed her finger past me. "I don't like them neither."
"Must be my kind of people," I grunted, turning to look.
"Or not," I gulped.
Zombies. Fricking kid-zombies. "Oh, why the hell not?"
"Oooh, you just said a no-no."
"On my best day, I'm PG-13. And Sunshine, this ain't my best day."
"My name is Becky not Sunshine!"
I got up, looking all around. Damn, we were surrounded.
"It's gonna be 'Kibbles-N-Brains' if you don't put some muscle to the hustle."
What had Chiron told me? When surrounded by enemies, get a sword, a shield, and the high ground.
Becky pulled out a wooden slingshot. "I'll stop them."
"Lots of luck with that, Nibbles."
I ran to a fallen baseball bat. Two zombies were making sure that the boy who dropped it wouldn't miss it. I darted in between them. I tumbled in a roll, snatching up the bat. One lunged at me.
I beaned him with all my might, and his rotten head burst. I laughed, "I hope your name was Homer. Cuz I always wanted to hit a homer."
To my far left, Becky screamed, "Fall down! WHY WON'T YOU FALL DOWN?"
I ran over to her, grabbed her by her pony-tail and snapped, "Cuz the fun never stops with zombies!"
"Stop!," cried Becky. "You're messing up my pigtail."
I spotted the slide/jungle-gym. High ground.
I snapped, "Those zombies will mess up more than your ...."
A kid-zombie with a half-eaten face lurched through the garbage cans lining the playground, knocking them over. A garbage can lid rolled to my feet. My shield!
I snatched it up and smacked him in the face with it. "Watch out! Low bridge."
I thumped Becky on the butt to get her moving faster to the slide/jungle-gym.
"Hey, that's my butt!," she yelled.
I jerked my head to the shambling but all-too-fast kid zombies. "It'll be theirs if you don't get a move on!"
We made it to the slide as a black kid took a mop handle and used it as a pole vault to get to the top of the metal tree-house at the top of the slide.
"Whoa," I gasped. "Way to go, LeRoy."
He laughed down at me. "Ya gotta learn free runnin' if you gonna make it on these streets, bro. And how did you know my name?"
I got uneasy. "Lucky guess." But it hadn't been. I had just known it.
I smacked Becky up the slide. The ladder was too slow as a couple of screaming kids found out the hard way. We ducked aside a girl with glasses. I shield-blocked the brick she aimed at me.
"Save it for the dead heads," I snapped, scooting by her.
The slide/jungle-gym was a big son of a gun. I skipped down the steps from the tree house to the walkway where six kid-zombies scrambled towards us, moaning, "Brains. Brains. Brains."
I winked at Becky, who was taking aim at them with her ball-bearing loaded slingshot. "They can't mean you. It's gotta be me they're after."
Becky let go with her slingshot, sending a ball bearing into the only eye of a grasping girl zombie. "Ha. Ha. Very not funny."
LeRoy pushed a boy zombie off the top of the treehouse with his mop handle. "Damn! They just too many of 'em!"
It hit me. Mother had left me to die. Die. She didn't want me anymore. She didn't love me. Had she ever loved me? Hot tears filled my eyes.
"Wrong!," I yelled. "There aren't enough of them!"
I leapt onto the walkway, swinging with my bat and shield, knocking the grabbing kid-zombies every whichway.
Zombies scuttled like cockroaches out of Hell along the top of the rungs of the jungle-gym. They dropped down on the walkway. I swung at them.
Brains, bits of skull, and rotted flesh flew as I jumped about, smacking away with all the anger I felt at Mother for just dumping me ... for not loving me any more.
"Die. Die! DIE!"
Glasses sobbed, "I-I'm outta bricks. They're going to eat us."
They kept coming. I kept blocking and smashing. Becky went for more ball bearings but came up empty. A giggling girl-zombie knocked LeRoy down. He screamed.
I raised my shield and bat to the uncaring skies and roared, "WOULD YOU JUST DIE!"
Whoa.
I could've sworn a pale green circle pulsed out from around me. The kid-zombies keeled over as if their electric plugs had been pulled from the wall socket. They just lay there, all limp and finally as dead as they looked.
Becky gasped, "H-How did you do that?"
"I just yelled like Mother."
LeRoy muttered, "Bro, she must be one bad mutha."
I looked down at the swing where she had dumped me. "You have no idea."
{And neither does Victor. What really happened? Tune in tomorrow for the TELL version.}
***
http://mistydawnwaters.blogspot.com/2010/12/um-so-yeah-im-doing-blogfest.html#comment-form
SHOW :
When you're seven, you're too old for a swing. But I wasn't sitting in it for fun. No. My legs were too weak to hold me up.
Mother had left me. Me. For days, maybe weeks she said. "Survive as best you can, Victor. I must be alone with my latest conquest."
And then, she was gone with her muscled bad boy. What was I going to do?
"I don't like you," sniveled the little girl in the swing next to me.
"Pick a number. It's a long line."
The black-haired girl pointed her finger past me. "I don't like them neither."
"Must be my kind of people," I grunted, turning to look.
"Or not," I gulped.
Zombies. Fricking kid-zombies. "Oh, why the hell not?"
"Oooh, you just said a no-no."
"On my best day, I'm PG-13. And Sunshine, this ain't my best day."
"My name is Becky not Sunshine!"
I got up, looking all around. Damn, we were surrounded.
"It's gonna be 'Kibbles-N-Brains' if you don't put some muscle to the hustle."
What had Chiron told me? When surrounded by enemies, get a sword, a shield, and the high ground.
Becky pulled out a wooden slingshot. "I'll stop them."
"Lots of luck with that, Nibbles."
I ran to a fallen baseball bat. Two zombies were making sure that the boy who dropped it wouldn't miss it. I darted in between them. I tumbled in a roll, snatching up the bat. One lunged at me.
I beaned him with all my might, and his rotten head burst. I laughed, "I hope your name was Homer. Cuz I always wanted to hit a homer."
To my far left, Becky screamed, "Fall down! WHY WON'T YOU FALL DOWN?"
I ran over to her, grabbed her by her pony-tail and snapped, "Cuz the fun never stops with zombies!"
"Stop!," cried Becky. "You're messing up my pigtail."
I spotted the slide/jungle-gym. High ground.
I snapped, "Those zombies will mess up more than your ...."
A kid-zombie with a half-eaten face lurched through the garbage cans lining the playground, knocking them over. A garbage can lid rolled to my feet. My shield!
I snatched it up and smacked him in the face with it. "Watch out! Low bridge."
I thumped Becky on the butt to get her moving faster to the slide/jungle-gym.
"Hey, that's my butt!," she yelled.
I jerked my head to the shambling but all-too-fast kid zombies. "It'll be theirs if you don't get a move on!"
We made it to the slide as a black kid took a mop handle and used it as a pole vault to get to the top of the metal tree-house at the top of the slide.
"Whoa," I gasped. "Way to go, LeRoy."
He laughed down at me. "Ya gotta learn free runnin' if you gonna make it on these streets, bro. And how did you know my name?"
I got uneasy. "Lucky guess." But it hadn't been. I had just known it.
I smacked Becky up the slide. The ladder was too slow as a couple of screaming kids found out the hard way. We ducked aside a girl with glasses. I shield-blocked the brick she aimed at me.
"Save it for the dead heads," I snapped, scooting by her.
The slide/jungle-gym was a big son of a gun. I skipped down the steps from the tree house to the walkway where six kid-zombies scrambled towards us, moaning, "Brains. Brains. Brains."
I winked at Becky, who was taking aim at them with her ball-bearing loaded slingshot. "They can't mean you. It's gotta be me they're after."
Becky let go with her slingshot, sending a ball bearing into the only eye of a grasping girl zombie. "Ha. Ha. Very not funny."
LeRoy pushed a boy zombie off the top of the treehouse with his mop handle. "Damn! They just too many of 'em!"
It hit me. Mother had left me to die. Die. She didn't want me anymore. She didn't love me. Had she ever loved me? Hot tears filled my eyes.
"Wrong!," I yelled. "There aren't enough of them!"
I leapt onto the walkway, swinging with my bat and shield, knocking the grabbing kid-zombies every whichway.
Zombies scuttled like cockroaches out of Hell along the top of the rungs of the jungle-gym. They dropped down on the walkway. I swung at them.
Brains, bits of skull, and rotted flesh flew as I jumped about, smacking away with all the anger I felt at Mother for just dumping me ... for not loving me any more.
"Die. Die! DIE!"
Glasses sobbed, "I-I'm outta bricks. They're going to eat us."
They kept coming. I kept blocking and smashing. Becky went for more ball bearings but came up empty. A giggling girl-zombie knocked LeRoy down. He screamed.
I raised my shield and bat to the uncaring skies and roared, "WOULD YOU JUST DIE!"
Whoa.
I could've sworn a pale green circle pulsed out from around me. The kid-zombies keeled over as if their electric plugs had been pulled from the wall socket. They just lay there, all limp and finally as dead as they looked.
Becky gasped, "H-How did you do that?"
"I just yelled like Mother."
LeRoy muttered, "Bro, she must be one bad mutha."
I looked down at the swing where she had dumped me. "You have no idea."
{And neither does Victor. What really happened? Tune in tomorrow for the TELL version.}
***
They handed me the late, late shift again, so I really didn't want to be late posting this entry -- so I posted it early. Hope you enjoy the earliest adventure of Victor Standish that I've written. Roland
ReplyDeleteThe zombie with the half eaten face? *shudders* You know what also gave me chills...the too fast shamble of the kids. Creeped me! Great job!
ReplyDeleteEdge of Your Seat Romance
Thanks, Raquel. I figured that kid zombies would move faster -- and in the movies, the zombies that came rushing at their victims were the ones that scared me the most. Thanks again for liking Victor's little tale.
ReplyDeleteZombies creep me out, and I could just picture what was happening . . . great blogfest entry.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely be back to read the tell part of this story.
Golden Eagle : I'm happy my tale gave you the shivers ... in a good way. I promise you the TELL part is good, too.
ReplyDeleteDUDE. That kicked ASS, Roland!
ReplyDeleteMisty Waters : I worked to make it worthy of your blog. I'm very happy I hit the target. Have a great blogfest, Roland
ReplyDeleteLike I needed one more reason to love Victor and your writing. The dialogue in this rocked. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteCant wait for the telling.
J
Ouch! Zombies get me every time - and kid zombies?...I was utterly gripped by this. I loved the speed and the dialogue.
ReplyDeletelovin it all, thx bro!
ReplyDeleteKid zombies! Ew, and cool.
ReplyDelete;)
Brilliant! Young victor has quite an attitude! Loving his voice in this one! Wish I had the time to join in this blogfest!
ReplyDeleteone thing comes to mind... have you thought about writing a "how to write a novel, a step by step process"... just an idea, 'cause you have a true talent.
ReplyDeleteI can only agree with Misty... dude, you kick zombie ass! Or rather Victor does.
ReplyDeleteVery cool, can't wair for tomorrow's version.
Jodi : And Victor likes you. His dialogue just seems to pop into my head as I write as if I'm channeling him. Glad you liked this tale.
ReplyDeleteMargo : The idea of kid zombies just gave me the chills,so I thought I'd go with it. I tried to make it riveting just snappy. I'm happy you thought it was both.
Laughing wolf : Good to see you again. I'm pleased you liked Victor's first tale (so far). Don't be a stranger.
Lydia : Yes, undead kids just seem to strike a nerve in all of us! Yuck! Thanks for liking this one.
J.C. : I wish you had the time to join in this blogfest as well. Victor likes you, too. Oops. Alioe just took a swing at him for me saying that!
Imagery Imagined : Others have suggested that. But I think no publisher would be interested in me doing that since I don't even have an agent, much less a published novel under my belt. Thanks for thinking I have the talent to write such a "how-to" book.
Tessa : Victor definitely has spirit and spunk to spare. I'm really happy that you enjoyed this free-for-all with kid zombies.
My short break at work is now over. I gotta get back to the blood wars. Roland
Thanks everyone for commenting. Your words mean more than I can express!
Awesome. Victor is so much fun. This has vivid characterization and riveting action. The dialogue is packed with witty banter that makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteI guess I missed this blogfest. I'm sure I saw it advertised. I don't seem to be as in tune with the blogverse as I used to be. I'll blame the new trainee at work rather than the fact my own writing is going nowhere . .
.......dhole
Donna : Victor is fun, isn't he? Zombies, revenants, ghouls -- he'll take on all comers, with a laugh on his lips and a bat in his hands.
ReplyDeleteWitty banter comes naturally when I write Victor. Work can leech the creative energies right out of you -- believe I know. I'm still at work now. Whew!
And all of us hit a roadblock in our writing every now and then. Check to see if your conflict begins early enough in your trouble chapter -- and if the Want is strong and the obstacle to it is even stronger - for that is what comprises conflict : Want thwarted by Obstacle. Just a thought that might help, Roland
Ooh I love the 'Zombies scuttled like cockroaches out of Hell'
ReplyDeleteIt's a very flowing piece. I loved the feeling of satisfaction he gets in venting his anger, too.
I've posted my tell first and will do my show is tomorrow. :o)
You had me at "I always wanted to hit a homer"!!
ReplyDeleteWonderfully entertaining piece. Go Victor!!
I read the tell version first. This was fun! Love Victor and his crazy antics. He better watch out, though. That little girl is gonna clock him in a minute. :)
ReplyDelete~ that rebel, Olivia
Madeleine : I can't wait to read your SHOWING tomorrow. Great jop in TELLING. I'm glad you liked my scuttling kid-zombies!
ReplyDeleteTracy : Victor is a hoot. Glad you liked my "homer" zinger.
Olivia : I wanted to have fun, even though it was a sad, bad time for Victor, And yes, Becky is just one more smart remark from decking Victor! LOL.
Haha, I love Becky.
ReplyDelete"Fall down. Why won't you just FALL DOWN."
Hehe. Fast paced, fun and zombies! Yay!
Mia : Yes, Becky is indeed a hoot. I enjoyed writing her so much that I've decided to bring in as a character in Victor's sequel, VICTOR'S NOT JUST MY NAME. She, LeRoy, and Glasses come to New Orleans right before Katrina. And none of them are pleased with Victor's choice of "ghoul friend!"
ReplyDeleteGO- VICTOR-GO!
ReplyDeleteSmash those zombies! Very exciting and action-packed.
I'm glad I read this with fresh eyes. FANTASTIC!
Michael
Michael : Victor sure doesn't lead a boring life! I'm glad you liked it. Now, if I can just interest an agent in Victor. Ah, dreams. Have a productive Sunday, Roland
ReplyDelete