Hibbs, the cub with no clue, here:
So what with Ebola, that terrible Gaza stuff going on, and Toledo, Ohio's water contaminated with this Mycrocystin yuck that poisoned it ...
I decided you guys needed something different.
So I interviewed Kanye West at Meliori's --
Hello, Mr. Kanye.
What is this? Are you disrespecting me? Is this some kind of put-down? A talking bear?
A cub actually. And Captain Sam promised not to shoot you if you gave me this interview.
Oh ... I got compassion for little things like you. I'll do the 'view.
Kanyne (Looking around):
This place is weird. I could saw that bar in half and make things look righteous.
I get sick at the sight of blood, and gunshots hurt my ears. Please don't do that.
Ah, what with things like this Ebola virus, I thought people might want to know what you think about it.
Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur.
Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.
So I would tell folks not to lose their dinosaur.
Hibbs (wrinkling his muzzle):
English isn't your first language, is it, sir?
You don't understand me, do you?
I don't have fangs. I'm a porcupine. I'm not a shark, I'm a blowfish. So that perfect example about me not being understood, it's like a blowfish.
People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.
Hibbs (Scratching his head):
You say stuff like that just to give me a headache, right?
You're a paparazzi, aren't you?
I can't even say it much less be it.
Celebrities are being treated like blacks were in the '60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name.
I have too much trouble getting into trouble without saying lies about people ... if that is what a papa-pizza is.
What you need is Kim K skills. In order to win at life, you need some Kim K skills, period.
Hibbs (his head cocking):
And just exactly what is her skill set, sir?
(Kanye just looks at him) Hibbs, clearing his throat:
Ah, are you happy?
What makes me happy is land, and we're on a boat now. This is Christopher Columbus. This is uncharted waters we're on.
Hibbs (digging into his ears, hoping to understand better what he is hearing):
You mean this Ebola scare, right?
I'm totally weird, and I'm totally honest, and I'm totally inappropriate sometimes.
And the thing is, for me to say I wasn't a genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself.
Does everyone picture duct tape over your mouth so early in the conversation?
Were you involved with anything last year that was as culturally significant as the Yeezus tour or that album? You just a hairy furball.
I've been called worse by better. But thank you for making Ebola not seem so bad anymore.
Do you think there might be a market
for a small children's book
on new adventures of
Hibbs, the cub with no clue?