So you can read my books

Friday, July 15, 2011


Ghost of Samuel Clemens here.

Made you look, didn't I?

That Megan Fox gal can look more naked with clothes on than any filly I've seen.

Yes, I am a ghost, but I am a ghost of a man!

Seductive. That's the word for the day. Any day for a writer.

While babysitting Roland's blog in his absence, I've wandered over to his friends' blogs ---

who in tarnation named them that? Sounds like I'm going to sink in tar like one of those dinosaurs when I visit one.

Anyway, being the beloved literary genius that I am, I noticed a lot of you have been writing on how to get folks to like you,

to hang after you,

and to put their faces on your "wanted poster" as it were.


Be easy.

Be seductive, don't you know.

You don't? Well, you come to the right place. I can teach you all you need to know.

1.) What you learn by picking up a cat by the tail, you can learn in no other way.

In other words, learn by doing. Experiment. Gals do it all the time. That dress doesn't draw any whistles? Put on another.

Try something in your blog new and different. If no one comments, drop it faster than a politician does morals upon election.

2.) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I mean, make your visitors laugh. Your blog is your home. Folks go where they feel comfortable, accepted, where they leave feeling better than when they came.

3.) Your blog is your Mini_Me novel. (And yes, even ghosts watch movies.)

And like in your novel, You need not expect to get your blog right the first time.

Write your post like you'd write a page in your novel.

Go to work and revamp or rewrite it.

God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives.

You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

The time to begin writing your post is when you have finished it to your satisfaction.

By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say.

4.) You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

By which, children, I mean to not have your visitors leave your blog with their mental faces all screwed up in distaste.

A.) No bragging. Not even if it's true.

B.) No slandering others not there. Not even if it's true. Don't make your guests squirm.

C.) Do help.

You know some of those literary potholes you twisted an ankle on? Point those out to those who follow after you. Make the road you walk easier for the next fella after you.

5.) It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

The same for your post. Your blog is the only YOU most folks will ever see. Make sure a first time visitor gets the best YOU that you can offer.

To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.

To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...

Anybody can have ideas --

the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.

And that's all the wisdom I can presently conjure. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind :

it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Don't be a stranger, hear? You don't want to miss my next brilliant gem of a post.


  1. Brilliant post and very wise words. I'm looking forward to the new Sherlock Holmes movie myself. I know he took some liberties with the character, but I like the energy and the fun of the the films. Have a wonderful weekend. :)

  2. Robert Downey makes the perfect Sherlock.

    Loved the analogies in your post Roland. I hope you get to go home soon. Keep cool :)


  3. I love your insight on how to pick up blogger buddies, Roland. I doubt you've ever had a problem with that. You exude that man of mystery aura. :)

    Sherlock Holms was an awesome movie, except he didn't say "elementary my dear Watson" once, unless I just didn't notice. I did by the movie though.

    Megan Fox is pretty...but her lips get on my nerves...sorry. I did miss her in the new Transformers movie though.

  4. Entertaining AND educational? You nailed it kid :)

  5. Melissa :
    I am looking forward to that new movie as well. And you're right : the life and fun to the last movie made it one of my favorites!

    Donna :
    Doesn't Robert make a unique and fun Sherlock? I'm working now, and I have worked most of the hours of the past 3 days -- and we are having a 24 hour in-center blood drive with me doing solo duty - fun, fun, fun!

    Laila :
    I missed her in the new T movie as well -- so much so that I missed the movie entirely. LOL.

    Her lips are troublesome for her. But her odd-shaped right thumb makes my heart go out to her.

    Mystery is my middle name. My mother had an odd sense of humor! LOL.

    Sarah :
    Thanks. I'm happy you liked my post. Now, blood calls and donor beckon. Actually they're demanding!

  6. I have watched Sherlock homes no less than ten times and probably will again after this post tonight. I watched all the old Sherlock homes movies growing up too. I love Sir Doyle and I love whoever works on making Sherlock movies. Ghost this is a post worthy of reposting, I hope you will not be too perturbed should I take such liberties.

  7. Roland an hour later and I'm wondering who this Ghost of yours is, I like his writing and would love to read more of his stuff....details please

  8. Hi, Roland,

    I couldn't agree more! That's what I try to achieve at my blogger home.

    A post is like a invitation over to your house. You must ALWAYS be the gracious host and have refreshments ready .....

    I hope you're in your new place this weekend.

  9. Wendy :
    Robert's Sherlock is one of my favorite because it keeps the deduction but adds fun! The ghost is Mark Twain, sly scoundrel that he is!

    Michael :
    Alas, to pay for the weekend that the owner said I would move but folded on me, I have to work last week, this weekend, and all through to next Thursday! So no new apartment. Sigh. Like a Buddhist monk, I am still sleeping on the floor! Thanks for visiting and chatting. And yes, I am still at work (on my five minute break) Have a great tomorrow, Roland