So you can read my books

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


{Image of Meilori courtesy of Leonora Roy}
The dream and expectation was your future.

The dream and expectation was your chief goal.

The dream was happy, peaceful and comforting - especially when the times were dark.

The dream was a part of you as much as your finger or eye.

And when a part of you is amputated, there is shock, blood, and denial.

Now ...


1. Grieve/Mourn –

 Cry, scream, sob, feel sad, stop smiling that plastic smile, and do whatever you feel like doing.

Losing a dream hurts.

Stuffing the hurt down will only be a temporary remedy.

When we stuff our feelings down and try to hide them, the pain will fester and eventually manifest itself somewhere and it usually isn’t a pretty sight.

So allow yourself to go through the grieving process.

There’s really no reason to hide your pain. Feeling it will allow your heart and mind the opportunity to heal.

2. Schedule Free Time –

 When a dream dies, it not only affects your heart, but it also seeps into every other aspect of your life.

Providing yourself the time to do anything you want whenever you want to do it will take the pressure off you to succeed in multiple tasks.

Your responsibility after a dream dies is to heal.

That’s it.

Just take the time to heal by giving yourself the right to have lots of free time void of commitments and responsibilities.

Think broken leg.  First, the cast.  Then, the crutch.  Lastly, the cane.  Aim for the goal of walking on your own ... but in stages.

But don't keep the cast.  It is only a stage.

3. Share but Care –

Most “people” don’t want to listen to you go on and on about how sad you are that your dream died. It just isn’t something most people want to do.

There are some friends or family members that will be there to listen no matter how many times you express your pain.

But do not lean too hard or too long.  The Father's hours are always open and speaking aloud to Him your pains and thoughts will allow you to hear what you might otherwise be denying in your silent thoughts.

4. Do Stuff –

Don’t sit and stare out the window counting clouds that float by each day. Use your spare time to do stuff.

You can do stuff alone or with people, inside your home, outside in nature or with the masses at the shopping malls. Do things that used to bring you pleasure apart from your dream.

See if there are any community services to which you can volunteer.  Here, there is Abraham's Tent, a city center where they provide meals.  They always need servers. 

You know how to read.  Join a community center where they teach literacy to adults longing to learn how to read.

Those activities will draw you out of yourself, awakening you to a world of hurting people.

5. Forgive –

Easy to say.  Hard to do.

The hurtful people in your world forge a cold environment of predators and prey.  But eventually the predator always becomes the prey.  And they will have no one in their life left to give a damn.

Forgiving is a powerful action.

It takes so much energy to harbor anger and resentment. Resentment is like taking poison, hoping the person who hurt you dies of it.  Know what?  He/She is out there dancing.

The best revenge is to live well. When a dream dies, make a concerted effort to forgive the person(s) or thing(s) that caused the loss. Don’t skip this step.

Especially when the person you have to forgive is yourself.

6. Happy People –

Surround yourself with happy people who laugh because it is contagious. It may take you time to mingle with people or even to feel something is humorous, but the aura or vibe that happy people give off will help you heal from the lost dream.

Can't be with people just yet?  Try DVD's of comedies.  Did LOONEY TUNES make you laugh as a child?  Watch a collection of cartoons of your favorite characters.  Re-awaken the child within.

7. New Goals/Dreams –

Look to the horizon.  The ticking minutes bring you closer to a new tomorrow.  Think of what would make it a better one.

Write down new goals and dreams.

Just brainstorm everything that enters your mind even if it seems impossible. Later you can go back and narrow down the list to a few things that you really want to work towards. When a dream dies, take the time to dream another dream.

8. Take Your Time –

Losing a dream is literally a death and it feels like one too. Take your time to heal from the death of the dream in order to cope with the huge emptiness you feel from the loss.

A bad wound does not heal in a day or even in a week or month.

Be kind to yourself in the same way you would be kind to someone who had a loved one die. You aren’t in a race and there isn’t a time limit on your grieving, so take you time to get through the healing process at a speed that makes you feel comfortable.

Change is hard, and how you cope with those changes is the real key to future happiness.

In the words of D.G. Hudson:

When our dreams die, they sometimes feed the growth of another dream. Perhaps that first dream is not our intended path.


  1. I think this might be my favorite post you've ever written, Roland. I've recently just had a dream die myself, and all of your points are spot on. You've presented the healing process perfectly. Thanks for these words. I find them very inspiring. <3

  2. Morgan:
    The Father whispered that I should write on this. I am truly sad that you had a dream die recently. It hurts soul-deep.

    It reminds me that when He whispers I should pay attention.

    May your tomorrows grow increasingly lighter and brighter. And may better times be just around the corner for you, Roland

  3. Coping is indeed hard. Not everything we desire will be.

    When our dreams die, they sometimes feed the growth of another dream. Perhaps that first dream is not our intended path.

    Very thought provoking, Roland. One of my daughters with a chronic illness is volunteering to work at the childrens hospital to take her mind off her own problems. It helps her and the hospital.

  4. D.G.:
    "When our dreams die, they sometimes feed the growth of another dream. Perhaps that first dream is not our intended path."

    Your own comment is very insightful. Your daughter is wise and giving. It is hard to live with dreams that wither. Thanks for always being my friend, Roland

  5. I have had deaths in the family recently, so to mourn the dead is a very real process, and much of the advice you give here works in my case, too.

    The death of a dream changes a life, mush as the death of a loved one. Thanks for sharing this.

  6. I am grieved to hear of deaths in your family. Death of a close love one hits terribly hard.

    It's an odd feeling, knowing someone you love has died, and then stepping out into the world and finding no one cares. It's almost surreal.

    You'll find emotions hit you at the oddest times.

    You might be sitting down to eat with a friend for lunch, feeling reasonably good, and all of the sudden find yourself crying, or laughing.

    This is normal as your emotions have been knocked off kilter for awhile.

    You may find you are unable to do things or think through what you are trying to do.

    If your grief is deep, you may find your mind unable to form coherent thoughts or that you are unable to do tasks that you were once able to do easily without thinking.

    This is because your brain is occupied with grief. Give it some time to heal, your abilities will return with time.

    My heart and prayers are with you.

  7. 'Resentment is like taking poison, hoping the person who hurt you dies of it.' wow. that's deep. i know someone right now who's holding on to so much resentment and anger and hurt....and i don't know what it will take to make her see it's becoming unhealthy. great post!

  8. I echo Morgan's thoughts, Roland. I am grieving at the moment, both for a loved one and a lost dream and it can take over every aspect of your life. Thank you for reminding me my feelings are a natural part of the process.

  9. death and loss is in and all around us coping and caring is the hardest thing... a dream is something that is there, never dies... sometimes lost... i think that that makes sense...

    Jeremy H.

    New Look, New Name and Same Suff...

  10. You've given good suggestions for dealing with any kind of grief. Be well.