So you can read my books

Saturday, March 15, 2014


I was trying to write in Meilori's again when I heard a scampering of heavy furred feet. 

I looked up.  Hibbs, the cub with no clue.

Hibbs, being a magical being, can appear in Meilori's at any stage of his life.  This time, the cub looked frantic.

"Hide me, Mr. Roland!"

There was a scurrying of sharp nails and Ratatoskr, the Asgardian squirrel, leapt to my table. 

Hibbs groaned, "Too late."

Ratatoskr took my ice tea tumbler in both hands and gulped down nearly half of it.

"Poooie!  Not enough sugar!"

He scurried to the sugar bowl and dumped its entire contents into my glass as I muttered under my breath. 

Ratatoskr gulped down the rest of my tea.

"Ah, just right!"

Ratatoskr's eyes brightened as he spotted Hibbs.  "There you are!  Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?"

Hibbs grumbled, "If I tell you, will you go away?"

"Oh, you're funny!  Like you, they're always short!"

"Where is the Turquoise Woman when you need her?" sighed tiny Hibbs.

"Oooh, another one," grinned Ratatoskr.  Why don't you iron 4-leaf clovers?"

I frowned, "I don't know."

Hibbs pleaded, "Don't encourage him!"

Ratatoskr snickered, "Silly Roland, you don't want to press your luck!"

He scampered up on the shoulder of the fidgeting Hibbs and snorted, "How do you know an Irishman is having a good time?"

"Like I'm not having," moaned Hibbs.

"He's Dublin over with laughter!"  Ratatoskr slapped Hibbs on the back of his furry head. 

"Get it?  Dublin over with laughter!!"

With a trilling moan as of a thousand Apache spirit flutes, a swirl of snowflakes suddenly appeared beside my table.  My breath frosted in tiny clouds at the sudden chill.

The minature snowstorm twirled and flaired into a column of bright sparkles that slowly breathed into the tall Turquoise Woman. 

Eyes, terrible and beautiful beyond the singing of them, lanced into the startled Ratatoskr who tried to swallow but couldn't.

In a voice like icicles singing, the Turquoise Woman asked the Asgardian squirrel as tiny lightnings formed at the end of her pointing forefinger.

"What do leprechauns love to barbeque?"

"Wh-What?" stuttered the terrified squirrel.

She zapped the rump of Ratatoskr with a minature lightning bolt.  "Short ribs."

Hibb snickered as the squirrel grabbed his bottom with both small paws and leapt off onto the floor, scampering away for dear life.

The Turquoise Woman flowed without effort after the running Ratatoskr and asked, "When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?"

She sent another sizzling bolt into the poor squirrel's butt and laughed coldly as he yelped, popping up in the air, "When it is a FRENCH fry!"

The two of them disappeared around the nearest corner in Meilori's, but we heard the faint voice of the Turquoise Woman:

"What is the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?"

Hibbs huffed and squirmed onto the chair beside me with a bit of an effort. 

"Darn.  They're out of earshot.  Now, I'll be wondering all day what the answer was."

Suddenly, the Turquoise Woman appeared beside him and tweaked his ear.  "One less drunk at the party!"

Hibbs yelped but she was already gone back to "rewarding" Ratatoskr for tormenting the cub she loved.


  1. How I love Paddington Bear. I still reread his adventures. And still smile.
    On a different note, do so many people claim Irish blood on St Patrick's Day (while having none) to emulate the saint himself (who also wasn't Irish by birth).

  2. Big fan of Hibbs -- and ouch, those jokes are punny. I'll be sure to share them with my students tomorrow.

  3. Elephant's Child:
    Mother discovered Paddington on TV while in one of her extended hospital stays. I bought her all the VHS tapes I could find of him for her.

    Paddington makes me smile, too. I hope the movie does him justice.

    Maybe you stumbled on something: since St. Patrick wasn't Irish, maybe it is tradition to claim to be Irish on his day!

    Ouch! Punny indeed! I hope your students enjoy the jokes -- at least they'll be worth every cent they pay for them!

  4. I like the jokes... too cute!

    Paddlington bear is a cutie. I have one from YEARS ago, that I bring out at Christmas.

    I think many people honor St. Patrick. I find it fascinating that he wasn't Irish, yet the Irish people adopted him as one of their own as they do on his feast day, welcoming all to 'party' along with them.

  5. Having the Turquoise Woman in his corner is one of Hibbs' assets.

    Isn't it funny how we like bears, but not wolves, when both are dangerous and attack humans. Is it because of all the friendly bear stories we have in our culture?

    I have never celebrated St. Patrick's Day, except as BIL's birthday. Patrick is one of his names as well. He's not Irish and not a big drinker.

  6. LOL, now this totally brightened my day Roland.

    I hope you are healing from your surgeries.

  7. Michael:
    Maybe next Christmas you could post a picture of your Paddington? I think Colin Firth could actually bring off being the voice of the perpetually in trouble bear -- much like Hibbs.

    Glad you liked the jokes. Ratatoskr didn't much like the last ones! :-)

    Hibbs is indeed lucky to have the Turquoise Woman ... most of the time. :-)

    Mother and I always looked for reasons to celebrate each day, and St. Patrick's Day with its humor, bad jokes, and green Chicago lakes fit the bill. :-)

    Smokey the Bear perhaps? No, it goes back farther I think, for the Lakota chose the bear for its symbol for wisdom and healing. If you give a bear space, it will leave you alone unless ill or hungry. Wolves are very territorial but the Lakota admired them for their pack loyalty, fierceness in hunting, and determination -- which really sucked when they were hunting YOU!

    Hibbs is the one to cheer your day all right. My temple scar, though long, is thin and hardly noticeable now. My nose is still a worry though. I see the doctor this Wednesday for both. Thanks for dropping by and talking. :-)