So you can read my books

Saturday, October 22, 2011

CALL ME TOMBS_3rd Platform Builders Challange

In the mood for a laugh?

Rachel and J were so this is their 3rd challenge :

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:

that it’s morning,

that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach

that the MC (main character) is bored

that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting

that something surprising happens.

Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."

(NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them.)

So here is my 300 word Halloween Humorous Entry : CALL ME TOMBS.

Between Toomey and Starks, they found me at the crossroads. If you’re Lakota like me, you know that makes me cursed. The orphanage named me Toomey Starks. Call me Tombs.

Please not Toomer. Makes me sound like an unsightly growth. Behind me, Puppy chuffs at my expense. It is not the first time. And yes, he is the curse.

But he makes for great support as I lean against his broad back and soak in the warm rays on the beach. Puppy is somewhat larger than a Shetland Pony and only slightly smaller than a Sherman tank.

And he smells like Hell. Literally. Puppy chuffs his “What did you expect of a Hellhound?” chuff.

The morning air tastes of salt. The seagull glides gracefully above me. The wind tickles my scalp as it ruffles my hair. The seagull spots Puppy. CAAAW! Splat! On my forehead!

Seagull shit is warm, gooey, smelly, thick, and damn hard to scoop off. Puppy chuffs “Good Shot” to the seagull as its wings blur in its frenzied effort to go into warp speed.

Puppy could turn a wet dream of Megan Fox into a nightmare. I perk up. Speaking of Megan Fox, two honey bunnies, wearing smiles, suntan lotion, and not much else are slowly swaying my way. I hear them laugh emptily to each other in Clueless-ese.

Blather. Calories. Wastopaneer. Blather. Synatec Tacise Diet. Blather

I don’t mind. It’s not their intellects I’m interested in. Puppy chuffs “Big Surprise There”.

He turns to smile wide at them. They shriek and fall limp to the sands. I look for pulses. None. I glare at Puppy.

“I don’t mind you scaring beautiful girls half to death. I can comfort those. But did you have to scare these two TO DEATH?”

Puppy chuffs “Hellhounds don’t do sandcastles.”



  1. Thanks, Sarah :
    Yes, Hellhound comedy for Halloween. I appreciate that you always visit when my works keeps me from visiting as much as I want. Guess what? Yes, I am at work on my 5 minute break! LOL. Roland

  2. Ha! Love it. I laughed and went eww. Then laughed some more. Brilliant idea and nice use of the made up words. Bravo!

  3. LOL. I love the twisted humor in this entry!

  4. Thanks, Christine :
    It made me laugh to use the nonsense words this way! Bad Seagull! LOL.

    Golden Eagle :
    I thought Halloween deserved some twisted humor! Thanks, Roland

  5. Haha love it!! Awesome job! Nice to meet you :)

    I'm entry #5

  6. This is great. I lve the humor in it. Mine is #56

  7. This is a nice change Roland; humor without a self digging barb. I like the hellhound; the description of him sends chills down my spine just thinking about seeing him in the daylight :)

    This was really fun to read. Thanks for the laugh.


  8. Jess :
    Nice to meet you, too. I voted for you.

    Bridget :
    I'm happy you liked the humor in it. I wrote a short story with Tombs & Puppy in it, and they demanded to be let out of my head again. You do not argue with a Hellhound! I voted for you, too.

    Donna :
    I thought it would be a nice contrast a nice sunny beach -- being visited by a bored Hellhound!
    Glad you liked Tombs' humor. He is, too! LOL. Roland

  9. LOVED the hellhound. This is one of the most original entries I've read. Great job!

  10. Thanks, Poewin :
    I looked for your blog and couldn't find it. But I wanted you to know I tried. And thanks for the kind words that made my weary Sunday much, much better, Roland

  11. Poewin :
    I really am work-weary! I found your web page. Yours was a lovely and evocative entry, Roland

  12. Clueless is one of my absolute favorite movies. This is fabulously twisted fun beach story!

  13. CLUELESS was a fun movie, wasn't it? For Halloween it was fun to do a twisted beach story with a bored Hellhound. I'm glad you liked it. I'm still at work, taking a small break to avoid a breakdown! :-) Roland

  14. Love it! I want to hang out with a hellhound with a sense of humour!
    Mine is #25.

  15. Thanks, Jen :
    Toomey and Puppy actually are the best of friends. The two of them against the rest of the world ... with a little help from the Turquoise Woman. Going to your entry to vote now, Roland

  16. David :
    I thought a moment what a good reply from Puppy would be. And when it came to me, I laughed out loud. Thanks for appreeciating Puppy's humor. He'd smile at you, but you know what that does! LOL.

  17. Great take on the challenge. Very original and thoroughly entertaining. Puppy the Hellhound - Love it!

  18. Hey! Guess what?! You're moving on to the next round in the judging process. :) Congrats!

    :) Margo