FIRED ON MY DAY OFF AND ON MY BIRTHDAY

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Thursday, November 30, 2023

DECEMBERING: ART ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE EASY_GHOST OF HARLAN ELLISON

 

Ghost of Harlan Ellison here:

For a brief time, I was here; 
and, 
for a brief time, I mattered.

I am not surprised that I am still kicking around despite being dead.  

Life always managed to beat me on the head like a Hong Kong gong  ...

so why shouldn't death?



That rat, Clemens, had the gall to lure me here to Meilori's by baiting me with my own words:

“In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... 

anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.” 


Clemens said, 
"So write to the dreamers who visit Roland's electronic newspaper and tell them what's what."
 

What's what?  And to think I once respected the guy.  Never meet your heroes.

All right.  

He wants me to elucidate, to illuminate, to unravel the Gordian knot of your dreams.  

I'll point out some road marks but not all of them.  

Eternity is calling me, 
and I want to wander. 

I hear some of you moan, "I like 'having written,' but I hate writing.  It's hard work."

Well, f___ you, of course it's hard work.

Everything worthwhile is hard work.

If it weren't hard work, everybody would be doing it. 

Art isn't supposed to be easy!



You think Michelangelo didn't feel the jolts of his hammer 

against the pick slamming into the marble as he sculpted David or the Pietà?

He felt it all the way up his damn arms to his neck and back down his spinal column in spasms of a Niagara Falls of agony .

Art should always be tough. 

 It should demand foot pounds of energy for every good sentence you manage to pound out on the paper.

Nothing good comes from coasting.


 You never reach glory or self-fulfillment unless you're willing to risk everything, 

dare anything, put yourself dead on the line every time; 

and once you become strong or rich or potent or powerful 

it is your responsibility to help the weak become strong.

Which is why I am writing to you guys, shouting, 

"The road ahead is damn hard. Nobody guarantees you can make it to the end.

Nor should they.

But if you believe in yourself strong enough you can walk it.

It is up to you, and you alone, if you make it to the end."



 

 I don't know how you perceive 

my mission as a writer,



 but for me it is not a responsibility 
To reaffirm your concretized myths
 
and provincial prejudices. 



It is not my job to lull you 

with a false sense 

of the rightness of the universe.  



This wonderful and terrible occupation 

of recreating the world in a different way, 



each time fresh and strange, is an act of revolutionary guerrilla warfare.

 I stir the soup. 
I inconvenience you.

I make your nose run and your eyeballs water. 


 But enough of that.
 

I am gone, and you are not.

Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, 

Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. 

And all that we are, all that remains, 

is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment.


 Remember that and write well ... and live better.




MARK TWAIN_HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

 


"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it."  

- Mark Twain.



Ghost of Samuel Clemens here. Now, it might be MY BIRTHDAY,

but I thought I would give YOU the birthday present!

We beloved literary artists are like that, don't you know.

While babysitting Roland's apartment while he's off galivanting around on his rare blood runs,

I've wandered over to his friends' blogs ---

who in tarnation named them that? Sounds like I'm going to sink in tar like one of those dinosaurs when I visit one.

Anyway, being the beloved literary genius that I am, I noticed a lot of you have been writing on how to get folks to like you,

to hang after you,

and to put their faces on your "wanted poster" as it were.

WHAT YOU BOYS AND GIRLS WANT TO KNOW IS HOW TO WRITE A SEDUCTIVE BLOG!

The answer is ... Easy.

Be easy.

Be seductive, don't you know.


1.) What you learn by picking up a cat by the tail, you can learn in no other way.


In other words, learn by doing. Experiment. Gals do it all the time. That dress doesn't draw any whistles? Put on another.


Try something in your blog new and different. If no one comments, drop it faster than a politician does morals upon election.


2.) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.


I mean, make your visitors laugh. Your blog is your home. Folks go where they feel comfortable, accepted, where they leave feeling better than when they came.


3.) Your blog is your Mini_Me novel. (And yes, even ghosts watch movies.)


And like in your novel, You need not expect to get your blog right the first time.


Write your post like you'd write a page in your novel.


Go to work and revamp or rewrite it.


God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives.


You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.


The time to begin writing your post is when you have finished it to your satisfaction.


By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say.


4.) You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.


By which, children, I mean to not have your visitors leave your blog with their mental faces all screwed up in distaste.


A.) No bragging. Not even if it's true.


B.) No slandering others not there. Not even if it's true. Don't make your guests squirm.


C.) Do help.


You know some of those literary potholes you twisted an ankle on? Point those out to those who follow after you. Make the road you walk easier for the next fella after you.


5.) It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.


The same for your post. Your blog is the only YOU most folks will ever see. Make sure a first time visitor gets the best YOU that you can offer.


To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.


To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...


Anybody can have ideas --


the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.


And that's all the wisdom I can presently conjure. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind :


it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Don't be a stranger, hear? You don't want to miss my next brilliant gem of a post.
***


Tuesday, November 28, 2023

NOIR-vember: THE CREATIVE PROCESS

 

Authors get their ideas everywhere. 

Newspapers, TV, movies, other books, overheard conversations, dreams, nightmares, people we've met, loved, hated, been married to. 

And sometimes we have no idea how we got an idea!




As I posted chapters of my SAME AS IT NEVER WAS on this blog, 

I could hear the ghost of Harlan Ellison screaming into my ear: 


Hear Neil Gaiman's response:


I was browsing for books to read for research on my sequel to 

SAME AS IT NEVER WAS: OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WORLDS ...

And an AH, HA! moment:

Occurred to me!

A whole new section of my fantasy came to me, and it seemed to flow right out of the end of my book.

People who do not read this post will think this series of events had been in my mind from the very start.

Where do your ideas come from, my friends?

Sunday, November 26, 2023

NOIR-vember: PROMOTE YOUR BOOK IN THE NEWS!

 


Get an entire article about you and your book on major news sites: 

Yahoo, Fox, ABC ... even THE VIEW!

Click to see if you qualify!!


Let me save you the trouble ...

Do you have money?

Are you desperate?

Are you stupid?

YES!

You qualify.


That site gets an impressed tip of my Stetson, for it is one of the more clever phishing ploys I've seen in a while!

You want your book in the news?

1 -- Write something newsworthy

2 -- Not easy in this MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING world.

3 -- Have Taylor Swift write a new song: "Roland's too ugly to miss ... but my aim's improving."


WANT TO WRITE A BESTSELLER?

1 -- GET NOTICED
       But not in a way that will mean you have to make bail!

       WORD OF MOUTH --

        Tilt expectations on their ears. 

        Make Robin Hood the villain preying on the poor; 

        the Sheriff of Nottingham the hero, trying to keep King John from laying waste to Sherwood Forest in retaliation for Robin stealing the taxes.


Which is what I do in my latest, SAME AS IT NEVER WAS. 

On the centennial of Eisenhower's birthday, I make him King Saul to my hero's young David.

Will it work? Beats me. 
Which leads me to the next approach.


I call it the TONY DANZA WAY ...

As a struggling boxer, he auditioned for THE WARRIORS. 

The agent was ho-hum about how touch he could portray.

Tony told him he was fighting at the Garden that night -- come see how tough he was.

Tony thought he'd blown the audition. He fought a vicious boxer that night.

Knocked down three times, the mat hitting his face like concrete, he got up each time.

He might be knocked out, but he would not give up.

He threw up his arms that last round, blocking the blows with his arms, 

waiting for the man to pause, then throwing out a punch.

The blows seemed to go on for hours.

He threw out his last punch, feeling he didn't have another left in him.

The blows to his thrown-up arms never came.

He carefully opened his arms ... to see in astonishment the other boxer knocked out on the mat.

Back in the locker room, Tony looked up to see the casting director walk in and say,

"That was the best audition I ever saw."

You just never know.
Keep on swinging, my friends.


Saturday, November 25, 2023

NOIR-vember: AMAZON A+ CONTENT

 


This extra content appears under the section ‘From the publisher’ 

and usually comprises a selection of images or tables giving the reasons why a customer should add your book to their basket.


The main aim of Amazon A+ is to increase a customer's understanding of the book which hopefully then leads to a higher conversion rate 

(the number of times a customer goes on to buy the book after browsing the content).

Evidence shows that media-rich content, with eye-catching graphics to keep the browser’s attention, 

gets more impressions than text-only content online so, 

if you want customers to spend more time on your Amazon product page engaging with your book, spending the time to enhance the listing is worth the effort.

Go to my book page: 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CNR5T9DW

To see how your new book can be used to guide new readers to some of your old books.

A nice tutorial to show you how it can be done using Canva:


Amazon does have some guidelines to what you can and cannot include, 

so you’ll need to stay away from any pricing information. 

This includes special promotional pricing or delivery pricing.


Tuesday, November 21, 2023

NOIR-vember: BOOK MARKETING

 

You can make so much more by ACTIVELY MARKETING your book rather than just throwing your bread upon the waters  ...

Trust me ... do that and all you will get is soggy bread! And not the kind you can spend.

And no, you cannot lie. Amazon frowns on that kind of thing!

Amazon is doing this for the money. You help them. They help you.

Amazon ranks your book on sales and reviews.

We talked about reviews yesterday.

https://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2023/11/noir-vember-reviews.html

High sales brings them more $ from your book, thus

Getting Amazon to place your book higher in their ranking.

Yes, I know that you already know all this. But what you do not know is how to get those higher sales.

What about E-Mail Lists?

Yeah, how many newsletters clog your own email?

 How thrilled are you to see yet another?

How many of them do you read compared to how many you send to the Trash file?


Your blog is essentially your E-Mail List.

HARSH TRUTH:

If folks aren't reading your blog,
they will not read your newsletter either.


SOCIAL MEDIA

Duh, right? 

Pushing a stalled car is obvious. It is hard. But that doesn't mean it does not work.

But pushing a stalled car is easier when you have others pushing with you.


Go to Reddit, Quora, and Facebook Groups ...

Look up the topic of your book to get in front of the eyes of those who are talking about the subject of your book.

Join a group that is posting regularly ... and be entertaining and interesting.

Don't become an Amway sales person. Don't pitch right away.

Offer them laughter, information, and support.

Think:
RECIPROCITY

BOOK-BUB

No Matter how you try to MARKET
Have FUN with it!


I have found the perfect theme for 
the dimensional craft, Sentient, 
in the above novel of mine.




Monday, November 20, 2023

NOIR-vember: REVIEWS!

 


Begging does not help. I know. I tried!


FIRST RULE: 
HAVE A QUALITY BOOK

COVER THAT SIZZLES

INTERIOR THAT RIVETS

SUSPENSE THAT WON'T QUIT

LAUGHS THAT HAVE TO BE SHARED

ENDING THAT SATISFIES

REQUEST FOR REVIEWS THAT ENTERTAINS


SECOND RULE: 
GET VERIFIED REVIEWS FOR FREE!

For FREE? Doesn't VERIFIED mean your book was bought?

NOT THIS WAY.

FIRST
Your Book has to be in KDP SELECT

SECOND:
You have to have 2 back to back days left in
your 5 day free book promos

THIRD:
You will need a BookBit.co account
(No legal Amazon hassles)
You can get 14 day free trial


Set up a promotion on Amazon KDP
at least 10 days away to give yourself
time to choose your reviewers

FOURTH:
Upload your book to the site;
List it as free book promo


ANOTHER SITE:


And no, I do not get anything from either site. I am just doing it for my friends.

There are more ways for you to get reviews, and I will cover them another day.

Oh, AVAILABLE FOR REVIEW NOW!



Sunday, November 19, 2023

NOIR-vember: PRICING

 


Pricing your book on KDP can be daunting. I hear many of my friends say:

"My book is an alternate history of WWII like THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE, 

I think I should charge at least $1o for my Kindle book."

"Ah, did your book win the Hugo award, was made into an Amazon series, are you Philip K Dick? No?

You are unknown. Tempt a potential reader into trying you out."


FREE IS GOOD

You can offer your Kindle eBook for free for up to 5 days out of 

each 90-day KDP Select enrollment period. 

Free Book Promotions are for Kindle eBooks only.

(You can imagine my anguish when my formatter sent me an ePub that Adobe cannot open!)


Especially, since I have just discovered how to use KDP Select to garner free Verified Customer Reviews!


More on that next post.


Kindle Countdown Deals: 

Kindle Countdown Deals allow you to offer your book at a discounted price for a limited time. 

This can help increase your book's visibility and sales.

It appeals to the human instinct of striking while the iron is hot, to save on the full price to come.

WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY

Remember you have only 30 DAYS to get Amazon's attention so that they think it is worthwhile to push you out to the public.




Free and it helps you to compare lengths of novels similar to yours ...

How long are they? How long is yours? Then, ask how well known are their authors compared to you?


Questions: 

Will the reader pay about the same price for your Kindle as compared to your print book? 

How much difference in price between the two? Give the reader incentive to buy your Kindle.

Pre-Orders prices should be cheaper than day of publication, or why should the readers bother?


FOURTH QUARTER IN BOOKS

People are more in the mood to spend money on gifts during the 4th quarter.

Consider that in pricing your new book. Make it easier for people to give multiple copies of your book to friends.


Consider giving a free Kindle gift yourself to each person who buys your new book.