So you can read my books

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


I've just read Leigh Moore's post for THE KINDNESS PROJECT.

It reminded me of Rule #1 of the 8 rules I live by. What eight rules you ask.

Here they are and how they came to be.
Some time back, I read an article entitled "Rules That Warren Buffet Lives By." No, not the guy who sings "Margaritaville." Though I suspect Jimmy has more fun than Warren despite Warren being one of the wealthiest men in the world.

There was obvious merit to them. He didn't get the wealth he has by chasing the wind.

But the phrase "lives by" bothered me. As King Solomon wrote : "Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter. The advantage to wisdom is that it also remains when all else is gone."

And in thinking about that quote, the time came to mind when my home had burned to the ground. My dog, my cat, my possessions {the most dear being the Bible my mother had given me with her thoughts, doubts, and funny one-liners scribbled in the margins} were gone.

My savings had been wiped out by trying to pay my mother's medical bills from her fatal struggle with cancer.

My face and hands were badly burned from crawling back into my house in a vain effort to save my cat. I was living in the back of a massage school, courtesy of a good friend.

I remember sitting on the corner of the bed, after having talked to my best friend, Sandra Thrasher. She and I had our stores next to one another for years in the Mall.

After she had moved out of the Mall, we remained close friends. She helped save my sanity in that black time. And another thing saved it : remembering something Viktor Frankl had learned in a Nazi concentration camp :

"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

I also remembered reading in that day's newspaper that the TV show EIGHT SIMPLE RULES had just gone into pre-production. And it puzzled me what I would say were my EIGHT SIMPLE RULES to live by.

I took out the only scrap of paper I had to my name, a Hallmark store envelope from the "Thank You" card I had bought for Sandra. And I thought for a good bit, then I wrote them down.

Upon reading the Warren Buffet article, I searched through my apartment until I found the carefully folded envelope, kept safe in a drawer.

I sat down and re-read them. I felt like a butterfly reading notes written by the caterpiller it once had been. But the words were true. And I still live by them. I thought you might be interested in what they were. So here they are.


1) Since everyone is having a harder time than they appear, be as kind as you can to each person you meet. You'd feel really lousy if you had made a bad day worse for someone who had been through the wringer, wouldn't you?

2) When faced with two paths, the more uncomfortable one is usually the right one to take. And try not to hurry so down whatever path you take. If you're heading in the wrong direction, going faster won't get you where you want to go any sooner.

3) When faced with a major decision, take overnight to decide. If pressed by someone to make an immediate one, always say "No." If they don't want you to have time to think it over, guess to whose benefit that is?

4) No battle goes as planned. Especially the Battle called Life. Expect things to go wrong. That way if they go right, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Commit yourself to staying flexible. Bouncing is better than breaking. And as no battle goes as fast as you'd want, learn to be patient or you'll become one.

5) If you treat people as extensions of yourself, you will always be lonely, for you will become the way you look at life -- alone in the sandbox of life with unfeeling toys called people.

6) Don't get mad at the sun for being hot. People will always be true to their natures. It's not their fault you mistook their iron for steel. So don't get mad at the rust in the lives of others. Don't blame the rain for being wet. Just get an umbrella and get on with it already.

7) Always keep your walk in sync with your talk. Divorce your ways from from your words, and the alimony payments will be bitter indeed.

8) Always stand up to a bully. Always deny him what he demands. Yes, you will get beat up more times than you want. But physical bruises heal. Some emotional ones never do. If you let them, bullies steal that which is difficult to replace : self-respect, pride, affection for yourself {and in turn, for others - one stems from the other}, and inner peace.

*) What did Susan Sontag say? Oh, yes. "I envy paranoids. They actually feel people are paying attention to them." Hope someone is paying attention to this list and gets some use out of it. If only to laugh.

Right now, I'm listening to "When The Coyote Comes" by one of my favorite artists, Fernando Ortega. In Lakota myth, Coyote was also called "The Trickster," often bringing death and heartache with him.

Oh, and Epi and Louie were Fernando's beloved cats. And here is this oh, so cool song :


  1. Ghost of Mark Twain here, I'm writing on Roland's blamed electronic lap top (who named them that? Sounds like an affectionate secretary to me!) ... while Roland is in the shower, preparing for another one of his 10 hour days.

    There's a 9th rule I always keep in mind: "When talking to others, don't. Listen. Some folks are starving for someone to give a tinker's damn about their hurts ... of which everyone has more than they want!"

    Now, you folks get on those electrnonic gizmos and write to my friend! Or I'll visit you, bringing the ghost of Lovecraft. Brrr.

    Oh, today in 1895, I published "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses." Here's a bit of it:

    "The rules require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven- dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph,

    he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.

    They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate;

    and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones.

    But the reader of the Deerslayer tale dislikes the good people in it, is indifferent to the others, and wishes they would all get drowned together."

  2. Good advice, as usual. Especially about expecting the unexpected.

  3. Excellent words/rules to live by. I also like the quote about wisdom, so very true.

  4. Lovely rules...insights into just why compassion is a good thing. I'm not sure I agree that the more uncomfortable fork is usually the right one. I guess if you're choosing between something that triggers you and something where you could just hide, then uncomfortable is better.

  5. Very touching post. One of my favorite possessions is my mom's Bible too, ironically with notes of her cancer struggle.

  6. How true and wise these rules are. Some of them I do forget. I'm always in a hurry and I complain about people. Alot. LOL And I have let a bully steal my self-respect one too many times.

  7. D.G.:
    The unexpected must get my mail because it always shows up on my doorstep!

    Now, if Solomon had only been wise enough NOT to have married so many wives!

    It is human nature to want to walk the easy path, but it is the hard one that builds muscles both physically and emotionally ... usually. Thanks for visiting and staying to talk awhile!

    Cancer plays no favorites. I hate that it hit your mother. Thanks for liking my post.

    Bullies are the bane of so many young people's existence. And adults have the same problem, too. Sometimes Mankind is not very kind!

  8. I have similar rule, some are just worded differently. You know you can reach out to me anytime you're in need Roland.

  9. Oh, Roland. It just breaks my heart to read about the things you lost in the fire. And your burns. :(

    Those are wonderful rules! I was going to say #2's my favorite or #4 or #6 or #8--but I love them all! Thanks for sharing them.

    And you are a butterfly now. ((hugs)) <3

  10. Michael:
    Thanks for being there for me. I know times are "unique" for you right now, and your offer is true for me with you as well. :-)

    Congratulations on the 3 book deal. I understand why it seems unreal and real for you at the same time!

    I think I am still a mid-stage butterfly, being shaped into something even finer by the Hands of The Father. But even now, my wings flutter the best they can! :-)