FREE KINDLE FOR PC

FREE KINDLE FOR PC
So you can read my books

Saturday, March 6, 2010

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL?


Do you believe in the supernatural? There are two answers to that question, of course. One that you believe in bright sunlight. And the one that you fear is true in the shadows on a strange, moonlit street.



I know. I've had too many occasions to walk the dark streets of the French Quarter at night. I wasn't suicidal. I was broke. I saw street crime naturally. I also saw glimpses of things my rational mind refused to consider.



To focus my mind off those glimpses, I tried to make a list of movies with scenes involving lone walkers at night in the growing fog. Word to the wise. Don't do that. It really doesn't help. At all.



New Orleans has been called a Twilight City, for it rises from civilized slumber to bustling life at night. Performers often line the streets, pushers sell their brands of death, prostitutes promise sex as if it were love, dancers weave through the partiers on the street, and music throbs through the veins of the French Quarter. If the undead do exist, they walk lazily down streets in front of buildings dating back hundreds of years. In that sense, they would be at home. It is we the living who could be thought of as intruders there.



New Orleans is famous for its "Cities of the Dead." Since the city is below sea level, it is filled with above the ground tombs instead of graves in the moist earth. One of the most famous of these "cities" is St. Louis Cemetery #1, established in 1789 and considered by many as being the final resting place of the infamous voodoo Queen, Marie Laveau. But Samuel McCord would tell you differently. He still visits her occasionally if the situation is dire enough to warrant risking suicide.



Friends have asked for an encore of a dark scene of the supernatural from FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE. Samuel is walking to the Convention Center the first night after Katrina. A wheelchair-bound woman has told him of the raping of women and young girls by drunken gang members. It is a tale he must check out for himself. Long ago he was unable to prevent the murder of his own sister, and he is compelled to rescue each young girl he sees in danger.



***

As I made my way down the flooded street towards the Convention Center, I looked up at the full moon. It seemed closer than civilization or any semblance of rescue. If there was to be any help for those suffering at the center, it would have to come from me.

I had heard the Superdome was in equally bad shape. I shook my head. To get there, I would have to head north where the water was still chest-deep over the streets. It would take a miracle for me to help those at the Convention Center. The Superdome was on its own. I might be monster not man, but I was only one monster. And Maudie had bought my help with her bravery and her disregard for her own safety.

As I waded along into the night, the black mists curled and creamed in the humid darkness like an unspoken fear trying to form itself on the edge of consciousness. A trick of the thick air, the moon of blood leered down upon its reflection on the dark waters of the flooded street. Ripples of its long bloody image flowed from the floating dead body of a cat, looking like fingers caressing its kill. The cat’s death apparently hadn't been pretty nor was its corpse. The night became colder than it should have been. Much, much colder.

Rind, the Angelus of Death, whispered in my blood. “At night the dead come back to drink from the living.”

I didn’t need Rind to tell me that the night was not my friend. Too much death had happened too recently. Spirits, lost and angry, were walking beside me. Torn clothing. Hollow eyes of shadows. Sharp, white teeth. Long, writhing fingers slowly closing and unclosing.

Because of Rind's blood in my veins, I could see them slowly circling, hear their trailing, splashing steps behind me, feel the heat of their sunken, hungry eyes upon my back and throat.

Were they soul-echoes, mere refracted memory of a will? Or were there such things as literal ghosts? Just because I could see them didn't mean that I understood what they were.

I turned the corner and came upon the startled, fragile grace of a too-white egret standing alert in the middle of the flooded street, staring back at me. Its long sleek neck slowly cocked its sloping head at me. Then, gathering its huge wings, it launched itself into the air with its long black legs. I saw the spirits of the dead around me longingly stare after its curved flight of grace and freedom into the dark sky. I watched with them.

I felt a tug on my left jacket sleeve. I looked down. My chest grew cold. The dead face of a little girl was looking up at me. Or rather the face of her lost, wandering spirit, her full black eyes glistening like twin pools of oil. Her face was a wrenching mix of fear and longing. She tried to speak. Nothing came out of her moving lips. Looking like she was on the verge of tears, she tugged on my sleeve again and pointed to the end of the block. I followed her broken-nailed finger. I shivered.

She was pointing to her own corpse.

I took in a ragged breath I didn’t need to compose myself. The Convention Center would have to wait. I had sworn a long time ago that no child would ever ask my help without getting it.

A haunted singing was faint on the breeze. Somewhere the dead had found their voices. I nodded to the girl’s spirit and waded to her corpse, the force of the rushing flood waters having washed it up onto the sidewalk and against a store front where it slowly bobbed in place. I saw the girl’s spirit out of the corner of my eye, studying the shell of flesh she had once worn. Her head was turned slightly to one side. The expression to her face was sorrowful and wistful at the same time. She pointed again.

I followed the broken-nailed finger. A rosary all wrapped up in the balled fingers of her left hand. She gestured sharply, then looked at me with eyes echoing things I did not want to see. I nodded again and kneeled down beside the girl’s swollen corpse. I pried the rosary loose, wrapping it around the fingers of my own gloved left hand.

I looked up at the girl’s spirit. She just stood there frowning as if in concentration. Her brow furrowed, her tiny fists balled, and her jaws clenched. I could swear beads of sweat appeared on her ghostly forehead.

I jerked as suddenly guttural words were forced from the long-dead throat of the corpse at my boots. “T-Tell M-Mama ... peaceful now.”

And with that, she looked up into the night. I followed her eyes. She was looking at the retreating body of the egret slowly flying into a filmy, billowing cloud. I looked back to her spirit.

She was gone.

“I promise,” I said to the empty night.

Where had she gone? Had her spirit held itself together just long enough to pass on those words of good-bye to her Mama? Was her soul flying alongside that oblivious egret slowly evaporating within the filaments of that cloud? Or was she finding out the truth about the Great Mystery that haunted me still?

I had no answers. Only more questions. Questions in the dark.

*******************
And here's a video from Concrete Blonde, warning about the shadows of New Orleans.




************
Photo from : Photobucket-hallowedbethyname-69.

HAUNTED NEW ORLEANS


Friends have asked how the jazz club, Meilori's, is enchanted. It is the crossroads of three major ley lines, mystic lines of energy, allowing it to be the portal to another plane of existence. What exactly that plane happens to be is a matter of heated conjecture by many in New Orleans. It is much like the question of who or what is answering the questions on a Ouija board.



At first glance, New Orleans appears but a hodgepodge of streets. Look closer. First laid out by the French, the city bears the mark of Masonic training : the city's plan is based on phi {the proportion of life}. A walk down Bourbon Street triggers your chi {life force} with the ley line extending from New Orleans to Dublin, London, Brussels, Kosova, Haifa {Israel}, and Amman Jordon. If you are versed in the paranormal, you know that New Orleans connects dimensionally like no other city in the world. Or so it is said.



Some believe that the theory of dark matter implies the existence of alternate universes. Think of it. Between your nose and this computer screen could exist heavens, hells, lost dimensional wanderers, or entire galaxies. Impossible? Right now, dozens of radio and television waves are coursing through your head. You just can't see or feel them. A much more detailed explanation of New Orleans' mystic importance is written by Peter Champoux. Check his site : http://geometryofplace.com/NewOrleans.html



Now, for a glimpse within Meilori's :





CHAPTER FOURTEEN

RIGHT TURN ON DEAD

I move in all kinds of circles, meet all sorts of people. I learned

engraving from a counterfeiter, accounting from a swindler.

A succubus once tried to teach me the tango. But nothing doing.


I didn't have the hips for it.

- Samuel McCord


I turned around and faced my newly re-minted night club. Meilori’s was back. And it had only taken a small fortune to make her return breath-taking. Luckily, I had stumbled across more than a few lost treasures in all my manhunts. When the last owner of a fortune is several centuries dead, it made giving it back harder than just keeping it. But I spent it wisely. Or tried to.

My night club sparkled in the dim illumination of spinning, sparkling chandeliers. Meilori’s stood on a busy French Quarter corner. But even so, it seemed to go on for much longer and wider than it appeared from the outside.

Which made sense. It was wider and longer within than without. Courtesy of Rind, the Angelus of Death, my place led into a dimension that only a few could enter and from which even fewer could return. Everyone was safe who stayed up front. Those who ventured deeper did so at their own peril. The sign to my place read : HERE BE MONSTERS. TO VENTURE DEEP WITHIN IS TO CHANCE NEVER RETURNING AT ALL.

Not that many paid much attention to the words, mind you. But they had only themselves to blame if they never returned from the shadows. Besides, New Orleans had lost a good many visitors long before my place showed up. The city had just lost a site more since then was all.

Hicock was playing poker in the far table, his new spectacles gleaming on his nose. He nodded. I nodded back. He gestured to an empty seat beside him. I shook my head. I kept my gambling limited to my life not cards.

Major Strasser, immaculate in his black Nazi uniform, sat closer to me. I ambled to his table. He smiled with sharp white teeth.

“Still hold Casablanca against me?”

“Not so you notice. Remember I shot you in your withered heart, not in the acupuncture point that could have killed you.”

“Just so. Is it really the year 2005 out past those doors?”

“Yes, but I’d advise against going out there. Go back the way you came. You’ll still have years of blood and madness across all of Europe if you return that way.”

He stared at me curiously. “You know how the war ends?”

“Yes, everybody loses.”

I turned from him and made my way to the gleaming bar. And yes, if you are wondering --- there were mirrors on the walls -- when you could see them. Each table surface was reflective as were the steps of polished marble scattered in random spots along the length of the red carpet sweeping it seemingly into eternity. Elu got lonely sometime. And he also got --- hungry.

What can I say? Meilori’s is that kind of place.

I was in my dress black western suit. Black shirt, black tie, vest, long coat, slacks, boots. Even my broad Stetson was black. I sighed. I missed Sammy in his all white attire. Samuel Langhorn Clemens was probably having them all in stitches somewhere in a far better place than my night club of the damned. I blinked back hot tears. Sixty odd years is a long time to know a friend. I missed him.

I slowly moved through the room that seemed to become larger, wider, deeper the longer I was in it. The president of France sat with his young love. They were chatting with Marie Antoinette, her slender throat neatly stitched so well only I could see the slight scar of the incision. She smiled coldly at me.

I tipped my Stetson to her and moved on. That was one of the problems to my night club. Every aisle led to a place you’d rather forget. Every table brought back memories of what you had done or should have done.

And every woman reminded you of another woman. Or in my case, one woman. The only woman. Meilori.

Off to the left was one of my internet jazz stages. Erin Bode was singing in the middle of its spotlight. She was an up and coming jazz vocalist. She didn’t like to be type-cast as a jazz vocalist. There were worse things to be called. I should know. I had been called most of them.

I liked her. Meilori would have, too. Erin had called me up and volunteered to sing at my place. She had wanted her fee to go to the Katrina Relief Fund. All the money from the live internet feeds of tonight and the nights to follow would help the hurting in my adopted city.

As Erin was singing “Alone Together,” Toya swayed up to me. I smiled wide at her, the image of the six year old I had found out by my dumpster settling over her Cleopatra features. Skin the color of milk coffee gleamed under the swirling lights above us. Her black dress was so short that it could have qualified as a long blouse. Any shorter and it would have been a wide belt. Tonight she was dressed as a buccaneer. Lafitte would have made her captain of his ship, if not his heart.

**************

Right now, I'm listening to Alison Moyet singing "All Cried Out." She is an inspiration to many of us who have fought the battle of the bulge. Her weight struggle has taught her why the first syllable in diet is die. Check out her website http://www.alisonmoyet.com/. And if you're interested in seeing her do the song I'm listening to check this out :




Thursday, March 4, 2010

THE BELL-BEAT OF WINGS ABOVE MY HEAD


In the outer reaches of Southwest Louisiana lies one of the nation's last great wildernesses : the Creole Nature Trail. As a blood courier I am priviledged to travel it as my blood center services the lone hospital on the Cameron coast. It has been awhile since last I drove those secluded trails where the ghosts of Jean Lafitte and other privateers seem to peer at me as I drive by.

The second largest population of alligators in the U.S. reside here, floating along canals or slipping beneath the water at my passing. Overhead 300 species of bird look down amused at me as I dwaddle in my little wagon of clumsy steel and rubber. As I said earlier, it has been two years since last I drove these weaving trails amidst the cypress. Hurricane Rita scoured Cameron clean of habitations, including the hospital. Hurricane Audrey reaped a terrible toll in life last century. Why then do these natives rebuild?

Simple.

It is home.

The blood and bone of parents, grandparents, loved ones, and long cherished ancestors lie in this soil. That and it becomes a part of you, of who you are. Their roots are deep in this land. And like I said ... it is home.

It is why my character, Samuel McCord, stays in his jazz club in New Orleans. In 1815, he lost his family to the Comanche. His poet's soul and his scholar's mind made him an uncomfortable fit in the Texas Rangers. When Baroness Micaela Pontalba built him the apartment building in the French Quarter in 1848 as thanks for saving her life, the rootless McCord suddenly found himself with a place to call his own. He simply named his apartment "Casa" {Home.} When he lost his heart to the mysterious Meilori Shinseen and wed her in 1854, he started calling it "Meilori's." It meant the same to him, for in his heart Meilori was his home.

In 2005, he still stays in the enchanted jazz club since he refuses to give up the only home he has known in his adult life. With Meilori having left him seven years earlier, the club's heart is gone as is his own. But McCord refuses to let go of hope and the dream that someday Meilori will re-enter the swinging doors to his club and slip back into his arms.

At the moment, I am listening to "The Truth Beneath The Rose" by Within Temptation, a Dutch Gothic rock band. Yes, I do listen to rock, bloggers. They have sold ten million albums worldwide. The song I'm listening to is currently being used in commercials for THE TUDORS, season 3. A unique video of it is on YouTube.com which uses footage from THE DARK KNIGHT with the stirring song. Here it is :

THE MUSIC OF FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE


Mankind shares a soundtrack. Science assures us of that. Experts in all fields are singing the same tune.
Anthropologists, evolutionary biologists, neurosurgeons, and psychologists have all come to the same conclusion while taking different paths to reach it. They believe the "musical" area in the brain created human nature.
Music is as universal as language. It predates agriculture. Some scientists believe it even existed before language, its melodies promoting the cognitive devolopment necessary for speech. Americans spend more money on music than they do on prescription drugs or sex. The average American spends more than five hours a day listening to it. Obviously, it is important to us.


It is important to FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE as well. And with a title like that that, it should come as no surprise. It is important to the lead character, Samuel McCord, too. It is no coincidence that he owns a jazz club. A jazz club he named after his wife, Meilori. Music to him has become a remembrance of shadows, an echo of times spent with friends, and a glimpse into a time when he was loved.



He is a monster who mourns the loss of his humanity. So much so that he nutures it in the souls of those who pass his club, lost and hungry. McCord sees life in terms of music. When he first views the flooded streets of New Orleans, he hears Bette Midler singing, "I think It's Going To Rain Today," especially the refrain "human kindness is overflowing."



He championed the tragic jazz legend, Billie Holiday. His wife's favorite song was Billie's "You Go To My Head." He often hears it throughout the novel. And when he is facing his death before overwhelming odds, he once again hears that song before murmuring the one name he promised himself would be the last on his lips : "Meilori."



A sample of how music plays a part in FRENCH QUARTER NOCTURNE :

Chapter Twelve
ONCE THE WORLD LIVED BY NIGHT



“Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans,
virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively
well.”
- FEMA chief, Michael Brown
(September 1, 2005)

In the dark.


Story of most of my life.

As I sat in the shadows of my club, I listened to the music coming from the speakers on the ceiling. It was a recording of Meilori playing my favorite piano sonata, Quasi Una Fantasia. Most knew it as Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. In 1832 music critic Ludwig Rellstab had first called it that, comparing it to moonlight shining down upon the night-shrouded Lake Lucerne.


I had been in Weimar, Germany at the time, trying to keep the irate spirit of the real Faust from killing Goethe. Like so many times in the past, I had failed. But then the man had been 82 years old and not cursed with my blood disorder.



Meilori's lovely playing intruded into my brooding. The Moonlight Sonata was never more haunting than when she played it. Beethovan had dedicated the sonata to his seventeen year old pupil, Countess Giulietta Guiccciardi. He had loved her. He had lost her. Not a new story. It repeated itself all too often.



Long ago my bloodbrother, Elu, had told me that there were no truths, only stories. Like with everyone else close to me, Elu had passed on. But his words had stayed with me.



I studied on them in the dark of my night club, Meilori's. It was all I had left of my wife. She had passed on, too. In a way. But not before she had slapped my face. The fact of it had hurt more than the force of it. Meilori had slapped me. Me. I could still almost feel it on my cheek. I had taken her love for granted and had paid a terrible price.



That had been seven years ago to the day. September 11th. It didn't mean to me what it now meant to most people. And yet, in a way it did. My whole world had changed that day, too.



Now, a lot of other people's lives had been shattered again. Not by terrorists. Not by a deserting wife. But by a hurricane. Katrina.



I studied the night club that had seemed so alive when Meilori walked its rich, red carpets. Poor sad, ravaged beauty now. My club had sure seen better days. Housing survivors and rescue workers had pretty much made a shambles of her retro-Victorian elegance. But to my eyes she still seemed a beauty. But I was a romantic. Hard to believe after all I had seen, but I was a slow learner.



I looked around, not seeing the torn curtains, stained tablecloths, and overturned tables, but rather seeing ghosts of the past chatting and plotting long-dead schemes. Worse, in the dark quiet that shivered like a dying breath, I saw her. Meilori Shinseen, the other half of my heart. The half that had ripped itself away from what was left of mine.



I thought about Meilori. She had been one of those haunted-eyed women you attached your own hidden fears and silent sorrows to. And her face. Lord, her face. Aside from being beautiful, which it had been ... so much so that the whole world seemed to center around it when I had looked at her. But there was more. Besides being hauntingly beautiful, it had been a good face. And I'd not seen many beautiful faces that were.



There were whispers in her jade eyes of tragedy and of pain, but no self-pity. Instead her past seemed to have given birth to a wry understanding, laced with echoes of bitter humor. There were disturbing depths of sadness in her eyes. Depths which whispered of age more ancient than the Aztecs, more haunted that even my past. They had both called and warned at the same time. I had lost myself in their green depths where the monsters swam, the monsters which drive us or haunt us or both. We had both done terrible things in our past, but in each other's arms we had found some small measure of peace. Until ....



I shivered at the memory of that day seven years ago.



I had lived a life of fire, had died a death of ice. But it was only until I met Meilori that I had realized before her I had not lived at all.



What had Elu whispered as he lay fading away in my arms those long years ago? "What is life but a flash of a firefly in the night, the breath of a buffalo in winter, the cloud shadow that races across the tall grass to lose itself in the setting sun."



*********************************



I'm listening right now to "You Go To My Head." But it isn't being sung by Billie Holiday but by the Canadian Diana Krall. Think Ali Larter playing the piano with a sexy, haunting voice. You might want to check out her website if only to see her beauty.

http://www.dianakrall.com/.

She's just been nominated for three Juno awards. And she is going to tour New Zealand. Sigh. One day I'll get to go there myself.


If you want to watch and hear her sing, "You Go To My Head," here it is :

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

WELCOME TO THE WONDER, LEVEN KHALE


Kelli Higgins, my pregnant co-worker, is pregnant no longer. Last night her son Leven Khale was born : 7 pounds, 20 inches. She is a new mother, facing all the questions novice mothers have faced since Eve. You know, the basics on the basics : Burping. Crying. Developing. Feeding. Growing. Pooping.

Kelli, if you're reading this, an excellent website by a pediatrician can be found here : http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/ The doctor answers the basic questions for babies and toddlers as well.

Of course me, being me, I had questions. The kind that there are really no answers to. They called out to me like bells in the distance. When does thought begin for babies? Do babies think in the safe darkness? And if so, what thoughts were little Leven thinking just before things got bumpy for him? Was he content? Was he happy? Did he think this dark passage was going to go on forever? Why not? It was all he had ever known. Each stage of life is like that I think. We get lulled into a false sense of security by repeated life experiences, thinking that they will not change. But they always do. And most of us fuss like babies when wrenched into the next stage.

Is death like that you think? What awaits us at the end of that dark tunnel whose end is blazing light? Will we fuss like babies at what we find or gaze slack-jawed at the wonders awaiting us -- as Leven must be doing even now as he looks at the noisy, vibrant-colored world bustling with incomprehensible people all around him.

I was thinking this as I was driving home, the night snowing stars. I looked up into the endless sable depths beyond the moon. For a moment, I felt like the mountain wolf staring up into the sparkling universe, who never learns why he must live as he does. But still he sings to the moon, one lonely spirit to another. And in like manner, I sent up a prayer into the infinite night to He who shaped the moon and Leven to watch over him and smooth the path before him all his days -- and to keep an eye over you, Kelli, as well.

I'm currently listening to "Believe," the theme to THE POLAR EXPRESS, sung by Josh Groban. It's a song about renewing your childhood dreams and your life in the process. Check out his website : www.joshgroban.com/ It has a few surprises to it. If you want to listen to "Believe" by Josh Groban, here it is :



Monday, March 1, 2010

RULES THAT WARREN BUFFET LIFES BY


I just read an article entitled "Rules That Warren Buffet Lives By." No, not the guy who sings "Margaritaville." Though I suspect Jimmy has more fun than Warren despite Warren being one of the wealthiest men in the world.



There was obvious merit to them. He didn't get the wealth he has by chasing the wind. But the phrase "lives by" bothered me. As King Solomon wrote : "Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter. The advantage to wisdom is that it also remains when all else is gone."



And in thinking about that quote, the time came to mind when my home had burned to the ground. My dog, my cat, my possessions {the most dear being the Bible my mother had given me with her thoughts, doubts, and funny one-liners scribbled in the margins} were gone. My savings had been wiped out by trying to pay my mother's medical bills from her fatal struggle with cancer. My face and hands were badly burned from crawling back into my house in a vain effort to save my cat. I was living in the back of a massage school, courtesy of a good friend.



I remember sitting on the corner of the bed, after having talked to my best friend, Sandra Thrasher. She and I had our stores next to one another for years in the Mall. After she had moved out of the Mall, we remained close friends. She helped save my sanity in that black time. And another thing saved it : remembering something Viktor Frankl had learned in a Nazi concentration camp :



"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."



I also remembered reading in that day's newspaper that the TV show EIGHT SIMPLE RULES had just gone into pre-production. And it puzzled me what I would say were my EIGHT SIMPLE RULES to live by. I took out the only scrap of paper I had to my name, a Hallmark store envelope from the "Thank You" card I had bought for Sandra. And I thought for a good bit, then I wrote them down.



Upon reading the Warren Buffet article, I searched through my apartment until I found the carefully folded envelope, kept safe in a drawer. I sat down and re-read them. I felt like a butterfly reading notes written by the caterpiller it once had been. But the words were true. And I still live by them. I thought you might be interested in what they were. So here they are.



Roland's EIGHT SIMPLE RULES :



1) Since everyone is having a harder time than they appear, be as kind as you can to each person you meet. You'd feel really lousy if you had made a bad day worse for someone who had been through the wringer, wouldn't you?



2) When faced with two paths, the more uncomfortable one is usually the right one to take. And try not to hurry so down whatever path you take. If you're heading in the wrong direction, going faster won't get you where you want to go any sooner.



3) When faced with a major decision, take overnight to decide. If pressed by someone to make an immediate one, always say "No." If they don't want you to have time to think it over, guess to whose benefit that is?



4) No battle goes as planned. Especially the Battle called Life. Expect things to go wrong. That way if they go right, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Commit yourself to staying flexible. Bouncing is better than breaking. And as no battle goes as fast as you'd want, learn to be patient or you'll become one.



5) If you treat people as extensions of yourself, you will always be lonely, for you will become the way you look at life -- alone in the sandbox of life with unfeeling toys called people.



6) Don't get mad at the sun for being hot. People will always be true to their natures. It's not their fault you mistook their iron for steel. So don't get mad at the rust in the lives of others. Don't blame the rain for being wet. Just get an umbrella and get on with it already.



7) Always keep your walk in sync with your talk. Divorce your ways from from your words, and the alimony payments will be bitter indeed.



8) Always stand up to a bully. Always deny him what he demands. Yes, you will get beat up more times than you want. But physical bruises heal. Some emotional ones never do. If you let them, bullies steal that which is difficult to replace : self-respect, pride, affection for yourself {and in turn, for others - one stems from the other}, and inner peace.



*) What did Susan Sontag say? Oh, yes. "I envy paranoids. They actually feel people are paying attention to them." Hope someone is paying attention to this list and gets some use out of it. If only to laugh.



*******************



Right now, I'm listening to "Fly Me Away" by Annie Little, which began by being a commercial for Amazon's Kindle. It's an inspiration that shows good things can come from small beginnings since she received a chance to do a mini-CD of three of her songs from Amazon. Here it is if you'd like to see it :

HIBBS, THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS


Looking back through the years, the memory flows into seasons of mist. Rolling clouds of blankness obscures the past, parting sporatically, seemingly without rhyme or reason {though Freud would dispute that} to reveal images blurred by shadows of regret, love, or yearning. But those vistas shape the inner landscape of our soul and of our mind.



Angels of lightning and storm, these memories fly from our past to sweep over our heads and under our radar to propel us along paths we only partially understand. We dream, awake, and forget. But not so our unconscious mind. It remembers, murmuring to take this road and not another. We think we choose rationally. But do we? What is illusion, what is sure in the actions we take? Doubts sleep, love burns, and fears howl. There is no refuge for the storms in our soul.



We hear in the voices of the wind the lost dreams of childhood. If we are fortunate, those voices lead us back onto the path we only thought we had lost. If we are brave, we will walk it anew with wiser heads.



All of which leads me back to those bleak Detroit winter days as my mother opened a world of wonder as I lay shivering under my blankets, the coughing from my double pneumonia growing worse and worse. I think I know why I wrote down those tales she told me, filtered through my own memories and imagination. It is my kiss to the winds to her spirit and to her love. But it could also be my desire to spin my own tales told in the darkness of the written page, to open the healing world of wonder to some other soul in the cold.



Some of my friends have asked me to put in this blog a few pages of THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS. So here are five {the first chapter} :


THE BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS


CHAPTER ONE

THE TURQUOISE WOMAN

"Keep me away from the wisdom that does not cry,
the philosophy that does not laugh, and the greatness
that does not bow before children."
- Kahlil Gibran.

The face of shadows gazed down upon the young bear from a bright full moon. Hers was a face that few had seen and fewer still had lived to describe. Her ghostly features were terrible and beautiful beyond any singing of them. A haunted melancholy clung to them. Like a windmill, her memory slowly turned through the fleeting lives that had been born upon her shores to walk soft across her grass like prayers only to fade away into the blood-rimmed end of the sunset.

Though it was the warming season when the geese returned, a swirl of snowflakes settled upon the wide flannel-covered shoulders of the digging bear. The long, odd shovel hesitated in his great paws. Leaning the shovel against a lonely oak tree, he wiped both paws on his worn leather pants. Sighing deep, he looked up into the face of shadows.

"Hello, GrandMother."

A warm breeze melted the snowflakes as it caressed the fur along his left cheek, whispering in the words of the wind : "I still care for you, Hibbs."

The breeze suddenly blew icy and strong, lashing a sharp oak branch across the bear’s cheek so hard that warm, bright blood oozed from a long gash. "But I have not forgiven you."

He wrinkled his nose. "Somehow I sensed that."

His voice was light, but his heart was heavy. As heavy as his steps when he turned back to the strange mahogany chest by his shovel. He thought bitterly, 'If only I could just fall back into my life and undo what I did.’

He pulled himself up straight. He couldn’t do that. Not ever. All he could do was live with what he had done with honor, compassion and courage. And a little intelligence wouldn’t hurt either.

He sank hard to his knees with a grunt. He studied the mahogany chest GrandMother had given him before the start of this journey of exile. It seemed to sing to him of long ago, of legends, and of mystery.

It was black. No, darker than mere black. It was as if all life had been leeched from one lone spot in Eternity and been shaped into the form of a rune-covered chest. He was silent as he opened the chest. No need for words, for with his dark act of kindness all words had long since lost their meaning.

Another oak branch lashed him. This time across the back and much, much harder -- as the words of winter were harsher. "Leaves! You filled my gift with leaves?"

The bear looked up into the moon’s face of shadows. "The stone coins are still there. Still in their leather bag."

His nose wrinkled. "Why are they so important to you?"

"Because they cause me bitter pain."

The tone of Grandmother’s words should have warned him, but Hibbs had never been known for thinking ahead. "Pain? But then why keep them?"

The voice grew haunted, sad. "For a remembrance of my shame."

Hibbs rocked back a bit. GrandMother felt shame? He had always thought of her as perfect and as lovely as the moonlight.

Her voice was but a murmur of the night winds. "But for me the race called Whyte would even now be roaming my green hills."

Even Hibbs was wise enough to know he must choose his next words carefully. "The face on these coins. Does it belong to the race known as Whyte?"

His words hung silent in the cold night air. The young bear had never been comfortable when GrandMother held back her answer to one of his questions. Often it meant that when the reply came, it would be accompanied by a sharp twist of his nose from invisible fingers. This time was no different. He cleared his throat in hopes of saving his nose, still tender from the last time.

"He seems to be like, but not like, the Lakota, the Apache, and the Comanche."

He cocked his massive head. "It seems so odd to speak their names here in this far-away place of exile."

Still GrandMother remained silent. Never a good sign. He sighed. He reached into the chest and pulled out the oak leaves, stopping when he saw them clear in his great paw. When he had put them in the dark chest, they had been dry and withered. Now, they were green, smelling of spring, of life.

He stood, grabbing the strange iron shovel to help him rise, for his body was heavy, even for his muscles. He waited. Still nothing. He walked slow to the small hole he had made.

Thumping to his knees with another grunt, he dropped the leaves into the fresh-turned dirt and covered them with a pat. He smiled sad. He felt like his heart would break. At that moment, the words of wind whispered.

"There are echoes of grief to your smile. Why is that?"

Still kneeling, the bear found he could no longer see clear. Hot tears stung his eyes. He made his voice work.

"These leaves are from the twisted oak atop the Pajarito Mountains of Sonora. M-My first memory of you is when you cradled me in your arms there. When -- when -- you still loved me."

The silence was a thing alive then. His wide shoulders slumped, and he leaned heavy on his large paws . The heart inside his chest felt like it was becoming cold stone like the thirty coins . His fear had been proven true. He was alone. Alone. And he would die that way, alone, unloved -- and unmourned.

His vision slowly cleared. He blinked his eyes once, twice. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. White thigh-high moccasins. They were almost touching his paws they were so close. He felt his chin lifted up, the long fingers holding it, soft, tender. His throat closed.

Standing in front of him ... tall, regal, in her moon-white buckskin dress was GrandMother.

Estanatlehi, The Turquoise Woman, had taken form for the third time in his life.

Eternally young, framed by long hair of living lightning, hers was a face like none he had ever seen, not even on the stone coins. Not that he saw it clear, mind you. Shadows flitted across it like dark clouds across the full moon. But her turquoise eyes were clear. And wet. And so sad.

"Never. Never think that I do not love you, that I will not always love you. You are here because this whole wide world is me -- and, as always, your focus had become too narrow."

"I do not understand."

"I do not ask that you understand, only trust."

And with that, she was gone.

The bear’s face fell. "GrandMother?"

The breeze that caressed his cheek was warm. "I am still here. I came to you again that way because there are some words that just must have a face to go with them to be believed."

Suddenly, snowflakes fluttered upon him. "Now, about this guest you are housing in the cabin I built for you ...."

The heart sank within him. "You’re thinking that it is just like with Surt, I know --"

The next words were colder than even the wind which swirled the snow about him. "You know? So little, so very little. And so very much depends upon you."

"I-I’m sorry for the pain I cause you."

"Do not be sorry. Be better."

"But GrandMother. The strange creature was hurt, surrounded by -- things that would’ve killed her."

"And what if she deserved death?"

He pulled himself up tall. "I am not the measure of the world that I could make that decision. I saw a life in danger. I protected it."

The bear swallowed, then forced himself to say, "I mean to always do so."

The breeze grew warm and ruffled softly the fur of his face. "Spoken like the grandson I love. I’ll be watching, Hibbs."

And this time, Estanatlehi, The Turquoise Woman, was truly gone. Hibbs strained to hear her voice, though he knew deep down he would not. Some instinct made him stare down at his bare furry feet, and he hushed in a breath. A tiny oak sapling had grown from the spot where he had planted the leaves, taken from the tree where first he had felt loved.


*** ***


At the moment, I am listening to "Whispers In The Moonlight" by Omar Akram, a composer & pianist who encourages his audience to dream to seek the horizons that only can be seen from within. He was born in New York City while his father was representing Afghanistan at the United Nations. Check out his website : http://www.omarmusic.com/ There is magic in the music played there.