HEAVEN FOR SALE

It is not a new concept.

The Pharisees did it 2000 years ago.   

The church was scandalized in the 15th century 

when  priests were caught selling what is know as indulgences (basically no punishment for sin).

Now, it has entered a new phase.

I'm not talking about folks like Kenneth Hagin, who had to become famous the hard way over 33 years 

by preaching on the radio, then television, and going on to start his own magazine and college ...

  and then writing about his experiences as an ill 15 year old boy in I Went to Hell.

Roberts Liardon (named after Oral Roberts) at 17 wrote of his translation to Heaven at the age of eight.  

I Saw Heaven has sold 1.5 million copies.

by preaching on the radio, then appearing on television, then starting a magazine, and then founding Rhema Bible Training College and its associate programs. - See more at: http://thislandpress.com/07/21/2015/heaven-is-a-place-for-sale/?read=complete&utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email#sthash.UnFEdMsN.dpuf

had had to become famous the hard way: by preaching on the radio, then appearing on television, then starting a magazine, and then founding Rhema Bible Training College and its associate programs. - See more at: http://thislandpress.com/07/21/2015/heaven-is-a-place-for-sale/?read=complete&utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email#sthash.UnFEdMsN.dpufwh

had had to become famous the hard way: by preaching on the radio, then appearing on television, then starting a magazine, and then founding Rhema Bible Training College and its associate programs. - See more at: http://thislandpress.com/07/21/2015/heaven-is-a-place-for-sale/?read=complete&utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email#sthash.UnFEdMsN.dpuf

had had to become famous the hard way: by preaching on the radio, then appearing on television, then starting a magazine, and then founding Rhema Bible Training College and its associate programs. - See more at: http://thislandpress.com/07/21/2015/heaven-is-a-place-for-sale/?read=complete&utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email#sthash.UnFEdMsN.dpuf

Liardon's father had left the family when the boy was just a toddler. 

 To imagine a Heaven with a six foot tall, accepting Jesus, golden curbs adorned with humming flowers, and clean crystal streets is understandable.

Since then, however, the formula has been often repeated:

Visit Heaven, write a book, get money.


There has been a flood of such titles:

The Day I Died, My Time in Heaven, My Journey to Heaven, To Heaven and Back,

 A Glimpse of Heaven, Heaven is for Real, A Vision From Heaven, and Waking Up in Heaven.

Poor Alex Malarkey, the quadriplegic boy who co-wrote The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, has recanted his story. 

His brave mother has tried to get the book pulled since 2011.  

Alex has written on his own blog 

that he was a six year old trying to get comfort and attention at a terrifying time.

"People should just read the Bible which is enough."

Now that is a brave young man.  

He is sixteen and totally dependent on others.  

His book has sold 10 million copies before Tyndale Press pulled it in late January of this year.

My heart goes out to Alex and his crusading mother, Beth.  Pray for them.

These tales of supposed trips to Heaven prey on people in the most vulnerable way, 

treating death in a superficial, deceptive fashion.

Paul of Tarsus wrote in 1 Corinthians 2:9:

"But, as it is written, “No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him."

Or as the ghost of Mark Twain translates it:

 "If you can describe Heaven, pilgrim, you ain't been there."

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T WRITE_ghost of Mark Twain

Humble genius that I am, I sometimes have my ghost teeth throb as I stroll down the aisles of bookstores.

I see one more cover with a bare chest of a fella without his head attached, 

I am going to become a poltergeist I swear!

And what's this you call "Flash Fiction?"

Why old Thomas Wolfe claimed surprise at a party that James Thurber called himself a writer since all he did were articles in The New Yorker.

Seems he felt that prose under 50,000 words was just doodling in words, don't you know?

Of course Old Fitzgerald told Wolfe that he was a notorious "Putter-in" whilst he was a "Taker-out!"

Now, Faulkner is nigh as humble as myself.  Whilst alive, he put together a list of the 5 best writers of the 20th Century.

Wolfe he put first.  Himself he placed second (snort).  Dos Passos he made third, followed by Hemingway and then Steinbeck.

Four of those five were putters-ins.  

Mencken told me that any soul that could think clearly could write clearly.  

But I do not think clearly.  My mind is such a hodge-podge that my thoughts run into one another all the time. 

 Must be where my migraines come from!

I hated parties so I used the time to write in my head.  

Why, I remember the time Livy tugged on my arm and said, "Youth!  Will you stop writing while a guest is talking to you?"

Suzy, my little girl, was once asked by a friend if I was taken ill.  

"No.  Papa is merely writing in his head again!"

But I digress ...

I started out to tell you why you shouldn't write:


1.)  You Ain't Good At It

Just because you can write doesn't mean you should!  

Why, I can sing up a storm ... and sometimes get a shoe thrown at me like a yowling stray cat for my efforts.

Now, I know you can write physically but can you make the words sing?

 Does your prose have that certain something? 

Are you gifted at showing not telling, or telling not showing, 

or creating an entire world that didn’t exist before that is born again when someone else reads your work?

{But here's the kicker: you won't know until you try.}


2.) It's Too Damn Hard

Think digging ditches is hard? At least you know when you are done.

 Writing is thankless work.

 It is like housework. It is like laundry. It is like a politician's lies. There's no end.

 There is always more.

 People may tell you that you are good, but you won’t believe them, 

or you will believe them too much, or you will not know who to believe, least of all yourself.

But if all that don't slow you down, then maybe you have the makings of a writer after all.


3.)  Money Is the Fool's Gold of Writing.

Writing is the fastest way to get broke I know.  Oh, but you will be the J K Rowling exception to that rule. 

Odds are against you, children.  

Writing is a roulette wheel, and it lands on every number but the one you picked.

If after all this, you still burn to be a writer ...

Why, all I can say is that you are a damn fool ...

like me ... 

Welcome to the club.

GET A MILLION HITS ON YOUR BLOG THE DONALD TRUMP WAY

{Image Courtesy of Gage Skidmore}

1.) GET MAD AT SOMEBODY

Preferably someone you can't possibly defend yourself against.

Donald Trump is mad at the government of Mexico because he won a lawsuit against former business partners,

 but can't collect thanks to the country's "Corrupt Court System" 

In February, Trump called for a boycott of the country.

That's the way!  Get a whole country gunning for you: a certain way to get attention!


2.) SAY SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS AND INDEFENSIBLE. 

 Say John McCain is "a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren't captured."

Bizarre?  Sure, but people will tune in to see what other wild and crazy things you will write.


3.)  IMMEDIATELY MODIFY THE OUTRAGEOUS THING YOU JUST WROTE.

 Now, a less experienced strategist would simply say something rude or offensive and then cross his arms and pout.

 But learn from the master.  Trump is the greatest, classiest strategist, with enough experience to know better. 

So right after he calls Mexican immigrants rapists, he adds, "[a]nd some, I assume, are good people." 

Right after he says that John McCain is "not a war hero," he says, "I believe, perhaps, he's a war hero."

Can that possibly fool anyone?

Sure.  

This is America, country of the sound-byte diminished memory span.

 Former CBS reporter Sharyl Attkinson determined that coverage of the above event was flawed 

because Trump several times said McCain was a war hero.

 It's right there above! 

He "is a war hero," Trump said!

 (Because he was captured.) 

 That's like movie trailers that only highlight the "non-stop thrill ride" part of a review 

calling a movie a "non-stop thrill ride of horrible garbage."

So remember: 

Be outrageous, modify last thing, assured that the last thing written will be the most likely retained.


4.)  STAND BY YOUR INDEFENSIBLE STATEMENTS AND PRETEND YOU WERE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE 

 After he'd been battered for a week for defending his incorrect comments on immigration, Trump released a statement  

 insisting that he was talking about the Mexican government all along, not regular immigrants.

Stick by your guns ... and when it gets too hot ... simply switch subjects.

How could you be so misunderstood you write? 

 Quote yourself, adding the necessary parenthetical 

while ignoring the fact that you needed to clarify your own quote!

It will totally get visitors to bay at the moon and send your visitor numbers to the lunar surface too!


5.)  USE SELECTED PUBLIC REACTIONS AS JUSTIFICATION

There will always be certain  ... unique people out there who will back any outrageous statements.  

Jump on them to justify your remarks.

Trump used his increase in the polls as a defense of the immigration comments. 

 "The fact is that I’ve made a point, the point has now been accepted," he told Fox Business last week. 

"It was very hot a week ago, and now everybody’s saying 'Trump is right.'"


6.) PLAY TO MANY PEOPLE'S IRRITATION AT THE SUPPOSED TYRANNY OF THE POLITICALLY CORRECT

 "I will say what I want to say," Trump told ABC's Martha Raddatz on Sunday,

 "and maybe that’s why I’m leading in the polls 

because people are tired of hearing politicians and pollsters telling the politicians exactly what to say."

And if you write with conviction your outrageous statements, many who are tired of hearing the rote, knee-jerk politically correct cliches,

 might howl at you for what you write but be drawn back by the sense that at least you are speaking your heart.

WHAT DO YOU THINK A TRUMP PRESIDENCY WOULD BE LIKE?

ARE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO BE?

http://www.amazon.com/Legend-Victor-Standish-1/dp/1508804540/

{Courtesy of the artistry of Heather McCorkle}

Are you where you want to be  ...

   in your book ... in your career ... in your life?

Few of us could answer YES to that question in all the areas of our life.

Are we trying too hard to DO

 and forgetting simply to LIVE.

1.) ASK: DO YOU EVEN LIKE YOUR JOB OR YOUR DREAM?

What prompted you to that profession, to that dream (say of writing).

In the bustle of the struggle, we forget to think of the answer to that question.

Ask: Is this for me?

If the answer to that question is YES focus on what is most important at work, 

instead of worrying about your own expectations.


2.)  FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS MOST

When we love our job or our dream and find what we are doing to be important, we often create unachievable expectations for ourselves.

 Re-evaluate what you are doing and what you really need to do. 

Look for the quality, not quantity of work. Stop equating hours with doing a good job at your work or with your dream.


3.) LEAVE WORK AT WORK -- ESPECIALLY DURING DAYS OFF.

Plan the day and week to get what’s most important done during work hours.

 Make tasks fun or enjoyable; they are not tasks but just part of your life. Experience them.


4.) GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF FREE TIME

 It’s not just becoming more efficient at work. You need to grant yourself permission to do less, and to begin living your life again.

Whatever re-charges your emotional batteries, plan a segment of time each day to do it.

It is a proven fact that if you do only 2 minutes of planned exercise a day, you will feel happier.


5.) DROP THE SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES.

 If you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach each night before you start your work week,

 realize that 5/7 of your life is made up of your employment.

Seek ways to bring a smile or happiness to each hour you are working (or writing).

Insist that you are going to make those 5/7 of your life worth living.

Look for reasons to laugh or smile each hour.  

Look for a stressed face at work and try to ease the tightness you see there.


6.) LIFE IS FLEETING ... EXPERIENCE IT; DON'T SIMPLY ENDURE IT!

MISS ME?

My computer is still on the fritz.  Have you tried writing a post on a Kindle Fire? 

 NO FUN!!

Anyway, don't forget me.  I miss you guys and girls!  

I am heading into a rough weekend at work, pitching in for a co-worker on vacation -- 

which means even less sleep than usual on a usually gruelling weekend.

Wish me luck.  Have I said how much I've missed all of you?

IS IT IN MAN'S NATURE TO DESTROY HIS HEROES?

We remember Atticus Finch as "To Kill A Mockingbird"'s moral conscience:

kind, wise, honorable, an avatar of integrity

who used his gifts as a lawyer to defend a black man falsely accused

of raping a white woman in a small Alabama town filled with prejudice and hatred in the 1930s.

As indelibly played by Gregory Peck in the 1962 movie, he was the

ideal father and a principled idealist, an enlightened, almost saintly believer in justice and fairness.

 In real life, people named their children after Atticus.

People went to law school and became lawyers because of Atticus.

Now, shockingly, in “Go Set a Watchman” (due out Tuesday),

Atticus is a racist who once attended a Klan meeting, who says things like

 “The Negroes down here are still in their childhood as a people.”

Or asks his daughter:

“Do you want Negroes by the carload in our schools and churches and theaters? Do you want them in our world?”

"Go Set A Watchman" was written first, and the prose shows it. 

I was looking forward to reading this novel --

I was going back to look at the landscapes and streets I had known,

to look at the faces, to hear the voices, to hear, in fact, the voices in my own blood.

Not now.

 

 

And now, there is to be a stand-alone Han Solo movie ...

 

focusing on the adventures of a young Han Solo (no Harrison Ford)

 

because as everyone knows, you can't have an older hero for your movie.  Sigh.

 

 

Hugh Jackman has told fans at the Comic-Con that the latest Wolverine movie will be his last as "Old Man Logan."

 

I mean he is at the terrible old age of 46. 

 

(Shakes his head.)

 

{Yes, I know that "Old Man Logan" is a grim future tale of an aged Wolverine having to go cross-country across a vicious landscape

 

 to pay rent to the vicious grandchildren of Hulk and She-Hulk accompanied with a blind Hawkeye.}

 

 

I know that getting into shape for the role is grueling.  I understand that. 

 

But it seems as if Hollywood is saying adventure ends in our mid-thirties.



Is there no room for mature heroes in our myths anymore?

(This is written for the last time on a friend's computer.  Mine is dead.)

HOW TO GET YOUR BOOK NOTICED

 

{Cover courtesy of the genius of Heather McCorkle}

http://www.amazon.com/Carnival-Damned-Roland-D-Yeomans/dp/1514834340/

Buy the paperback and

Give to the

"GET ROLAND A COMPUTER"

FUND! 

Victor Standish:

Legend, Abandoned Child, Mocker of Monsters: 

 

“I learned to walk on cat-feet by living on the streets of too many hard cities for six years ...

 

since I was seven. 

 

I know why dogs howl at the dark and why cats prick up their ears after midnight. 

 

All too often I hear the beating of black wings and the scratching of half-seen shapes on the pavement hidden by shadow.

 

  I have always known I am an outsider, a stranger no matter where I roam among those who are still men."

 

 

You can write the most beautiful novel ever crafted ...

     but it will die if you cannot draw internet attention to it.

Most self-published books sell fewer than 100 or 150 copies.

GETTING YOUR eBOOK NOTICED IS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT SELLING YOUR BOOK.

I. HOW DO YOU GET THAT ATTENTION?

1.) Book cover

You can choose a proper image for the book cover that will draw attention to your eBook.
     a.) You need to choose the proper thumbnail with a theme that reflects the contents of your
           eBook.

     b.) Many readers will be drawn to the book cover long before
          reading the description and the reviews.

     c.) It helps if you have a book cover that instantly draws attention.

     d.) Look at the image for CARNIVAL OF THE DAMNED

2.) Pricing

      a.)  it should neither be too cheap or too expensive
      b.) People value what costs them and hold to be inferior what they got cheaply.

3.) TITLE

      a.) Pick your title BEFORE you begin (you'll be with your novel for weeks so have a title that inspires you!

      b.) It's a marriage - LOVE YOUR TITLE

      C.) What a great title does:
            1.) Captures your audience’s attention
            2.) It communicates what your e-book is about
            3,) If it’s your style, it should include a little bit of a “What the Heck?” factor:
                      
Titles tell your audience a little something about you.
Look at these three sets of words:

• Epic; Awesome.
• Remarkable; Brilliant.
• Elegant; Erudite

Each pair of words has a unique flavor. You can almost begin to see the people that would use them in a title or a headline.

Which means that the words in your e-book title need to reflect your style.

       D.) WHO'S AN OXYMORON?~!

           i.) EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE was a great title to an older book because it linked two
                opposites.

           ii.) Startle your reader and snare his attention.

4.) YOUR BOOK DESCRIPTION

     a.)  Most people skim the content.

          1.) You’re also one of them (okay, including me)
          2.) This is where you need to write creatively
          3.) Use short paragraphs
          4.) Use short sentences like this.

     b.) Divide your content into three blocks

          1.)  Introduction (first two to three lines or really important. Tell them a story,
                make them scary, make them laugh, do anything but don’t make them bored.
               They must read your first two lines.

          2.) Middle of the content (this is where your actual MEAT of the content comes in)
          3.) Ending (end with either a surprise twist or question.)

II. HERE BE MONSTERS

   A.) It is the Old West once again.

   B.) Remember the Klondike Gold Madness (well not from actual memory, of course -- unless you're Sam McCord!)

   C.) Wild-eyed dreamers would race to Alaska where they would fall victim to prospectors
          selling fake maps to sure gold mines.

   D.) There are no GUARANTEED WAYS TO SUCCEED or 
 CERTAIN STEPS TO
          RICHES WITH YOUR EBOOK.

   E.) Once again, just write what you love, what fills your imagination with magic and delight.