So you can read my books

Thursday, May 2, 2013

FEMALE BULLYING? Why Are Women So Mean To Each Other?

{Image from MEAN GIRLS courtesy of Paramount Pictures}
Anne Gallagher (roaming under the pen name, Robynne Rand) wrote an interesting post:


By now, you've heard about CBS Houston sports blogger Claire Crawford

 criticizing Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader Kelsey Williams' weight in the blog post heard 'round the world.
Delta Gamma sister Rebecca Martinson “resigned” from her sorority Wednesday because of her profanity-laced, media-frenzy inducing email.

Martinson’s f-bomb-, threat-laced fury at fellow Delta Gamma members for “literally”

being “boring,” “awkward,” “weird,” “mentally slow” and “stupid”

has gone seriously viral, with major news outlets from ABC News to CNN giving it coverage.

Sad, actually.  The Internet is forever. Unfortunately for her, her ‘online tattoo’ will stick with her for a long, long time—

and it will likely color how peers, future employers, grad school admissions officers, etc., regard her as a person.

She’s going to have to work very hard to show that she's taken this experience and used it to grow into a more mature, thoughtful, tolerant and compassionate person.

But sad, also, because it perpetuates a stereotype that women are trivial, shallow, and cruel to one another.

Women's bodies provide enough challenge: PMS, hormonal civil war, and child birth pains.  If men had the babies, the world would never have to worry about over-population.

Men don't want to do something that feels good for 12 hours straight!

If men suffered every month like women, no male world leader would be trusted with the nuclear launch codes.

Yet, all of you ladies out there remember the cruelty of "Female Bullying."  You learned early the main rule: GIRLS IN THREES ARE BAD.

Girls gossip about other girls, they steal each other’s boyfriends, they talk about one girl’s flaws to other girls. They’re mean.

We’ve all probably seen the movie MEAN GIRLS where, in the end, the lead Mean Girl gets run over with a truck, right?

Or even HEATHERS, which is an even older, darker twist to the Mean Girls.

So this is a sort of accepted practice then in society. Girls pick on other girls. Do we do enough to stop it? OR do we continue the behavior throughout adulthood and then really allow our own daughters to just mimic adult society?

If every girl outgrew bullying when they graduated high school, it would be bad -- yet, many take it with them in the competitive world of business and the neighborhood.

Look at all the media articles on Yahoo and other sites who compare celebrities wearing the same dress, hawking, "WHO WEARS IT BETTER?"

In the end, shouldn't women learn to take care of each other?
Or, at the least, to respect each other?

 When a friendship ends, mourn the loss and move on. Leaving gossip and threats behind seems the healthy way to pay tribute to something that once nutured.

In the bigger picture, we’re all on the same side -- each of us is under a death sentence, pre-ordained in our DNA.  No matter how illusively long it might appear at times, life is short.

Let's enjoy the ride with those who are taking the journey with us as much as it lies within our power to do so.

Why do you think women are so often cruel to one another

when they should be closing ranks against so many men in power who prey on them?

Don't forget ...

Hibbs, the Bear with Two Shadows is coming SOON to audio!


  1. This post was actually really hilarious. "Girls in threes are bad" cracked me up.

  2. Gina:
    As the ghost of Mark Twain always tells me: "If you can't make your point with humor, son,, you ain't thinking it through!"

  3. Hilarious! And I can't do anything for twelve hours. Twelve minutes is a challenge for me.

  4. It might go back to the cave, when women were stuck together for days on end while the guys went hunting. As having a man or family was necessary for survival in most tribes or civilizations, any and all means were justified in gaining a partner.

    As for why women can be mean to other women: I believe in trusting a person, not a gender. Choose your friends carefully. . .

  5. I guess it depends on what group you're in. But it seems even in smaller towns, men are gossips, too. Maybe I just never paid enough attention.

    It all goes back to culture and society, though, doesn't it?

  6. Honestly, I wish I knew.

    Hence the reason 98% of my friends are male. Sad, but true.

    Good post!

  7. I wonder that myself. Women can be pretty destructive for no apparent reason.

  8. Unfortunately, most don't grow out of it. Some do though, thank goodness. I think it's because men compete physically and women compete mentally, which brings out the mean gene.

  9. I read an article years ago about how women were competitive with each other because of fewer opportunities out there, but the article was old and I believe times have changed. It's sad, but I've had to get rid of some negative people, many of them women, who weren't doing my life any good.

  10. People bully people, male or female and it simply has to stop. I think the issue is that females bully differently than males and in such a way as to leave longer lasting scars. They can be more emotionally abusive than males, sometimes.

    Why does anyone do this? It's how human deal with the fight or flight when threatened: you run from or you beat up whatever scares you.

  11. excellent post! sadly, i see this every day-in younger women as well as older. socioeconomic status doesn't seem to matter, either.

    is it possible some women who are mean are operating from a very negative, insecure place? or is that just another stereotype?

  12. I haven't seen Mean Girls. The theme didn't appeal to me. I was a farm girl in high school and most of the cheerleaders were afraid of me. LOL. But I had a few friends who were tormented. It's sad that times haven't changed.

    Roland, love your book cover!

  13. Stephen:
    Yes, 12 minutes is tops for me, too! :-)

    Yes, choose your friends wisely. I think you are right: it is a competitive world out there and many women base their worth on all the wrong things (as do the men sadly)

    Yes, it does seem our culture places value on all the wrong things and concepts!

    The same ratio is true of my best friend, Sandra.

    Golden Eagle:
    It saddens me to think that some girls are cruel for the sheer pleasure of tormenting a weaker girl -- like a cat playing with a captured mouse.

    You could be right. Leave a group of boys unsupervised on an island today, and I fear they would turn out just like LORD OF THE FLIES.

    With the work force becoming more female -- I believe perceived threats to advancement are attacked verbally by women. I'm sad you had to prune your circle of acquaintances for your own emotional health. :-(

    I have watched chickens peck to death a chicken that was weak or different. It may also be that factor in human nature: to attack what is perceived as different from the herd.

    Words Crafter:
    Operating from a very negative, insecure place isn't a cliche or stereotype. Sadly, it is all too real!

    Bullys will always be with us I am afraid. Cruelty becomes addictive in dysfunctional individuals.

    Isn't that cover great? Thanks for thinking so, too! :-)

  14. This is a great conversation. I agree with Cathy K. I think bullying happens differently from each gender, but both are, sadly, doing it. I do believe it is our flight of fight pattern, too. Some of us can break out of that pattern; others cannot.

  15. Susan:
    Yes, both sexes bully. But I think bullys are not threatened by those they bully -- they sense weaker prey that cannot fight back and find pleasure in bleeding someone who cannot fight back. They may have some inner demon they flee from, but it is not their victims.

  16. I remember working in a law firm where I was bullied daily by the head paralegal. Everyday I was reminded she hand been there 17 years and is anyone was to get fired, it would be me.

    Anyway, I wrote a short story titles The Partner's Progeny. I'm waiting on its cover and formatting to be complete so I can unleash out into the world.

    Anyway, bullies are really insecure cowards that want to be top dog. And usually the most incompetent. That's what I've learned anyway.

    But I agree with you, women should ban together.

    Hugs and chocolate,

    Tweeted this!

  17. Shelly:
    Thanks for tweeting this.

    Just this afternoon I was counseling a female co-worker in a different department, whose life was being made miserable by cruel comments about her weight and intelligence.

    You're right: bullies are cowards who never pick on anyone whom they believe can fight back.

    Best of luck with your short story!! :-)

  18. Late to the game, but thanks for the exposure.

    I don't know why women are the way they are, but I believe you hit the nail on the head. All that pain every month for so many years, and then childbirth, and then the care and worry over said children for the rest of their lives, and then, at the end of it all, we get to deal with menopause. Take it from me, you don't want to deal with menopause.

    However, it's always been my opinion that God gave us all this crap to deal with because we are stronger than men. Why we turn into bee-yotches is just our way of handling it. lol