So you can read my books

Monday, November 23, 2015


Life is laced with the fault-lines of unpredictability. 

At the drop of a hat, disaster can strike. 

Everyone encounters death, heartbreak, devastating illnesses, job instability, and financial crisis. 

Perhaps it’s a personal situation that arises and then knocks you down. 

Maybe it’s the stress of your job that keeps you up too late at night.

Whatever it may be, we all experience the whirlwind of unpredictability at times.

 I will not give you the litany of my own griefs.  

When your heart has been cut out of you, someone counting off their own woes is just salt in an open wound.

But when it happens to you, you may feel:

            A Total Mess 
            Like a Failure

And when our lives feel like they are spinning out of control, 

it’s not always easy to look at what may be secretly appearing on the other side of your Valley of the Shadow. 

It’s difficult to feel hope or see the bigger picture.

At those times some talk of the Silence of Heaven ... as if.

Pain never whispers or is silent.  

It shouts.  

And sometimes what we think of as a Silence to our pleas to Heaven is but a silent nod 

that there are paths of blood we must walk to go where ...

We learn the lessons we would learn no other way.

We teach those lessons to those who observe how we respond to what they will later encounter themselves.

We have hurtful walls we have erected around our hearts demolished by pain, anguish, doubt, and despair. 

We learn humility in an area where we thought we were healthy ... but were anything but.

Prosperity is a window to a bright world.  

Tragedy is a mirror showing us who we really are.

What we have lost, we have lost.  

What we gain from the tragedy is up to us and our responses to the pain we wish would just go away.

No matter how tough you are, it is very easy to feel vulnerable, confused, or lost.

When things go terribly wrong, 

it is hard to feel anything but the chains of grief on your shoulders with no prison bars between which you can see the light of day.



I do not mean this as a cliche.  

It happens for the reason we assign it in our thoughts.  

In my World View, we are never alone.  

We have the Father guiding us down needful, and sometimes bloody, paths.

But that may not be your take on Life.

Still, it is up to you to make what has happened in your life empowering or dis-empowering.  

Your thoughts can either help you or hinder you further.  

Your thoughts can either fan the flames of courage 

or stamp down whatever embers of it still remain.  

Your mind, your choice.


No season lasts forever ... not uplifting spring nor bitter winter.

Focus on pain and your concentration acts as a prism increasing its flames.  

Focus on a task outside of yourself no matter how simple, and the pain ebbs a bit.

There are always others worse off: focus on some small way to help them.  

Not up to helping out at a food kitchen? Phone for donations to it or another good charity. 

Your tragedy is not your whole story:

 try to make this but a small chapter of your story, headed to a healing ending.


This one moment is all you have.  

Is it full of pain?  

Each throb of pain is but a link in the bicycle chain of your life bringing you to healing -- 

if not of your body, then of your heart.

Are you still breathing? Of course you are. 

Then, great, you’ve just handled that moment. 

Are you ready for the next one that will bring you one step closer to engaging in your life again?

I do not have all the questions, much less all the answers to them.  

I merely hope that this has helped in some small way not to make the very thought of "Thanksgiving" a mockery.

All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Roland


  1. It's so hard to look for good when devastation hits. I tend to keep going with small things. A baby giggling, and over friendly dog, the ninja squirrels. Those little things will lead to bigger one in time.

    1. So true. The small smiles are what make up a healing life. :-)

  2. Hi Roland - these events can rock us ... and sadly the imagination takes us off to other potential nasties. But you're so right .. we only have one moment of IS .. it is now and it has gone ... I smile and try and make life easier for others ... but I slip and slide sometimes ... I hope you can have an easy Thanksgiving weekend and have some peace, fun and happiness and share life with others ... as I know you'll be working too - take care and with thoughts - Hilary

    1. Yep, my Thanksgiving weekend will be crowded as I am taking over for a vacationing co-worker. His little girl is off from school, and John is taking her and his wife to several tourist attractions in a neighboring state, filled with gnomes, flowers, Christmas lights, and laughter.

      Knowing that is making me smile though my workweek is extended. :-) Have a Holiday filled with joy and peace., Hilary

  3. The holidays can be rough on people. For one thing, the perfect family and celebrations is just not a very real thing.

    Being glad of what you have is a precious gift. There are some things that only time can distance you. You have made some good suggestions. I hope your holidays are bright.

    1. Abraham Lincoln, who fought depression all his life, wrote that we are as happy as we set out to be. I mean to follow his example.

      May your own holiday season be filled with the wonder of a child and the peace that passes understanding. :-)

  4. Personally I don't see Suffering as "Optional". I've long seen such as "Inevitable". "All Life is Suffering", in ways unbeknownst by most. I've found the tools to deal with my own grief, yet, there remains a permanent scar upon my heart.

    "And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure." (2 Corinthians 12:7)

    In our weakness, times of sorrow, we find our strength(s). Modern society doesn't teach us, what tools are available to deal properly with grief, loss, death. The griever wants to see the face of God, yet the griever lives in a Society where grief is often never processed, other than in tears. Some of the worst things to say to those in times, years of grief, would be: "you will get over it in time", "You should be happy, he's in Heaven with the Father", or "At least He's not in pain", no shit Sherlock, He Is Dead. I've heard them all, and no one or 2 statements can ever relieve Grief.

    However, one single book, I found 14 months ago, has given me the insights, tools to process grief with. Tools we are never told about, and never prepared to use. This one book is: "The Grief Recovery Handbook" - (A step by step Program, for moving beyond loss). I would highly recommend it to any one who is suffering, or grieving.

    1. The Grief Recovery Handbook is a great book. Pain with its initial suffering is inevitable. It is how we define suffering that is important. Suffering is our tuition we pay for being fully human. Bitter coin but necessary if we want to be there for others in their own pain.

    2. Indeed, well stated. I meant to say as well: "Suffering is inevitable to some, while Despair, is Optional".

      Many people in this world, become overwhelmed with depression, this time of year. Depression from putting to much emphasis on marking off days on a Calendar, telling us when we can give thanks, or give gifts, (tho' that's not the reason behind the season). "The greatest gift one can give is a portion of thy self". - (R.W. Emerson).
      While we both have lived by Emerson's creed, we give of ourselves daily, and freely. Moment by moment, breath by breath.

      Depression for many is not just knocking on their doors, rather, Depression comes barging in, without invitation; even if it has to knock the door down. With or without our approval.

      With big hearts, we give of our self, more-so we give our hearts, to those in need. There is nothing as grand, to see another smile or laugh. Laughter and a smile, are very grand gifts from our hearts. Let no one steal your laughter, which is healing thunder itself.

      We both have spent our lives, pulling up light from the deepest darkest of wells, springs of life, to shed light on that which many cannot see, below the depth and veil of darkness.

      If each day falls
      inside each night,
      there exists a well
      where clarity is imprisoned.

      We need to sit on the rim
      of the well of darkness
      and fish for fallen light
      with patience.
      (Pablo Neruda- 'The Sea, The Stars, The Bell')

      You my dear friend, have as big a heart as anyone I've met on this Earth. One need not be licensed or certified to utilize these human treasures. But, I am definitely preaching to the choir here, Roland. For that much, I apologize; mon cher frère.... :-)