GARDEN & GUN

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So there I was at Pumpelli's Tire and Auto Repair 

waiting for the kind mechanics to replace my dead alternator.

I looked across at the man waiting for his own repairs 

and saw him reading a glossy magazine that looked like BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS.

The name of the magazine suddenly hit me: 

I was intrigued.  

What kind of articles would such a magazine have?  

I started making up its table of contents to pass the time:

SHOT INTRUDERS MAKE 

THE BEST MULCH

PIRANHAS NOT OVER-THE-TOP 

FOR YOUR FOUNTAIN

MINED BACKYARD:
 PERFECT TILLING 

FOR YOUR VEGETABLE GARDEN

HIDE THOSE PESKY 

IMPROMPTU GRAVES 

WITH ROSE BUSHES

BE A CONSIDERATE NEIGHBOR; 

USE SILENCERS 

FOR LATE NIGHT BURGLARS 

The real articles, of course, were much different!

Garden & Gun is a magazine

about the sporting culture, 

food, music, art, 

and travel 

of the Southern United States.

I think the names

of my articles

sound more interesting!

WHAT FUN ARTICLES

CAN YOU COME UP WITH?