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Sunday, May 11, 2014


It's Mother's Day.


As I said yesterday:
My mother is now in that Realm that knows no tears.

I know she waits for me there with Sooner, the wolf-dog

that once roamed the hills with Mother when she was a young girl.

I've written of their love, Sooner's long, loving devotion,

and the tragic reunion between Mother and Sooner.

I choose to conjure, not their ending,

but seeing them both young and happy, racing along the inviting hills of their child and cubhood.

I'm heading into my 7th day working straight, now on first call. I am weary and battered.

 I can hear my mother in my mind that dark day when I shivered from that ice storm and its howling winds:

"Oh, Little One, the battleground of the heart is the storm. The storm does not try to knock you down --

though it will if you let it.

No, the storm is trying to teach you how to stand tall."

"How does it do that?," I remember asking.

"It does that by making you strong."

Her fingers ran through my hair. "The weakest step forward, Little One, is stronger than any storm."

"How is that, Mama?"

"Because when you face life

instead of running from the fear, from the pain, from the dark,

when you walk into the invisible surf of the cold winds, you build the muscles of your heart, your spirit."

She smiled sadly,

"And you become strong ... strong enough to be kind to the others who chose the dark path of selfishness and fear and running from pain ... and from themselves."

"How can anyone run from themselves?" I asked.  "That's as silly as trying to run from your own shadow!"

Mother nodded, "You would be surprised how many never come to that simple child's wisdom."

"Then, why be kind to them, Mama?"

She mussed my hair again,

"Because by choosing the dark path of running from the pain of life, from the testing by fire ...

they have chosen to be weak and to always be less than what they could have been."

She tweaked my nose.

"They have hurt themselves enough. Do not add to it by being angry with them. Be strong enough to feel compassion for those who have none for you. Understand?"

I nodded "yes" though I hadn't a clue. Mother knew that and just laughed and hugged me.


My father was a monster, and I know that many of you had mothers that were toxic.  Here is a wise book which you can get for 20 cents used in hardback --

TOXIC PARENTS  by Susan Forward:



  1. It saddens me to think you lost your mother, when you clearly had such an extraordinary relationship. Not the case for me and many others, sadly. Toxic all the way.

    May your reunion with your mother and Sooner, 'not' be in the not too distant future.

    Take care, Roland.

  2. As you know this is my first Mothers day without my mom. I know it will be difficult, but she is with my dad enjoying their reunion and time with our Lord.
    Last weekend I traveled to Houston to enjoy a 100th birthday party for my wifes Great Grandmother. That was an awesome time. I love listening to our elders, and learning what we can from their wisdom. have a Happy Mothers day Roland!

  3. I tried to be half as good at being a mother as my mom, knowing I'd never measure up. She could do no wrong in my eyes.

    There ought to be a course on being a parent. It's not an instinctive thing for many.
    Nice tribute, Roland. Hope you got some rest, or will soon.

  4. A gorgeous tribute. Heart-warming.
    Now look after yourself as best you can. Both of my parents were like Snow White's apple. One side fresh and delightful and the other poison.
    I hope you get a day off - SOON.

  5. Hi Roland - have many happy thoughts in between your couriering and I hope some time to relax and remember the good times.

    Life wasn't easy for my parents but we were very lucky and I had a lovely relationship with my mother during her last years, and I would have had with my father, as I got to know his brothers, if he'd lived ...

    Difficulties yes ... but the sun shines through and on and we now have our time to do our best and let that light shine through to others ...

    With thoughts for you ... Hilary

  6. My mother has mental illness so it inhibited her mothering skills. But it's all good. It made me wrong.