So you can read my books

Friday, September 7, 2012

I SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU_Sometimes there are no tomorrows

Once upon a time ...

There was a young girl undergoing painful treatments in the hospital. I owned a book store then. Harry Potter was just out.

Her mother would not let her read his novels. Not being heartless, she asked me to write something she would approve but would also appeal to her daughter's love of faeries and, frowning, she said "magic."

So Fallen, the last fae, and 14 year old Blake Adamson, the clone of the Nazarene, was born.

I made a serial of their adventures. They have never been read but by one ...

for some sleeping beauties never awaken.

(I later wrote other novels, using the same characters, but DAYSTAR'S ORPHAN remains unread by any but one ... until now.)

Here is an excerpt from the end of the trail for Fallen and Blake as he lies seriously wounded in the chariot winging its way to Valhalla, driven by the Angelus, Solomon Cain. Fallen is cradling him in her arms:

Black tears streaming down her face, Fallen held my hand tight as if willing her life force into me. “Don’t leave me, Blake. Don’t leave me.”

As black as her tears became the world around her, so that all I could make out was her face in an ever-thickening mist. My eyes must have been glazing over because I heard her crying low. She squeezed my hand even harder.

“If - If you st-stay, I-I’ll tell you a secret.”

I forced my eyes open wide to clear them.

She reached out and gently brushed that stubborn lock of hair from my eyes. “You know all those times you flew at night?”

I nodded.

“W-Well, I ... I crept into your room then.”

She turned her head to the left as if the memory was killing her. “I ... I used to go to your chest of drawers and touch your - your combs and brush, running my fingers along them. I’d imagine you fighting to get that mop y-you call hair to stay down.”

She smiled a smile of agony, her lips trembling. “I’d - I’d laugh and sit on your bed and s-smell your pillow, that always smelled of pine trees.”

Fallen looked as she were about to shatter inside.

“Th-Then, I’d pick up whatever book you were reading at the time, and ... and I’d open it, looking at the parts you - you underlined -”

She mewed soft and long as if she were about to break down. “Those - those parts you underlined. I read them out loud, pretending you were rea-reading them to me.”

She sniffed back the tears. “Your books. To my eyes, they burned with so many different colors. So many. I - I could tell what books made you sad, or laugh, or angry.”

Suddenly, she wrapped me in a fierce embrace. “But the book that burned the brightest was the one that had ‘Annabel Lee’ in it.”

She sniffed wetter this time. “I knew all about that poem, B-Blake, all this time. All this time.”

She clutched me tighter, holding her cheek against mine and rocking and rocking. “Y-You want to know what the color of love is?”


“The color of love is you,” she sobbed. “Is you!”

She turned to Solomon, who was blinking back tears himself, and wailed, “You’re an angel. Tell me. Why does evil always win? Why? WHY?”

She raised her head and howled gut-deep like a shot animal. I couldn’t take it. And neither could Solomon. He turned his head away, choking down another sob. I lifted my hand with my mind fingers and stroked her cheek.

She shook her head that shivered in spasms. “I always thought I would be Annabel Lee. Not you. Not you!”

I forced my traitor throat to work, and it rebelled, making my words hoarse, almost impossible to understand even for me. “A-As long as you live, I live - in you.”

Her lower lip trembled so I thought she’d break down, but she managed to get out, “You big, d-dumb b-boy scout. I don’t want to go on living if you die. Don’t you know that?”

I tried to speak, but the world grew hazy and dark again. My head nodded to my chest. She shook me hard.


I fluttered my eyes open and saw her reach frantic inside her mind as she tried to look devilish, but only managed to look even more miserable. “I - I know your secret.”

“What - what secret could ... a boy scout like me have?”

She smiled as if that secret was a knife in her heart. “That ‘full on the lips’ kiss you wrote about in your diary.”

“You read my diary!” I moaned.

She shook her mane, a bitterness twisting her face. “Such a silly thing. A simple thing. And ... And I teased you so with it.”

I had tried to stay with her, but it was no good. Her face. I could barely make it out anymore.

Only her tortured eyes, and them only in a thick haze. My head nodded, then my chin settled on my chest, and I heard her from far, far off.

“A-And now, wh-when it is too late, when y-you won’t even feel it, I’ll give you our f-first, our last, my only kiss.”

A flickering light filled my eyes. Fallen’s face came into focus. She was crying.

Her face was coming right to mine, her lips open, her breath soft and perfumed.

All became black.


  1. Ooooo... this is good. More please.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  2. Shelly:
    Thanks. Like you, I couldn't leave Fallen, the last fae, and Blake like that so I re-wrote their star-crossed love in LOVE LIKE DEATH.

    The great thing about Kindle books is that you can download the first chapters for free. So for zero cost, you can read how Blake first met Fallen! How cool is that? :-)

  3. Thanks, Alex:
    There's a bit more to the ending since I am such a romantic! LOVE LIKE DEATH re-tells their star-crossed love with more twists and turns to it. :-)

  4. That's so beautiful, both the story of what you did for that mother and her child, and the excerpt. You are wonderful man Roland!

  5. Very well written, Roland. While I'm reading this I'm wondering how a sick child would react reading something this sad? Did it help?

  6. How special is that for a girl to have had a story all her own? I don't really understand the 'no Harry Potter parents' but it was good of you to help out and I like your little tale.

  7. So well written and I loved every word.

  8. What a wonderful gift to give this girl! I'm so happy you decided to share part of it with us. Now, I want to read it all :)
    Beautifully sad story

  9. Awwwww poor heartbroken Fallen, crying her black tears and losing her Blake!! :-(

    Take care

  10. Beautifully written, Roland. What a lovely gift to this girl.
    Best wishes,
    RFW - I should have kissed you

  11. A beautiful story done for a beautiful purpose. I hope you receive as much joy as you give to others, Roland. Have a great weekend.

  12. This is beautiful! And the story behind the story makes it even more so... :-)

  13. Beautifully told, and I want to know the full story. I hope this gave the comfort you desired for that young girl, but you said some sleeping beauties never awaken.

    Thank you for sharing

  14. Heather:
    The girl was a special person. It was an honor to do it for her.

    The young girl used to watch the older movie of ROMEO AND JULIET over and over again. I thought she might "enjoy" this re-telling. She did.

    Some religious conservative parents objected to the "magic" in the Harry Potter novels. I just put a magical spin I knew the mother would approve of. I felt so helpless to help the young girl combat her disease that the novel all her own made me feel useful. :-)

    Your praise made a weary evening much, much better!

    Heather Murphy:
    If you download the free first chapters of LOVE LIKE DEATH, you will read of Fallen's and Blake's first meeting.

    I had a way to re-unite them for the young girl but sometimes real Sleeping Beauties never wake up.

    Thank you, Anna:
    I'm glad you liked what you read.

    I received much more from this novel than I gave. I only wish I could have done more.

    I'm glad I decided to bring this story out of the cyber-closet. Thanks for the kind words.

    I hope at least they were good tears. Thanks for liking my excerpt.

    The young girl had her mother read and re-read certain portions of my novel to her at night. All any of us can do is help keep the darkness at bay for one another as best we can ... until the darkness wins as it always does. Have a beautiful weekend, Roland

  15. Your writing seems to be able to engross and enchant all ages and all genders whether they have a penchant for romance or not and then you add a twist of something that makes the reader want more. Hope you are feeling well now, Roland.

  16. Hi Roland
    Beautiful. You're a born writer. So visual, I could feel their pain. I hope you fix it and put it on the market. You could dedicate it to your once upon a time reader.

    I hope your doing better.

  17. Oh wow amazing to have written the story as a special commission.
    Such emotion in this piece. I like the description at the end.

  18. An awesome gesture, to write a story for a sick child.

    Loved how you left us hanging on whether she kissed him :)


  19. Hope she got the kiss in before everything went black...engrossing story, magical

  20. Hi, Roland,

    I remember this story from a while back.... It still brings a tear to my eyes...

    Special, heartfelt, and tender writing will always bring some kind of an emotional outburst from the reader.

    I hope you are healing and managing to get some rest.

  21. Michael:
    This is the original story for the young girl that birthed the one you remember.

    Thanks for the kind words about my writing. And may you be prospering, too! :-)

  22. OH MY! The saddest part, was when she said, she was supposed to be his Annabel Lee.. and my mind went back to that poem by Edgar Allen Poe, such a haunting poem that one. I have no doubt that she will be haunted for the rest of her life. She will die of a broken heart.

  23. Crystal:
    In the sequel I never wrote since the girl I was writing for went to that Land where magic lives eternally, Fallen willed herself into a coma, dreaming of her time with Blake.

    But in the legends of Valhalla, where Blake died, dead warriors awaken the next morning. I wrote the first four chapters of the sequel in which Blake fights his way out of Valhalla to rescue Fallen from the realm of Nightmare.

    Later on, Fallen pounded on the walls of my muse until I re-wrote her adventures with Blake, starting with THE LAST FAE and ending with LAST EXIT TO BABYLON. So there is a happy ending of sorts for Fallen.

    I am glad you enjoyed this small excerpt. Have a great new week, Crystal. :-)

  24. Sally:
    I am not limping at all, feeling much better and stronger. Thank you for your very kinds words about my writing. Try the free first chapters to GHOST OF A CHANCE that I just published. I think you will like it.

    That novel is all hers. Still, I wrote a five novel saga based upon it, starting with THE LAST FAE.

    I am doing better. Thank you for asking. You are kind with your words about my writing. Now, if some buyers think so with my new GHOST OF A CHANCE! :-)

    I felt honored to be so trusted with a young girl's dreams and a worried mother's request. I am so happy you liked the ending.

    I felt humbled at the weight of doing it just right for both mother and daughter. Yes, I am such a tease! :-)

    The Father let Blake feel the kiss. You made my afternoon with saying it was engrossing and magical. Roland

  25. Kerrin:
    The young girl I was writing for loved the old movie, ROMEO & JULIET, so I gave her a fantasy one. I am truly happy you liked this excerpt.

  26. Hi Roland. This was full of emotion and truly touching. I loved the references to Annabel Lee, one of my favourite poems.

  27. Thanks, Denise:
    I've always loved Annabel Lee, too. In THE RIVAL, I have Edgar Allan Poe fall in love with Alice Wentworth, calling her Annabel Lee. Poe is a major character in the novel. Victor, of course, wants to sock him in the jaw! :-)