So you can read my books

Friday, December 27, 2013


Thank you for all the kind words about Snowball yesterday.  It meant a lot to me.

I think his death re-opened the wound of Gypsy's death, since they were so much alike, though not in looks:


Just in temperament.


and she taught by example:

1.) How to take adversity - 


A.) She was three years old when abandoned by those she trusted,

mauled by feral cats,

and tricked into my apartment by the sound of crunchies in a cat food box.

B.) She could have chosen to be untrusting, afraid of every sound, wildly destructive --

acting out her anger at those who betrayed and hurt her.

C.) Instead she was kind, patient, loving,

and the most intelligent cat I have ever known.


Maybe it comes down to that, being intelligent enough to know not to drag the hurtful past with you

but to only bring the sweeter, purer parts of your nature into your future,

thus making it filled with love, understanding, and warmth.

D.) I shall try to learn from her quiet, loving example -- though I know I will not ever equal it.

2.) Love never demands ... 

Not once did she meow for food.

She merely sat by my side, looking up with open, imploring, expectant eyes.

And she was rewarded with the best food I could buy for her.

3.) Love still needs reassurance ... 

I had surgery some years back that necessitated me being gone for three days,

though Sandra came to feed Gypsy.

Since that time, Gypsy would leap into my bed at night,

snuggling under the crook of my left arm when I turned on my left side, facing the room.

It was as if she needed the reassurance that I was still there,

then she could relax and fall asleep.

I shall try always to reassure those I love that I am there so that they can relax in the darkness.

4.) Love is inventive, supportive of what the other likes ...


Gypsy invented the game of Ear Plug.

Finding one of my ear plugs dangling from my computer counter,

she commenced to bat it like a punching bag.

And thus was born our eternal game of Ear Plug.

Though she loved more the game of laser tag.

And she loved sitting on the puffy arm of my recliner,

watching the same DVD's over and over again.

Because it was the company that mattered not the movie.

I will remember that in the future, seeking to find enjoyment in those things my friends love because I love my friends.

5.) Love makes a hard day softer if ... 

No matter how harsh or hard my day had been, my steps became lighter the closer to the end of the work day (night) came.

I knew that when I entered my apartment ...

Gypsy would be seated on the end of my bed,

facing the front door (efficiencies are just big bedrooms).

{Although with all the bookcases, it could double as a library.

And with all the signed movie posters, it could be mistaken for a movie lobby}

No endless refrain of "You just don't know how lousy my day has been!"

Only a happy purring as she nuzzled the top of her head against my open right palm,

as I recited our mantra, "The force is with you, young Gypsy, but you are not a Jedi yet."

She would stoically endure my kiss on the top of her head to get to the good stuff:

Tuna! "Food Guy" was home!

So I learned from her why we are given one mouth but two ears.

To listen more than we talk. And listening always should come first.

6.) Love never hurts those it loves ... 

Gypsy never scratched me.

Not once. I can't say that of any other cats. Gypsy has spoiled me. I probably will never get another cat.  

(And after Snowball, I most likely never will.)

Gypsy was one of a kind. I would only be disappointed in any other cat.  Snowball was a close second.

Even that last day when I hurt her sensitive, enlarged right kidney, she never turned to scratch.

She yowled from the pain and hissed. But never scratched.

I do not think I can say I have never hurt those I loved.

But Gypsy has given me a loving, courageous example to copy. 

7.) Every HELLO holds a GOOD-BYE behind it. 

But the last GOOD-BYE promises an eternal HELLO.

That last day after Gypsy had been given Twilight Sleep as if to prep for surgery,

she gazed into my eyes with her amber ones

that seemed to know this was our last good-bye.

Gypsy steadily gazed lovingly into my eyes with a calmness that comes from being in the arms of one you love.

Gypsy seemed to silently say,

"Don't cry, Roland. There's a HELLO coming for the two of us that will never end."

And I choose to believe Gypsy's eyes.
I always end with music. But there is nothing worthy of Gypsy and all she taught me.

So I will end with the haunting poem Francine Howarth gave me in 2011 .

The one I will always think of as "Gypsy's Song."

"We have a secret, you and I that no one else shall know,
for who but I could see you lie each night in fire glow?

And who but I could reach my hand before we went to bed
and feel the living warmth of you and touch your silken head?

And only I walk woodland paths and see ahead of me,
your small form racing with the wind so young again, and free."


  1. The poem at the end reminded me of my last cat,and other cats before. Gypsy sounds like a lovely friend. And given time, Snowball likely would have been too.

    We learn from those we meet in our life (whether animal or human). I usually write something about them as you have done in this post. Take care.

  2. Hi Roland - I didn't mention Gypsy because I knew there'd be that inevitable tie in ..

    They are such companions and as you say so trusting, so welcoming .. my thoughts as you adjust but you gave snowball the best option, desperate emotionally as it must have been for you both ..

    With thoughts .. Hilary

  3. D.G.:
    If we're lucky enough to be observant and perceptive, we do learn from those in our lives.

    Both Gypsy and Snowball were loving and intelligent, each in their own way. I will miss them. I think my cat days are over. Hurts too much to lose them, and I think I may be bad luck for kittens. :-(

    I understand and appreciate your understanding and compassion. Thank you for caring enough to let me know you hurt with me. :-)

  4. It's intelligence or perhaps innocence that keeps us from dragging along the past. Too naive and innocent to believe the bad will continue to happen.

  5. Alex:
    All too often the bad destroys that intelligence-- especially if it happens on a daily basis. That's why it is important to intelligently decide to say the bad has already taken up too much of my life as it is, I refuse to bring it into today with me. :-)

  6. Oh, Roland, I am so sorry. There isn't really anything else to say... :(

  7. Lara:
    Thanks for being there for me in a cyber-way.

  8. Words Crafter:
    Thanks for caring so deeply. Have a lovely SundY]Y