C IS FOR COCAINE OR IS THAT CIGAR?

 “I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all.”  

 - Sigmund Freud

Freud stroked his chin beard.  "Young man, I asked you -- what is the first thing you think when I say C?"

"Cancer" I said quickly and went cold.  

The word seemed to hang in the air in glowing neon.

Man, he suffered with 34 operations over long years struggling with that disease.

"Ah, no! I meant cigars," I sputtered in a panic, immediately making things worse.

I groaned inwardly.  

He had tried to quit to stave off cancer but never could despite his knowledge of psychology. 

He had quit for over a year but finally went back to it full time.

My mind groped blindly for something else to say.  "I mean cocaine." 

Ever have one of those times when the more you tried digging your way out of a hole, you only dug yourself in deeper?

Freud loved cocaine so much that he discussed it openly with his fiancé, and performed experiments centered on cocaine with himself as the subject. 

It took long, painful months to wean himself off it.

Freud pursed his lips. 

"You are a veritable walking parapraxis, young man.  

You resent what you perceive as my disapproval of your idol and so your unconscious lashes out at me in what you believe will hurt me."

I sighed, 

"Perhaps, I wanted so badly NOT to hurt you with those C words, they were the only things that leapt out at me."

Freud gave me an Apache face and said, “Where id is, there shall ego be.”  

He cocked his head at me expectantly.  "Shall we proceed to D?"